Monday, June 29, 2009
KILLING SPREE
The Red Army is 2-0 in its last two games. How often has that been true? Exaggerated headlines aside, let's get down to facts and stats and recap what was a beautiful 12-4 win over the Predators.
After falling behind 1-0 early, Mother Russia evened the game at 1. Mark Hendricks took a pass from his brother Neal, and fired one top shelf where Mommy hides the Nutella. Later in the period, Tony Horton would continue his assault on the record books by finishing off a two on one with Mark. The period would end with the Soviets up only one, but brimming with confidence.
"We knew that (the Predators) had just beaten the Grenades so we had to take them seriously." Captain Steve Hand said. "But when we were out there we just took it to them. I guess you could say they were the, ready for this... prey."
The second period was the coming out party of the Mark and Neal line, or Meals on Wheels as fans have called them. The two put on a puck possession clinic, and Neal, after hitting the post on a wide open backdoor feed from Mark, redeemed himself with a pair in the middle frame. Ben, Steve, and Mark all netted one in the second period, and all came from right on the goalie's doorstep.
"We had to get bodies in front." Mark said after the game. "We want to get traffic in there and have more guys there to keep the play alive. If they send one guy to the front, we send two. If they send two guys to the front, we send three. If they send three guys to the front, we send four. If they send four guys to the front, we send five. If Tom sends one of our guys to the box for too many men, we send two of Tom's guys to the box for poor mustache maintenance."
It was not all offense however. The defense, headed by offseason free agent pick up Ben Breiterman, was solid again. Brian "Beege" Hendricks got his first point of the season with an assist and Andy Schram continued his impressive play by displaying calmness with the puck.
"Go Beege!" Beege said as he was exiting the arena.
The final fifteen minutes was a period for padding stats. Neal and Mark finished their hat tricks, and Mark added a fourth. Steve and Chris each tapped home another one and the horn sounded. The game was over and the Red Army had improved its record to 3-2. With the season nearing its midway point and the jostling for position in full swing, Mother Russia is setting up shop near the top of the standings for the first time in many years. On Thursday, She will face the Mad Dads in a matrimony battle that rivals the neighbors next door. Hold on to your boots comrades, this season is getting more fun by the minute.
WRAP UP NOTES/QUOTES AND THREE STARS:
-Tony Horton now has six goals in five games. He is well above pace for a ten goal campaign, 15? Here is what he had to say: "If I get ten goals I'd be happy. Very happy. Like after Thanksgiving when you can sit back and said you had all you could. But if I could get 15... oh boy. That would be like having a Thanksgiving and a half. Man, that's a lot of turkey."
-Mark and Neal were a combined plus 9 on the night, having been on for 9 of the goals scored for and 0 against.
-When Chris Duhaime shows up for a game in the last 3 seasons, the Red Army is 2930-0.
-Andy Schram ended his penalty-less streak at 2 games.
-3rd Star: Steve Hand
-2nd Star: Mark Hendricks
-1st Star: Neal Hendricks
After falling behind 1-0 early, Mother Russia evened the game at 1. Mark Hendricks took a pass from his brother Neal, and fired one top shelf where Mommy hides the Nutella. Later in the period, Tony Horton would continue his assault on the record books by finishing off a two on one with Mark. The period would end with the Soviets up only one, but brimming with confidence.
"We knew that (the Predators) had just beaten the Grenades so we had to take them seriously." Captain Steve Hand said. "But when we were out there we just took it to them. I guess you could say they were the, ready for this... prey."
The second period was the coming out party of the Mark and Neal line, or Meals on Wheels as fans have called them. The two put on a puck possession clinic, and Neal, after hitting the post on a wide open backdoor feed from Mark, redeemed himself with a pair in the middle frame. Ben, Steve, and Mark all netted one in the second period, and all came from right on the goalie's doorstep.
"We had to get bodies in front." Mark said after the game. "We want to get traffic in there and have more guys there to keep the play alive. If they send one guy to the front, we send two. If they send two guys to the front, we send three. If they send three guys to the front, we send four. If they send four guys to the front, we send five. If Tom sends one of our guys to the box for too many men, we send two of Tom's guys to the box for poor mustache maintenance."
It was not all offense however. The defense, headed by offseason free agent pick up Ben Breiterman, was solid again. Brian "Beege" Hendricks got his first point of the season with an assist and Andy Schram continued his impressive play by displaying calmness with the puck.
"Go Beege!" Beege said as he was exiting the arena.
