The two top teams met in a clash of the titans on Sunday. Blackout, the number one seed going into the game, had asserted itself from the season's start and boasted a 7-2-1 record. The Red Army, at 6-3-1, was riding a season high six game winning streak. A Blackout victory would have all but clinched the division, whereas a win for Mother Russia would have meant a tie atop the standings.
Red Army scored first on an absolute buzz-bomb from Mark. He one-timed a slapper five-hole on a feed from Brad. The feeling on the bench was pure jubilation, but it lasted only minutes as pretty soon Mr. 18 found himself in the penalty box after an undisciplined tripping penalty. Blackout's powerplay struck, and the game was tied. Minutes later, after two more tallies, there was worry. Trailing by two with just over a minute to play in the first, Neal continued his tear and potted one on a nifty backhander. After one, it was 3-2 Blackout.
The second period featured fantastic goaltending. Blackout's goaltender steered shot after shot away as the soviets threw everything at the net. After being stifled for half of the period, the lines were jumbled. Peter and Beege switched places. The results were seen immediately. On their first shift together, Peter found Brad, who found Mark in the slot, who found the back of the net. On the very next shift, Ryan gave Red Army the lead on a perfectly placed wrister. The period ended with the Reds up by one.
It remained a back and forth, one-goal game with both teams receiving great goaltending in the 3rd period. Beege, still skating with Neal, extended the lead to two with just over six minutes left. Beege was the recipient of a horrible defensive miscue by Blackout, and tucked one underneath the unexpecting goaltender. Moments later the dagger was supplied by Mark, who netted his third of the game on a breakaway. Blackout scored late to bring it within two, but that's as close as they would get. Despite Blackouts attempt, after the final horn sounded, the streets of Moscow were electric.
The aftermath of the game? A dead heat for first place. The crazy thing is this: because of the league's tie-breaking rules (the first being goals against) the Red Army actually controls their own destiny. That is right folks, unlikely candidates to finish in the top four are now two wins away from sealing up the division. With the winning streak at seven, this journalist sees no reason why it can't be extended to nine... and thirteen.
REDDER ARMY NOTES:
Redder Army is experiencing a winning streak of their own with four straight victories. In fact, if they win their game (in progress right now) they would leap frog Blackout and Red Army for first place, although to retain the seed they would need both Blackout and Red Army to go winless in their final two games. The slightly more socialists have been receiving secondary scoring from Steve, Jerrod, Chris, and Andy lately, but everyone knows their bread and butter is Mike and Wilson, respectively. They could be the toughest team to predict in Silver. On one hand, it could be argued that any team capable of shutting down Mike and Wilson by taking away their time and space could easily defeat them. But the problem is that such a task is no mean feat. Redder Army by far already has the most potent offense, and now their defense is improved. The only team that this journalist sees them losing to (assuming that both team's rosters are full) is... you guessed it: Red Army. But I'll save that post for when the time is right. For now, I'm off to cover the Red Army game. Also, we'll be starting a new feature at R.A.D. where we will highlight player profiles on off days. This week we will cover Steve Hand and Beege. Later kids. By the way, did you notice the witty line at the end of the game recap? Moscow's streets being ELECTRIC. See it? Red Army vs BLACKOUT. See? Do you, do you see?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
No Goalie? No Problem.
When the puck was dropped at 10 pm tonight, the Red Army's net was gaping. Somewhere along the line, communication had broken down between goaltender Josh and the rest of the team, and what had been anticipated as a great matchup between two power-houses, seemed doomed for a blowout. As the adage goes, desperate times call for desperate measures... although in this case a more accurate saying could be: desperate housewives received no Scoregasms tonight because Mother Russia was the ultimate CB (crease block... heads out of the gutters kids.) That's right, against all odds, Mother Russia defeated the plentiful goalbusters 7-2 in what can only be described as a stellar all around performance.
Like any Disney movie, the villains scored first. Just three minutes into the game MS scored, giving them the lead. While many teams might be disheartened, the Red Army knew it was enjoying a magical run, and decided to milk it a little more. After a "fucking sick pass" from Neal, Brad tied the game at 1. Moments later, after Mark drew a penalty (he drew five on the night, and only took one... totally worth it) he slammed home a rebound on the doorstep and gave the soviets the lead with less than a minute in the period. Was... was it.... was it possible?
Midway through the second the score was 3-1, courtesy of a Peter goal, when Neal found the back of the net to increase the lead to three. Frustration was mounting for the Scoregasms, and they could not find a release. After a questionable penalty on Mark, the more-than-singular tallyloads scored on a slapshot. It would be as close they would "come". Peter and Brad each netted their second goals of the game, and on a 5 on 2 power play with 90 seconds remaining, Beege found the back of the net on a beautiful tic, tic, tic, tac, toe play. This of course activated the Hendricks curse, which has now increased its potency to 130-0.
