FUCK YEAH!

I've covered this team through the good years and the bad. In both eras there have been good games and bad games. Fans will argue whether or not this was a good game in a good year or a great fucking game in a good year, I vote the latter. That was the most inspired effort I have seen since Mark tried to get in Chelsea's pants two weeks ago. But before I get to high on them and continue the praise, lets get to the- ya know what, fuck it, let's praise the fuck out of 'em.

Where to start, where to start? How about the number one star of the game: Pat King. He was told just prior to game time that he would play defense. How did he respond? Two goals and a whole lot of poke checking. "I was definitely nervous when Mark called me into the office and told me I was going to play back on D." An elated Pat told reporters afterwards. "I mean, I haven't played back since the summer. But wow, I mean to get that one early that just trickled in, that was a bonus and I was happy to be on the scoresheet. But then to get a power play goal in the slot... well that was just butter."

Pat wasn't the only soviet to score two goals tonight, both Jerrod and Brad also netted a pair. "Man I am exhausted, I had a double header right before this game but I decided to come out and give it my all." "Brad said. "By the way has anybody seen my cup? It is raggedy, reeks of ball sweat, and has the appearance of AIDS." Jerrod, the number two star of the night, was also talkative in the locker room afterwards. "Fuck yeah mother fucker! This boat engine make noise mother fucker!"

How about the players that didn't appear on the score sheet? Bryan "heat seeking missile" Lynch was a force, creating turnovers and havoc for the Grenades all night. Steve Hand, whose stifling defense earned him the 3rd star of the night, spoke about the team's commitment to the system. "Look, we play a system. When we stick to the system we are golden. When we don't we get scrambled and end up chasing too much. The system is everything. What is the system? I can't reveal that information. See I'm like the Mormon church, it's better that you don't know much. But I can tell you this, just to keep the Mormon analogy going, our "mission" was to win. We "converted" on our chances and Kraus was our "savior". "Jesus" tap dancing "Christ" I am happy. Wow, I'm aroused too! Look at this boner! Seriously look at it!" The boner, which was nicknamed the boner of victory, was not available for comment.

Chris Duhaime and Mark Hendricks each chipped in with an assist. I repeat, on a night where Mother Russia earned two points in the standings, Mark and Chris supplied two points of offense, and both were assists. How's that for secondary scoring? "I think I played more the role of the coach tonight." Mark said. "I was yelling on the bench, directing traffic, talking to people, and making sure everybody was on the same page. I even lost my voice in the end there, but I feel great. I mean really, I am pumped." Asked if he had a career in coaching once his playing days are over, Mark supplied this gem: "Hell no, I score goals and bitches. I ain't no hoochie. Although a mustache might look good on me."

Tony Horton also tallied an assist to close out the scoresheet. Tony's net presence was huge, just like his frame. I mean that guy is big. Seriously, does he live near a nuclear power plant? Does he eat smaller people for meals? If one of his limbs were chopped off would it instantly regenerate into a bigger more muscular limb? If that was the case should the Red Army begin chopping off Tony's limbs? Would he fight them? Would he kill them? Would he cook them in a a cauldron and grow more? Who knows, all I know is he is a big fucking rig.

So that wraps it up here at Dulles. Great game, great action. As usual Andy is loitering around, naked. If that is his attempt to get an interview, well, it's quite pathetic. It looks like a turtleneck. Over and out commies, enjoy your victory boners.