The final fifteen minutes was a period for padding stats. Neal and Mark finished their hat tricks, and Mark added a fourth. Steve and Chris each tapped home another one and the horn sounded. The game was over and the Red Army had improved its record to 3-2. With the season nearing its midway point and the jostling for position in full swing, Mother Russia is setting up shop near the top of the standings for the first time in many years. On Thursday, She will face the Mad Dads in a matrimony battle that rivals the neighbors next door. Hold on to your boots comrades, this season is getting more fun by the minute.
WRAP UP NOTES/QUOTES AND THREE STARS:
-Tony Horton now has six goals in five games. He is well above pace for a ten goal campaign, 15? Here is what he had to say: "If I get ten goals I'd be happy. Very happy. Like after Thanksgiving when you can sit back and said you had all you could. But if I could get 15... oh boy. That would be like having a Thanksgiving and a half. Man, that's a lot of turkey."
-Mark and Neal were a combined plus 9 on the night, having been on for 9 of the goals scored for and 0 against.
-When Chris Duhaime shows up for a game in the last 3 seasons, the Red Army is 2930-0.
-Andy Schram ended his penalty-less streak at 2 games.
-3rd Star: Steve Hand
-2nd Star: Mark Hendricks
-1st Star: Neal Hendricks
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Four Games In, Red Army Not Four Games Below
Mother Russia takes on the Predators tonight in her fifth game of the season. Though a 2-2 record is modest at best, when compared to past seasons there are more than a few reasons for fans and players alike to be happy.
"We have many goals for this team." Captain Steve Hand said in a phone interview from his girlfriend's family reunion. "One of them is to finish with a winning record. We haven't done that ever. Oh Cara can you throw a few more dogs on the grill for me? Sorry about that, yeah having a winning record is the first goal. We also want to finish in the top 4 so that we can get a first round bye. Anyone that follows this team knows that we have never made it past the second round of the playoffs. We'd certainly help our chances if our first playoff game was in the second round. Oh, excuse me, yes I'm Steve. Nice to meet you. Yeah... yeah. George Mason. Yeah the basketball team. No in an apartment. You too. Hello? Yeah but top 4 and third round or bust. Damnit Cara I said no mustard."
The Soviets played their best game in many moons last Sunday when they defeated the Ill Tempered Sea Bass 5-1. Kraus frustrated the angry anchovies and Ben's hat trick had the bass reeling and leaving this journalist scratching his head for more metaphors.
Mark Hendricks, who leads the team in points, attributes the recent success to the secondary scoring. "If you look at our stats, we have guys with 9 points, 8 points, 7 points, 6 points... there is no drop off like there was in years past. It would be me and Wilson with 50 points and then the third guy would have 15. Now we have more depth. We are harder to stop. Hell, Chris, Tony, and Pat all have more goals than I do. If you were going to tell me that four games into the season I would have two goals I would say that we were 0-4. But we're 2-2. And I have 7 assists so fuck you I'm not underachieving. I'm just more well rounded. I banged your daughter last night Barry. So now I've scored three times."
Tonight's game will be a good test for the Red Army. Without Kraus and Ben, expect the Hendricks boys to step up. Hand is due for a goal and if Chris shows up this one could be an old fashioned shoot out. Andrew Schram is suiting up for the third time this season and continues to remind me of his father.
"We have many goals for this team." Captain Steve Hand said in a phone interview from his girlfriend's family reunion. "One of them is to finish with a winning record. We haven't done that ever. Oh Cara can you throw a few more dogs on the grill for me? Sorry about that, yeah having a winning record is the first goal. We also want to finish in the top 4 so that we can get a first round bye. Anyone that follows this team knows that we have never made it past the second round of the playoffs. We'd certainly help our chances if our first playoff game was in the second round. Oh, excuse me, yes I'm Steve. Nice to meet you. Yeah... yeah. George Mason. Yeah the basketball team. No in an apartment. You too. Hello? Yeah but top 4 and third round or bust. Damnit Cara I said no mustard."
The Soviets played their best game in many moons last Sunday when they defeated the Ill Tempered Sea Bass 5-1. Kraus frustrated the angry anchovies and Ben's hat trick had the bass reeling and leaving this journalist scratching his head for more metaphors.
Mark Hendricks, who leads the team in points, attributes the recent success to the secondary scoring. "If you look at our stats, we have guys with 9 points, 8 points, 7 points, 6 points... there is no drop off like there was in years past. It would be me and Wilson with 50 points and then the third guy would have 15. Now we have more depth. We are harder to stop. Hell, Chris, Tony, and Pat all have more goals than I do. If you were going to tell me that four games into the season I would have two goals I would say that we were 0-4. But we're 2-2. And I have 7 assists so fuck you I'm not underachieving. I'm just more well rounded. I banged your daughter last night Barry. So now I've scored three times."