POST GAME NOTES AND QUOTES:
-The Red Army powerplay was 4 for 6 tonight
-Ryan was money playing goalie at times during the game. His kick save was... a beauty.
-Neal and Peter continue their streak of outscoring Mark and Beege... but we all who will win that race.
-Pat continued his solid presence on D, and because of his jersey color was gypped of two points.
-Mark took four or five elbows from #00 who actually works at the sportsplex and is the Senior Asshole on staff.
-Goal of the game is Beege's 5 on 2 marker.
-Celebration of the game is Neal's "woooo", fist pump, followed by 2 and a half minutes of line dancing with rented hookers.
"Tonight was sick. We absolutely dominated them. I mean, you think it would be a huge disadvantage that we were without a goalie... and it was... but man we just took it to them. We wiped the floor with them. We wiped our asses with them actually. Oh, good game man. (A MS player walked by) We really did just bend them over and rape them is what I'm trying to say. And not figuratively. They are going to give birth to an illegitimate Red Army baby 9 months from tonight and it will be a constant reminder of how we just beat them without a goalie. Catch my drift?" An exhausted Mark said after the game.
"I took one off the elbow in the first while I was in goal... but man, if it had hit me in the face, let's just say I don't mind going back to prison." Ryan went on to add. "Although last time was a traffic offense so if I killed a bitch it would probably be higher security. Also we probably wouldn't get cable."
"I don't know what to say about tonight." An elated George Lopez told reporters after the game. "I mean, we were on the verge of moving to Kansas City four games ago, now we're the hottest team in town. Our ticket sales have increased by two thousand percent. Have you seen the ratings?!? We beat American Idol last week. If these boys keep it up we might have a chance of beating Tyler Perry's House of Payne, cable's number 1 sitcom!"
STANDINGS UPDATE & REDDER ARMY INFO
The Redder Army defeated the Individual Team 8-1, moving them into sixth place. The victory avenged a heart breaking loss last game to the Cryptic Stench. The Stench lost to Bear Calvary tonight, meaning that second place now belongs to Red Army. With four games left in the season, it is very unlikely that Blackout will be caught, but there is certainly some pressure.
MARK NOTE
For the 199th straight season, Mark has reached the 30 point plateau. That is all.
Like any Disney movie, the villains scored first. Just three minutes into the game MS scored, giving them the lead. While many teams might be disheartened, the Red Army knew it was enjoying a magical run, and decided to milk it a little more. After a "fucking sick pass" from Neal, Brad tied the game at 1. Moments later, after Mark drew a penalty (he drew five on the night, and only took one... totally worth it) he slammed home a rebound on the doorstep and gave the soviets the lead with less than a minute in the period. Was... was it.... was it possible?
Midway through the second the score was 3-1, courtesy of a Peter goal, when Neal found the back of the net to increase the lead to three. Frustration was mounting for the Scoregasms, and they could not find a release. After a questionable penalty on Mark, the more-than-singular tallyloads scored on a slapshot. It would be as close they would "come". Peter and Brad each netted their second goals of the game, and on a 5 on 2 power play with 90 seconds remaining, Beege found the back of the net on a beautiful tic, tic, tic, tac, toe play. This of course activated the Hendricks curse, which has now increased its potency to 130-0.
POST GAME NOTES AND QUOTES:
-The Red Army powerplay was 4 for 6 tonight
-Ryan was money playing goalie at times during the game. His kick save was... a beauty.
-Neal and Peter continue their streak of outscoring Mark and Beege... but we all who will win that race.
-Pat continued his solid presence on D, and because of his jersey color was gypped of two points.
-Mark took four or five elbows from #00 who actually works at the sportsplex and is the Senior Asshole on staff.
-Goal of the game is Beege's 5 on 2 marker.
-Celebration of the game is Neal's "woooo", fist pump, followed by 2 and a half minutes of line dancing with rented hookers.
"Tonight was sick. We absolutely dominated them. I mean, you think it would be a huge disadvantage that we were without a goalie... and it was... but man we just took it to them. We wiped the floor with them. We wiped our asses with them actually. Oh, good game man. (A MS player walked by) We really did just bend them over and rape them is what I'm trying to say. And not figuratively. They are going to give birth to an illegitimate Red Army baby 9 months from tonight and it will be a constant reminder of how we just beat them without a goalie. Catch my drift?" An exhausted Mark said after the game.
"I took one off the elbow in the first while I was in goal... but man, if it had hit me in the face, let's just say I don't mind going back to prison." Ryan went on to add. "Although last time was a traffic offense so if I killed a bitch it would probably be higher security. Also we probably wouldn't get cable."
