Red Army Neutralizes Stench, Keeps Dancing

It finally happened. The wire to wire, consistent effort fans have been waiting for, finally happened. They came out strong and they did not let up. The inevitable let up that fans have become so accustomed to did not occur. The Soviets' three solid periods tonight earned them three more, and a chance to continue their season.

"We got off to a great start. It got everyone going on the bench." Defenseman Jamie Simek said afterwards. "When they scored early in the second period I thought maybe they would push to make it a one goal game, but we were the ones doing the pushing. It was great. We all played great, I mean... somebody kept taking penalties, but I won't go there. Lynch."

Mark I-Might-Be-Russian Hendricks got the scoring started in the first minute of the game. After not connecting with Pat King on an early rush, the two regrouped at center and gave it a second go. This time a cash register sound effect would be heard. Pat sent a nifty behind the back pass to Mark, who cut through the middle and deposited the puck behind the goalie after several jaw dropping moves. Cha Ching.

"When I got that pass I thought to myself, 'Oh God I must score'. I did. I score goals, and sometimes you need score goals if you want win." Hendricks spoke from his locker room stall. "It's unbelievable. Just unbelievable." The fake Russo-accented sniper would tap one more home just a few minutes later, courtesy of another great pass, this time from Chris Duhaime.

Steve Hand made it 3-0 in the waning minutes of the first when he corralled a rebound in front, and using the defenseman as a screen, fired one that elluded the goalie. "I was pumped. Absolutely pumped." Steve said. "Wooo baby! You know that was the game winning goal. Gee double-fucking-you gee. "

The reason for the lopsided first wasn't all due to the offense though. A spirited effort on defense as well as a stellar performance by goaltender Matt Kraus had the Cryptic Stench scratching their heads at intermission. Kraus kicked shots away, snagged shots labeled for the top corners, and was a sponge when it came to rebounds. "Come on boys!" He said as he left the dressing room to play another game.

Brad Lotocki, Brian Lynch, Tony Horton, and Jamie Simek all played as a unit. Shots that came, came from afar. There were few breakdowns and the penalty kill when called upon came up big. "It was a solid effort from our guys." Tony Horton said. "No doubt about it. This one makes you feel good inside. It's a satisfying feeling in your stomach. Like after you eat a sleeve of Fig Newtons. Or the feeling only Beth's Cafe in Seattle could supply with their famous twelve egg omelets. Mmmm... I could eat some eggs right now. Or pork. I could definitely eat some pork. Any type of meat really. Or breakfast food. I wonder if the kitchen is still open here." Tony then turned to see if it was, but was distracted by a child who had been left alone by his parents. "Never mind." He said, as he began applying salt and pepper on the boy's scalp.

Chris and Pat each tallied in the middle frame. Chris successfully completed a wrap around just seconds after the lead had been cut to two. Pat scored on the power play in what was the luckiest goal of the game. After circling the goal and waiting for things to develop, he opted just to throw it on net. Good things happened. "I saw Mark pointing and then I saw the fans go crazy." Pat said. "I thought it had either gone in or there was a full scale zombie attack. But, when reconsidering the situation and figuring that zombie expert Brian King was here, and that he never enters a building before zombie proofing it, I surmised that it was a goal."

The Stench would score their final goal of the season before the second period expired. The 5-2 margin increased to 7-2 in the third period as Mark tacked on two more. One on his patented curl and drag to a snipe move, the other on a rebound. A few roughing penalties later, the horn sounded and the Red Army was advancing.

I'll have an update before Thursday's second round matchup versus the Strangers. Before I go, seeing how tonight is a special night with the Red Army advancing, I'm feeling all warm inside so I'd thought I'd throw Andy Schram a bone and give him an interview. Andy? Andy? Wait, is he not here? Well, tough luck kid. Maybe next year.