Tonight's game will be a good test for the Red Army. Without Kraus and Ben, expect the Hendricks boys to step up. Hand is due for a goal and if Chris shows up this one could be an old fashioned shoot out. Andrew Schram is suiting up for the third time this season and continues to remind me of his father.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Hat Trick of Hat Tricks Leaves the Coyotes Howling
Tony Horton, Chris Duhaime, and Pat King all scored hat tricks in last Sunday's win versus the Coyotes, and the Red Army skated past their division rivals 13-5. For Horton and King, it was their first career hat tricks. The last time two players on the same team recorded their first hat tricks in the same game was 1927, when Griffith Wrenwald and Trent Yorkshire each scored four goals for the Archdukes in a 9-0 walloping of the East Egg Flappers. Like the poles switching, it was only a matter of time before it happened again.
"I had two going into the third period." King said. "At that point, Chris and Tony had already scored three so I wanted my third." His third would come midway through the frame on a nifty cross crease pass from Mark Hendricks, who collected five points on the night as well.
"I saw the goalie looking at me and I saw Pat open on the doorstep." Hendricks told reporters afterwards. "And I just thought back to the words of wisdom Shaquille O'neal gave me in the lyrics to his song 'Shoot Pass Slam' in the album Shaq Diesel. Should I shoot it, no! Shoot I pass it, no! Should I slam it, hell yeah! Though, I decided to pass it. So I didn't heed Professor Slam's advice all the way."
Shaq, who was in attendance, liked the pass but thought Hendricks could have been more creative. "You gotta slam that shit." The gigantic Suns forward said.
The game brought the Red Army to 1-1, with their next game on Tuesday against the Ill Tempered Sea Bass.
NOTES:
-Other players to find the score sheet were Jamie Simek, who had one goal and three assists, and Steve Hand, who assisted on two of the Russian tallies.
-Andy Schram played goalie as Kraus was no where to be found.
-Tony Horton leads the team in goals with four
-The three stars were the three hat trick scorers, with Tony earning the #1 star, Pat the #2 star, and Chris the #3 star.
"I had two going into the third period." King said. "At that point, Chris and Tony had already scored three so I wanted my third." His third would come midway through the frame on a nifty cross crease pass from Mark Hendricks, who collected five points on the night as well.
"I saw the goalie looking at me and I saw Pat open on the doorstep." Hendricks told reporters afterwards. "And I just thought back to the words of wisdom Shaquille O'neal gave me in the lyrics to his song 'Shoot Pass Slam' in the album Shaq Diesel. Should I shoot it, no! Shoot I pass it, no! Should I slam it, hell yeah! Though, I decided to pass it. So I didn't heed Professor Slam's advice all the way."
Shaq, who was in attendance, liked the pass but thought Hendricks could have been more creative. "You gotta slam that shit." The gigantic Suns forward said.
The game brought the Red Army to 1-1, with their next game on Tuesday against the Ill Tempered Sea Bass.
NOTES:
-Other players to find the score sheet were Jamie Simek, who had one goal and three assists, and Steve Hand, who assisted on two of the Russian tallies.
-Andy Schram played goalie as Kraus was no where to be found.
-Tony Horton leads the team in goals with four
-The three stars were the three hat trick scorers, with Tony earning the #1 star, Pat the #2 star, and Chris the #3 star.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Red Army Loses Season Opener
I missed last night's game, but from what I heard I didn't miss much. Mother Russia was unable to skate with the Cryptic Stench and fell 7-1 to kick off the summer season. I'll keep it brief with what I've heard.
-Tony now leads the team in scoring.
-Steve had a very nice pass.
-Beege had a good slap shot that hit the goalie in the face... FACIAL
-Neal and Beege need to shoot more
-People need to show up
Next game is Sunday at 5 against the Coyotes. Expect a different game with a different outcome. Given Mark and Steve's recent run in with a probable coyote in the wilderness, expect this game to be personal.
-Tony now leads the team in scoring.
-Steve had a very nice pass.
-Beege had a good slap shot that hit the goalie in the face... FACIAL
-Neal and Beege need to shoot more
-People need to show up
Next game is Sunday at 5 against the Coyotes. Expect a different game with a different outcome. Given Mark and Steve's recent run in with a probable coyote in the wilderness, expect this game to be personal.
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