"I don't know what to say about tonight." An elated George Lopez told reporters after the game. "I mean, we were on the verge of moving to Kansas City four games ago, now we're the hottest team in town. Our ticket sales have increased by two thousand percent. Have you seen the ratings?!? We beat American Idol last week. If these boys keep it up we might have a chance of beating Tyler Perry's House of Payne, cable's number 1 sitcom!"
STANDINGS UPDATE & REDDER ARMY INFO
The Redder Army defeated the Individual Team 8-1, moving them into sixth place. The victory avenged a heart breaking loss last game to the Cryptic Stench. The Stench lost to Bear Calvary tonight, meaning that second place now belongs to Red Army. With four games left in the season, it is very unlikely that Blackout will be caught, but there is certainly some pressure.
MARK NOTE
For the 199th straight season, Mark has reached the 30 point plateau. That is all.
Monday, July 7, 2008
White Wins Red War
When the season's schedule was released, July 6th was circled on everyone's calendar. The anticipation building up to the match-up of Red Army vs Redder Army was palpable. Journalists toyed with headlines for weeks, fans of both teams placed their wagers, and the coaches game-planned. By the time 10 pm rolled around, the NRHAMLDS website (National Roller Hockey Adult Men's League Dulles Sportsplex) had received over 8 billion hits, although much of that is attributed to the website's eerily similar URL to the popular pornographic site: NRHAMLD (Naughty Rabid Haitian-American Mothers Licking Dicks). Point being, by the time the puck was dropped many people had erections, for one reason or another.
As expected, it didn't take long for one team to find the back of the net. Red Army, who wore white because they are the team closest to God, got the early lead thanks to a Beege snipe. The winger ripped a shot short side on the goalie. Moments later, Beege's twin brother Neal extended the lead to two. Before the game was five minutes old the game was 3-0, as Mark continued his recent tear by weaving in and out of defenders before depositing the puck in the goal on a semi-breakaway. Some sensed blowout, but a determined Redder Army squad only saw opportunity for a comeback. The slightly more socialist group potted four even-strength goals in the frame's final ten minutes, with play-makers Barone and Wilson leading the charge. After the first, it was 4-3 Redder Army.
Whatever was said during that first period on the Red Army bench must have struck a nerve, because Mother Russia came out on fire. "Brad and Ryan talked about being defensively responsible, and I just reminded everyone that we play better when we utilise all of our players with good passing and supply strong puck support. We knew Andrew was giving us a strong outing between the pipes so we wanted to get him more goals. But I think what really got us fired up was when George Lopez, the owner of the franchise, came down and told us if we lost this game we'd be relocating to Kansas City. Now I don't know if it was a bluff or not, or if he is really the owner of the franchise... he just told us he was, and let's be honest, who fucking questions George Lopez? The point is we didn't want to go to Kansas City, ain't nothing good ever come from KC."
B-List celebrity cameos aside, the second period was dominated by the original comrades. Ryan leveled the game at 4 on the power play with a shot from the point. Neal regained the lead with a perfectly placed shot through a screen. Mark, having already been engaged in a brief scuffle with Tony, added insult to injury by netting his second of the night on a wrister from the slot, making it 6-4. The goal of the game came next on a beautiful one timer from Beege. Ryan took the puck from his blue line and skated across center into the offensive zone. He circled the net and found Beege, who was parked in the slot. Beege's one timer was clocked at 104 mph, and beat the goalie top shelf. The celebration was pure jubilation. After three years of practicing one-timers in front of his house, Beege had scored on one. Before the period would end, Brad would add one more to make the score 8-4 heading into the 3rd.
"We certainly didn't think it was over going into the third." A disappointed Steve said after the game. "We knew they had offense. We were trying to go goal for goal with them, but couldn't keep up. What's that age-old adage that always gets thrown around? You brought a knife to a gun fight... well we brought a scooter to a bike race. We brought a camel to the derby. We brought pez to a Halloween party. We brought a product of lesser value to a convention revealing the hottest commodity. That being said, I enjoyed playing them and can't wait to again. Had we scored early in the 3rd instead of giving up one, things might have been different."
While certainly not the nail in the coffin, Ryan's goal to start the 3rd definitely made things much more difficult for the Marxister Militia. Peter chipped in to make things 10-4, and also activated the fabled Hendricks curse: anytime all four Hendricks brothers score a goal in the same game, the Red Army is undefeated (128-0). The kiss of death, as none teams call it. There was a brief redder scare, as Barone and Wilson tallied seconds apart from each other to bring the game within 4, but all other attacks were staved off. Mark salted the game away with his third of the game in the final two minutes. The first Red Army vs Redder Army battle ended 11-6 in favor of the Red Army.
