Though many expected a cakewalk for the Soviets, Saturday's tilt was anything but easy for the Red Army as they defeated TBD Pierson 8-3. The game was still in question for much of the third period until Neal Hendricks and Steve Hand salted it away with three goals in the final five minutes. Until that point, the game had been played at a breakneck pace with back and forth rushes calling on both goaltenders to stand on their heads. Lucky for Mother Russia, Kraus's small frame does not put much stress on his head in these aforementioned acrobatic feats.
Mark Hendricks started the scoring in the first on a breakaway. He took a chip pass off the boards from Pat and skated in slowly on the goalie before tucking one in on the backhand. This came after TBD had enjoyed almost three minutes of zone time in the Comrades end.
"We had to start skating harder." Mark said after the game. "Some of our guys were being lazy out there. This team is fast, they're TBD for god sakes. Who the hell knows what that stands for? To be decided? Maybe. Take Back Denver? I couldn't tell you. But they were skating circles around us and the Broncos all period."
TBD tied the game shortly after Mark had given his team the lead. Moments later they would take the lead on a wrist shot from outside the right circle. At the end of the first the game was 2-1 TBD and many Commies were gasping for air.
"They have some guys that are fast." Jamie Simek told reporters. "They certainly have some get up and go. We had to be smart and play the angles. It was time to get out those contractors if you know what I mean."
I didn't.
"You know, contractors? They measure angles."
Protractors?
"No no no, you can't measure angles with a protractor. Hey look at me, I'm a filthy old protractor and I'm going to find some diamonds in this here mine! It's contractors I think. Wait, maybe its prostates I'm thinking of. Yeah, not contractors or protractors, we had to use our prostates. As soon as we took out our prostates they would have a hard time getting around us and we could play in their end."
Thanks to Jamie's prostate, much of the second period was indeed played in TBD's end, and the Soviets were able to generate more scoring opportunities. Neal knotted the score at two when he took his annual shot. The shot was a low snapper that just eluded the screened goalie. Mark would put the Russians ahead once more a few minutes later. After being stopped on a semi breakaway, Mark gathered the rebound and fired one top shelf where Madeline keeps her medicine to prevent breakouts.
At the start of the third, with the score still being 3-2, fatigue became apparent in TBD's game. Their fastest skaters could not keep up with the full bench of Lenin Lovers. The Army cashed in on a nice play where Brian "Beege" Hendricks fed Mark, who circled the goal and found Pat King backdoor. The goal... was butter.
"Back on track mother fuckers!" A boisterous King yelled in the sportsplex. "Wooo! Don't even act like you didn't see that goal. Fucking butter! I'm about to spread that shit on some bagels son!" A few minutes later Pat would add his second of the game on a rebound. "Two bitches! Two in a row! The king set up his throne in front of the net and fucked every princess in all of the land!"
Neal would tack on his second the next shift to make it a 6-2 game. "I decided to take two shots today." Neal said, as he locked his stick away in a vault promising to never use it again for anything but passing.
Steve would add two more in the dying moments of the game. Though he regularly scores with Pearson, this was his first time on Pierson. "It felt good, sooo good." An obnoxiously relaxed Captain said afterwards, speaking between puffs from his pipe as he sat wearing only a robe. "The first one was quick. It was my first time with Pierson so I was a bit nervous. I blinked and it was over. The second time, I enjoyed a little more. I was more confident with what I was doing down there and just found that hole and hit it."
Despite surrendering a late goal, Kraus was still the star in the 8-3 win and backstopped the Red Army to its third straight win. Now in sole possession of fourth place, for the night, Mother Russia can sit back and enjoy the three day break before the Tuesday night battle against the Grenades.
OTHER NOTES:
- Andy Schram and Ben Breiterman have each served their one game suspension and can return to action. As part of their punishment, both will also be required to visit area businesses and talk about the importance of having the correct amount of fun sexual harassment in the office.
- Tony Horton had a solid game on defense and continues to impress the German scouts that often watch him play. The invitations for the 2010 World Roller Hockey On Blue Surfaces come out next week and it will be interesting to see if he gets invited to play for coach Adolf Van Straussenhaussenmoussenbloussen's team in Berlin.
- The new jerseys are awesome.
THREE STARS:
3: Pat King
2: Neal Hendricks
1: Matt Kraus
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