Jerrod Funk You

Perhaps no player on Mother Russia is enjoying a better season than Jerrod Funk. The offensive defenseman, or defensive offenseman, has been quite potent on both the offensive and defensive fronts. He has racked up five goals and five assists in four games, and has emerged as a star capable of leading this team to greatness.

"The past few seasons have been tough." Funk told me while removing his skates after practice this morning. "I mean, sometimes you hate coming to the rink when you know you are going to get killed. But recently we're winning games we never would have won in the past. We're not giving up goals in the last minutes of periods, we're scoring them."

Scoring indeed. Funk notched two in Tuesday's thriller over the Grenades. His ability to find space and use his speed to fly by defenders makes him a force, and it opens up more room for other skaters. "Yeah I love playing with Jerrod." Mark said, sitting comfortably in his wheelchair. "When he gets the puck, he goes. We probably generate three or four odd man rushes a game just by plays that he makes. Plus, that guy has a hot girlfriend. How come she doesn't come to the games?"

Captain Hand, who is always a tough one to please, did have one grievance with the Funk master flex. "He always texts me before games and asks 'how many'. What difference does it make, we need him. Plus, I don't think he has Verizon, cause he works at Sprint. Those are text messages in my messaging plan I could be sending to my girlfriend (Cara). I don't have as many texts left at the end of the month when I'm trying to score, cause I've spent them all sending them to Jerrod trying to get him to score."

Jerrod and company face off against the Cryptic Stench on Sunday. Now I am still on the fence on this issue, but some fans feel that this matchup could be a potential playoff matchup. Regardless, it will be a good measuring stick to see where the soviets are. That's it from me today, don't let it get stale commies.