Tonight's Red Army match featured something that previous games have lacked... for years: offense. Like a sexually frustrated man, Red Army cranked many loads out over the canines in what can only be described as the grossest analogy in years. The scoring was lead by Hendricks, who netted five points (2g, 3a), while Horton, Hand, and Funk all enjoyed 3 point nights.
"I'm still a little rusty after the surgery." Hand said after the game. "But luckily I got on the board early and then things just started rolling. It was nice to get back into the groove. I'm not sure if you are aware but I have 3 goals in 2 games. I think that's a record pace. Had you noticed? I mean I think you guys are pretty good with stats usually but I'm just pointing it out." Simek was not as pleased with the effort tonight. "One fucking point?!? One point!?!"
Hendricks and Lotocki (2g) had each played a game just an hour prior to this game. "I'm glad we were able to make it here on time." A very sweaty Lotocki commented. "I mean, my car smells like shit." Hendricks, who earned the first star of the night and was awarded with 3 virgins, still had a few things to be unhappy with. "Okay, so you know on Steve's first goal, the give and go? Yeah, so I was thinking we could have had at least two more gives in there. I would have definitely let him be the go, but for him to not give and go on his own, I mean, does he know who I am. Nobody goes without giving to me. I'm like a prison guard and Steve shooting is like him urinating without asking me. Sure I'd let him take a piss, but I just want to be included in the equation." Hand's rebuttal was simple. "I backhand five hole bitches."
So it's a two point night here as I wrap it up here at the sportsplex. Everyone has vacated the arena, except for Schram, who is still loitering around obviously desperate for an interview. Sorry buddy, low on battery. Catch you on the flipside comrades.
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