Like a James Bond mission in the Nintendo 64 game Goldeneye, the Red Army can check off their first initiative on their mission that is the summer season. Avoid a losing record... completed. With the seventh win tonight, Mother Russia cannot finish worse than .500. Take that Trevilyan.
Though the standings might have suggested tonight's game would have a difficulty level comparable to beating a Nascar fan in Trivial Pursuit, the Thrashers did out skate the Soviets for much of the game and even had a lead. The scoring was started by Mark Hendricks, who took a breakaway pass from Neal Hendricks and deked out the goalie before debiting the goal account. The early lead would be short lived, as the Thrashers stormed back with two goals of their own to take the lead.
"We were all thinking, what the fuck?!?" Captain Steve Hand said after the game. "We were playing the Thrashers. The Thrashers? What is that, a talon? A claw? We were a better team than we played most of the night, I'm surprised we let it get that close."
The captain tallied his tenth goal on the campaign to knot the score at two. Then, in the dying moments of the first, magic happened. After Tony Horton drew a penalty with fifteen seconds left, Neal lined up to take the faceoff inside the Thrasher zone. The puck was dropped with four seconds to play. Neal tied up the puck and threw it in the general direction of the goal. The Thrasher goalie, a doctor, steered the puck out towards the opposite faceoff circle. Mark chased down the puck and fired a wrister that went five hole on House just as the buzzer sounded.
"Awesome." Mark said. "That was like my favorite part of a basketball game, the final seconds of the third quarter. You know, Kobe chucks up a three ball as the clock winds down? Ballllller!"
Despite the late tally, Mother Russia was unable to continue rolling and instead let the Thrashers tie the game again. The second period remained tied at three until the final minute, when the Hendricks line cashed in again. Andy Schram held the puck in the offensive zone and found Mark in the corner. Neal cut to the net and one timed a pass from his older brother. The shot went seven hole on JD and gave the Soviets a 4-3 lead going into the final period.
"We had to keep skating hard." Chris Duhaime told reporters. "This period it was do or die. Do... or... die. If we didn't win we were going to commit a team suicide like samurais. I don't think anybody wanted to die. Though I'm not so sure about Tony. His family's history tells me he isn't one to shy away from large groups of people dying together." Chris was of course referring to Tony's great grandfather Uri Schindler, who drowned with hundreds of other lost souls on the Titanic.
The third period began much like the second. With fifteen minutes on the clock and a faceoff. Also like the second period, the Soviets failed to continue the momentum gained from their last minute goal and instead played a slow paced game that allowed the Thrashers to again even the score, this time at four. The Hendricks boys again reunited, this time on a turnover deep in the Thrasher zone. Mark picked up a loose puck and found Neal in front who again one timed it past the sprawled out Student of Medicine. With only eight minutes to play it seemed as though things were going to turn out all right after all.
But wait, like a shark with low self esteem and an affinity for algae, there was no killer instinct. Mother Russia seemed insistent on not skating to loose pucks and not playing their game. With four minutes to go, a Thrasher cut down the middle of the defense and put one top shelf on Kraus. The shot knocked over the entire stash of Instant Breakfasts that the goalie stores there. And like that, a game that was supposed to be an easy two points was turning out to be a tough game, and those two points were slipping away like a cute blond on a cliff: painstakingly slowly. Cue the superman music, enter Neal Hendricks.
With exactly two minutes to play, Neal joined his brother on a rush and streaked towards the goal. Mark, pulling a page out of Neal's book, passed up a good shot and threw a feed across the crease to Neal, who had a step on his defender. Neal one timed it (his last two one timers found nothing but net) and the puck, faster than a speeding bullet, eluded Doogie Howser to give the Comrades a one goal bulge again.
"Boom goes the dynamite!" The elated twin of Beege said.
Mark drew a penalty with 90 seconds to play, and Steve and Chris, despite desperate hollering and pleas from their comrades to get back on defense, were able to stave off any last minute efforts the Thrashers pushed their way. The game ended, the two points were collected, and the seventh Cyrillic W was put in the books. It wasn't easy, but to quote a drunk guy who settles for a fat chick, "You gotta take what you can get."
OTHER NOTES
-Brian "Beege" Hendricks missed tonight's game because of an injury suffered Friday afternoon. A high stick to the face left him requiring two stitches just outside his right eye. It is unclear if this injury will affect the amount of times he yells "Beege" at random, inappropriate times.
-Pat King missed tonight's game because of his 21st birthday party last night and it is believed that he is still orbiting the planet somewhere. At last contact, Pat was about to reenter the Earth's atmosphere but was distracted by the moon that looked like "fucking butter."
-Ben Breiterman also missed tonight's game, but he did manage to kick somebody's ass somewhere.
-With 10 goals, Steve Hand is now the second highest goal scorer on the team. Asked if that means anything to him, the captain said "Yes."
-Andy Schram played a solid game and did not take a penalty. What the hell Andy? You pussy.
THREE STARS
#3: Tony Horton
#2: Mark Hendricks
#1: Neal Hendricks
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