Tom Bends Mother Russia Over, Thrusts

The schedule showed that two teams would face each other on Tuesday night. It would be the Red Army against the Grenades. Two teams, yes. Yet the final score yielded an unthinkable, if not impossible outcome: Tom 5,000, Red Army 0. Yes folks, in the most blatant case of refereeing bias I have ever seen, Tom the Ref, known best for his consistent calls and enforcement of the chin strap rule, went rogue.

"I don't know what happened out there." A visibly upset Hand said afterwards. "We're playing the game, a good game... and Tom kept calling penalties. It felt like we played the entire second period down a man."

Tom's destruction started in the middle frame. With the game still very much in reach at 3-1 Grenades, Wilson, who was skating his first shift, was called for slashing. Slashing, yes. A penalty that warrants a two minute stay in the sin bin. Not today. Wilson received a five minute misconduct, a game suspension, two years of academic probation, four points off his licence, a library late fee, and a permanent ban from the South Pacific. Needless to say Hendricks was unhappy with his comrade's sentence.

"I was upset with a few things. First off, that slash was a slash, we all know it. But five and a game? What the hell? I've been slashed more times than the prices at Walmart but I've never seen a suspension handed out. It was amateur. That's the kind of stuff you never want to see decide a game. Terrible, absolutely terrible." Hendricks continued. "By the way, that Walmart joke.. heyooo!"

But believe it or not, Tom's wrath was not over. Horton was whistled for roughing, Lynch for tripping, Hand for sneezing, Lotocki for double parking, Funk for last name fraud, and King, who did not suit up to play, for climbing booeys. All in all, it amounted to 44 minutes of penalties, and at one point gave the Grenades a 12 on 1 advantage. They were unable to capitalize.

Everything was killed off. Shots were blocked, zones cleared, and when the dust settled there was 15 minutes left on the clock and a two goal deficit to be overcome. But quite frankly, there was nothing in the tank. The energy used on penalty killing caught up to Mother Russia as she became lackadaisical in her own zone and let a few in right through the wickets. Buzz bombs pierced Kraus and howitzers ripped mesh. The dispy doos that Hendricks once did were now easy 'sticking' calls for the linesman to make. The horn sounded and the season ended. There were highs and lows, lefts and rights, five holes and nine holes... While it sucks to end it this way, another season starts soon. I'll post an update on players for the summer season later this week.

Rest up kids.