Celenski g' Pounded

The gap between first and second place grew slimmer last night after the final horn sounded, ending an impressive offensive onslaught by Mother Russia. Twelve goals were scored on the division leaders, which is four more than any other squad had mustered on them until last night. What makes the feat so remarkable was that those 12 goals were scored by a Red Army roster consisting of only six players. That is right, one goalie (with a pulled groin) and five skaters.

In warm-ups the teams looked like polar opposites. The Red Army shot into an empty net, debating when to call time out in an attempt to buy time for their goalie to dress. Across the blue, the Celenski g'Poudners were running Montreal drills and talking strategy. The Pounders' pucks were seen ringing off posts and involved in crisp tape to tape passes. The Red Army's puck was involved in a game of keep away, featuring Schram and the Hendricks brothers. In the end, when the game finally started, the Pounders' drills and pep talks proved to futile to Mother Russia's talent.

A puck possession clinic was put on by the Army. They played an east to west style which opened up the neutral zone for stretch passes. Hendricks and Wilson lead the team in scoring, combining for all 12 goals (7 and 5 respectively). The goals were scored however long before the puck crossed the goal line. Fielding only five skaters, most would have thought it would be the Russians breathing heavy between shifts. In reality, it was the Pounders that sought oxygen. They spent most of the game chasing the puck as Red Army entertained them in a game of four corners. When the seas finally parted, the defense would fire up a breakaway pass to Wilson or Hendricks, who were both absolute money.

The goal of the game was credited to Wilson. He dangled past two defenders before curling and dragging by another only to slide his stick between his legs and fire a shot top shelf on the helpless goaltender. "He was a gongshow." An elated Wilson said later about the keeper.

Kraus, who suited up despite playing with a pulled groin, made saves when called upon. The score would have not been as close had the Red Army skaters chosen to play defense the last four minutes, a time span that allowed the Pounders to make the game all but respectable. Asked why he didn't backcheck in the last 90 seconds, Mark Hendricks provided this gem, "All I know is, I don't care what stage of the game it is or what's the score... I want to score. If Kraus had made the save I would have expected him to fire me a pass so I could net number 8. I'm aiming for a career high in goals."

For those of you keeping track at home, Mark now has 11 goals in his last two games. If he were to keep up that pace for a full 14 game season he would score... mad bitches.

ECON MEETING: MORE UPDATES LATER...MAYBE

Score Sheet Littered Like Verizon Center Ice

Sunday night's marquee matchup between Mother Russia and The Power was an old fashioned shootout. From the drop of the puck the back and forth action rivaled that of a pong game on acid. A season-high total combined 15 goals were scored in that game, yet it is tough to blame any goalie or defense in this match. Quite frankly, the game consisted of two very potent offenses clicking on all cylinders trying to out duel the other.

Russia's offensive core consisted of Duhaime, Hand, Funk, and Hendricks. Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't cite the contributing efforts supplied by Lotocki (whose blistering slap shot from just inside center cracked SportsCenter's top ten under-appreciated sports plays) and Schram. Asked afterwards the technique to his slapshot, Lotocki said, "Well, I just shoot the puck as hard as I can. What the fuck else do you want?" He then proceeded to open a bottle of moonshine by biting down on the bottle and twisting it off. For the record, the bottle was not a twist-off.

Hand matched his career total in points netting a goal and three assists, scoring three of those points in a time frame of 93 seconds. Asked afterwards what it was like to rekindle his scoring touch Hand replied, "I'm hot hot hot!"

Funk continued his team-leading ways by adding two goals and two assists in the balanced attack. His posse of fans were gathered on the upper tier of the sportsplex sporting their mohawks and newly made T-shirts with the phrase "Funk Dat Shit".

Hendricks led the team in scoring this game with four goals and an assist. The prettiest goal of the game came when the forward sliced through defensemen and potted one farside before losing his balance and falling into the arms of Hand, who was celebrating. "He's so dreamy." Said Jessica Alba after attending her first ever Roller Hockey game, speaking of Hendricks. "Also I am quite wet."

Kraus played stellar in goal supplying gem after gem glove saves especially in the third period. "Let's go boys!" Was all the goalkeeper could keep shouting in the locker room afterwards.

Tony had another solid game on D, and continued joining the rush. "I'm feeling more and more comfortable out here." The rugged D-man said. "Schram has helped me a lot too."

"I have helped him a lot." The awkward Schram butted in. Sure you have buddy, sure you have.

Tonight the Red Army faces off with LLUA. If the offense shows up again tonight, the LLUA might be better suited changing their name to PWNED.

The Band is Getting Back Together

That's right folks. Tonight's Red Army lineup will bear a striking resemblence to the squad of old. Lacing up the skates tonight for the first time in months, fan favorite Mark Hendricks will face off with Mother Russia against the Indy's. Mark will join his brother Peter, who resigned with the team last week after opting out of his spanish class. As the age-old adage goes, "Once you go Russian, you never go back to spanish class." Now lets see if they can provide some offense and get a good game from their gOLE!

Speaking of offense, the Red Army is averaging just under 4.5 goals a game. Defensively they are allowing on average about 6 goals a game. With Mark back in the lineup, we can expect both of these numbers to increase.

Contrary to last season, the Red Army has won this year. They currently rank 5th in their division with a record of 3-3-2. The Indy's, who won the only matchup this season by nine goals, are 3rd with a 5-3 record. Tonight mother russia looks to close that gap and inch closer to home rubber advantage.

UPDATE:
I just got in touch with Steve Hand who said he is really excited about tonight. "I am really excited about tonight." The forward went on to say.
Andy Schram called me this afternoon to talk about something, but my phone was low on batteries and I was going through a tunnel.