Four Games In, Red Army Not Four Games Below

Mother Russia takes on the Predators tonight in her fifth game of the season. Though a 2-2 record is modest at best, when compared to past seasons there are more than a few reasons for fans and players alike to be happy.

"We have many goals for this team." Captain Steve Hand said in a phone interview from his girlfriend's family reunion. "One of them is to finish with a winning record. We haven't done that ever. Oh Cara can you throw a few more dogs on the grill for me? Sorry about that, yeah having a winning record is the first goal. We also want to finish in the top 4 so that we can get a first round bye. Anyone that follows this team knows that we have never made it past the second round of the playoffs. We'd certainly help our chances if our first playoff game was in the second round. Oh, excuse me, yes I'm Steve. Nice to meet you. Yeah... yeah. George Mason. Yeah the basketball team. No in an apartment. You too. Hello? Yeah but top 4 and third round or bust. Damnit Cara I said no mustard."

The Soviets played their best game in many moons last Sunday when they defeated the Ill Tempered Sea Bass 5-1. Kraus frustrated the angry anchovies and Ben's hat trick had the bass reeling and leaving this journalist scratching his head for more metaphors.

Mark Hendricks, who leads the team in points, attributes the recent success to the secondary scoring. "If you look at our stats, we have guys with 9 points, 8 points, 7 points, 6 points... there is no drop off like there was in years past. It would be me and Wilson with 50 points and then the third guy would have 15. Now we have more depth. We are harder to stop. Hell, Chris, Tony, and Pat all have more goals than I do. If you were going to tell me that four games into the season I would have two goals I would say that we were 0-4. But we're 2-2. And I have 7 assists so fuck you I'm not underachieving. I'm just more well rounded. I banged your daughter last night Barry. So now I've scored three times."

Tonight's game will be a good test for the Red Army. Without Kraus and Ben, expect the Hendricks boys to step up. Hand is due for a goal and if Chris shows up this one could be an old fashioned shoot out. Andrew Schram is suiting up for the third time this season and continues to remind me of his father.