Shockers Beat Red Army In Douche Baggery

The Shockers, a team renown for swallowing miles of cock, defeated the Red Army 7-3 Tuesday night, in what can only be described as the biggest showing of assholes since the the last Kenny Chesney concert. The Shockers, lead by their Grand Wizards of all things scrotum, #20 and #21, scored 7 straight goals on a series of power plays and empty net opportunities. It was to no surprise then, that despite the large bulge in the scoreboard, they were relentless in pursuing anything resembling a boner. For it is a well known fact, far and wide, that when the Shockers have a chance to sucker punch, they will. And if that sucker punch can come in the form of a spear to the opposing players gonads, then by all means, it will come. After all, these are the guys that wear backwards baseball hats when take advantage of younger girls that have passed out in the back seat of their 1983 Corollas. Adolf Hitler, history's leading asshole, would be so proud of his followers for assembling a hockey team. A more apt name for the Shockers would be the Fourth Reich, but that name is already taken by #21's band.

If any of the players on the Shockers happen to be reading this blog, which after tonight seems quite likely, then let me clear the air with a few simple things:
1: #20 is dirty. He hits from behind, then gets hit clean and then complains of sand in his vagina.
2: #21 slashes the center's nuts on every faceoff. Maybe your boyfriend is in to that sort of foreplay buddy, but some of us still need our cocks, especially if your mother ever wants to achieve another orgasm.
3: Most of the guys on that team are cool, and in reality, a fairly close game would be played if both teams could control their tempers. But the truth is, we hate each other. Maybe you don't hate us, but we hate you. Your dickish comments and dirty plays, your inability to turn down a good old fashioned sodomy session on a lonely orphan, and just overall asshole appeal. Game 1, you won, sure. But we still have one more game. And maybe another.

And Loges, I'm glad you didn't have to make a trip to the emergency room this time, pussy.

Fuck you guys,
Barry Fucking Melrose