"It was a fun game, but I definitely don't want to play them in the first round of the playoffs." An abnormally sweaty Peter said afterwards. "Sure the scoreboard says we won by five, but they hit posts and missed chances.... right now they could easily be celebrating the win." His cocky brother Mark was not so nervous. "Playoffs, bring it on mofo. Woooo baby! Fuck it, I don't even wanna wait for the first round. Let's play them in the play-in game to the playoffs. God damn we're on fire right now. Hey Blackout, suck ma bawls we're coming for you."
So there you have it. When the season started we knew there would be an entertaining game to watch. Now as journalists, we just hope there is one more game this season, if you catch my drift. With the way the standings are right now, a #4 vs #5 could very well be in the cards, although this deck is missing two jacks and a nine.
As expected, it didn't take long for one team to find the back of the net. Red Army, who wore white because they are the team closest to God, got the early lead thanks to a Beege snipe. The winger ripped a shot short side on the goalie. Moments later, Beege's twin brother Neal extended the lead to two. Before the game was five minutes old the game was 3-0, as Mark continued his recent tear by weaving in and out of defenders before depositing the puck in the goal on a semi-breakaway. Some sensed blowout, but a determined Redder Army squad only saw opportunity for a comeback. The slightly more socialist group potted four even-strength goals in the frame's final ten minutes, with play-makers Barone and Wilson leading the charge. After the first, it was 4-3 Redder Army.
Whatever was said during that first period on the Red Army bench must have struck a nerve, because Mother Russia came out on fire. "Brad and Ryan talked about being defensively responsible, and I just reminded everyone that we play better when we utilise all of our players with good passing and supply strong puck support. We knew Andrew was giving us a strong outing between the pipes so we wanted to get him more goals. But I think what really got us fired up was when George Lopez, the owner of the franchise, came down and told us if we lost this game we'd be relocating to Kansas City. Now I don't know if it was a bluff or not, or if he is really the owner of the franchise... he just told us he was, and let's be honest, who fucking questions George Lopez? The point is we didn't want to go to Kansas City, ain't nothing good ever come from KC."
B-List celebrity cameos aside, the second period was dominated by the original comrades. Ryan leveled the game at 4 on the power play with a shot from the point. Neal regained the lead with a perfectly placed shot through a screen. Mark, having already been engaged in a brief scuffle with Tony, added insult to injury by netting his second of the night on a wrister from the slot, making it 6-4. The goal of the game came next on a beautiful one timer from Beege. Ryan took the puck from his blue line and skated across center into the offensive zone. He circled the net and found Beege, who was parked in the slot. Beege's one timer was clocked at 104 mph, and beat the goalie top shelf. The celebration was pure jubilation. After three years of practicing one-timers in front of his house, Beege had scored on one. Before the period would end, Brad would add one more to make the score 8-4 heading into the 3rd.
"We certainly didn't think it was over going into the third." A disappointed Steve said after the game. "We knew they had offense. We were trying to go goal for goal with them, but couldn't keep up. What's that age-old adage that always gets thrown around? You brought a knife to a gun fight... well we brought a scooter to a bike race. We brought a camel to the derby. We brought pez to a Halloween party. We brought a product of lesser value to a convention revealing the hottest commodity. That being said, I enjoyed playing them and can't wait to again. Had we scored early in the 3rd instead of giving up one, things might have been different."
While certainly not the nail in the coffin, Ryan's goal to start the 3rd definitely made things much more difficult for the Marxister Militia. Peter chipped in to make things 10-4, and also activated the fabled Hendricks curse: anytime all four Hendricks brothers score a goal in the same game, the Red Army is undefeated (128-0). The kiss of death, as none teams call it. There was a brief redder scare, as Barone and Wilson tallied seconds apart from each other to bring the game within 4, but all other attacks were staved off. Mark salted the game away with his third of the game in the final two minutes. The first Red Army vs Redder Army battle ended 11-6 in favor of the Red Army.
"It was a fun game, but I definitely don't want to play them in the first round of the playoffs." An abnormally sweaty Peter said afterwards. "Sure the scoreboard says we won by five, but they hit posts and missed chances.... right now they could easily be celebrating the win." His cocky brother Mark was not so nervous. "Playoffs, bring it on mofo. Woooo baby! Fuck it, I don't even wanna wait for the first round. Let's play them in the play-in game to the playoffs. God damn we're on fire right now. Hey Blackout, suck ma bawls we're coming for you."
So there you have it. When the season started we knew there would be an entertaining game to watch. Now as journalists, we just hope there is one more game this season, if you catch my drift. With the way the standings are right now, a #4 vs #5 could very well be in the cards, although this deck is missing two jacks and a nine.
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