10 in a Row, Mofos and Hos

They did it. The highly anticipated match up between the Bronze Division powerhouses, Prestige Worldwide and Red Army, ended with a win for the Soviets, giving them a ten game winning streak entering post season play. There were big saves, pretty goals, penalties, some well timed diving, and as the final horn sounded, there was also a swapping of seeds. Yes, not since Wilt Chamberlain's last All Star weekend has there been such an epic exchange of seed. Number 3 Red Army became number 2, as the dropped a deuce on the Prestigious.

The game's first period was exactly as many of the analysts expected it to be: fast, hard, and consensual. The teams raced back and forth over the blue surface in what proved to be a goaltender's dual of an opening frame. Both teams generated chances, but neither was able to dent the twine. Ryan Odell missed a backdoor one timer after a set up from Mark Hendricks, and moments later Hendricks was unable to convert a breakaway of his own.

"We couldn't find a way to get one past them," Odell said afterward. "I should have gotten that one in the first, but the angle was pretty extreme. Both teams were doing a good job backchecking, so the forwards didn't have as much time to create." Odell then popped a Vicodin and put his hockey gear into the trunk of his unicorn.

The first period ended scoreless, and both teams went back to their respective benches and caught their collective breaths.

"I was pretty dead after the first period," Hendricks said. "I mean, I think I was trying to run and gun a bit too much. We knew we were getting chances, but we had to be smarter. We had to stop forcing things and let it come naturally, wait, that came out wrong. What I'm trying to say is that I think we were squeezing our sticks a bit too tight. When we are going down on their goalie, we want to make sure we don't rush it. If we push it too hard, it will all be over too quick. We have to take our time down there and really work it. There, I think that came out much better."

Hendricks and company displayed more patience in the second, and they reaped the benefits early; often. On the very first shift of the second period, Ben Breiterman found an open Hendricks, who had slipped behind the defense, with a pass right up the middle. Hendricks lost the puck for a moment, causing the Prestige netminder to leave his crease for a diving poke check. Hendricks was able to regain control, elude the poke check, and fire the puck into the empty net from a difficult angle.

"I saw him up the middle," Breiterman said after the game. "I knew he normally hangs out back on the other side of the rink, but he is normally guarded. This time it was like the parting of the Red Sea. Since I'm Jewish and all, and Moses is my homeboy, I had to hit him with that pass. L'chaim! Yahtzee!"

On the ensuing faceoff, the Red Army went to work again. Odell pulled the draw back to Brad Lotocki, who was playing his second consecutive game since his journey out west. Lotocki drew two defensemen and fed a pass to Hendricks, who found himself sprung again, this time on a two on one rush with Odell. Hendricks, showing pass the whole time, caught the goalie off guard and shot a wrister that found the short side. After a scoreless fifteen minutes, the Red Army had struck twice in less than a minute. Floodgates: open.

Pat King joined the action and ended his three game goalless drought with a dandy on a delayed penalty. After Lotocki had drawn a penalty in the defensive zone, he fired a long outlet pass that King was able to corral. The goaltender again went for the poke check, and again, he missed. King backhanded the biscuit into the gaping twine, and the score was now 3-0.

They were not done. Moments later, the Labia Line made it 4-0. Breiterman gave Hendricks an indirect pass off of the boards, and Hendricks, with a full head of steam, took it hard into the zone. After skating by one defender, Hendricks threw a backhand pass across the crease where the King tucked it home. It was goal #100 on the season for the Comrades.

"It feels special to score the 100th," King said. "After not scoring in the first, some of us were worried it might not happen. But then the way we started the second period, hot damn. Throw your mother fucking "L"s up!"

Prestige Worldwide tried to stop the bleeding by calling their timeout after the fourth goal, but the dying victim that was their game was beyond saving. Odell made it 5-0 on a two on zero rush with King. Even though PW did manage to score on the power play late in the second, it was too little too late. It was as close as they would get. Hendricks completed his hat trick with an early power play goal of his own in the third, and Breiterman salted the game away with a blast from the point on another power play in the final minutes.

7-1. Game, Comrades.

OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES:
-"If there was one thing I learned during my hiking trip out west it is that there is always another hill to climb," a very poetic Lotocki told reporters after the game. "We may be very high on ourselves right now with our winning streak, but we have not done anything yet." Lotocki, maintaining his serious demeanor, continued, "If there was a second thing I learned about being outside for such a long period of time, is that there is no such thing as packing too little toilet paper."

-Scott Hoefer continued his solid play tonight, registering three shots on goal and a few shot blocks. In the final minutes of the third period, the defenseman went down to block a slap shot, even with the game well in control. "I don't like getting scored on. I think I made it pretty clear that I like winning," Hoefer said afterward, angrily shaking his fist at the members of the media. "If I wasn't ahead by such a large margin in the ass blocks, you better believe those buns would have been facing the fire."

-Matt Kraus played a solid game. Now can he show up in the playoffs? Not skill wise, but physically. The nation of Russia would appreciate it.

-Someone on Prestige Worldwide (I can't remember the jersey number) asked for a shout-out for their three penalty performance. I commend you sir. I can't remember the calls, but if they were for three different infractions then I would give you a star of the game, if only for creativity.

THREE STARS
3- Matt Kraus
2- Pat King
1- Mark Hendricks

Alright Comrades, regular season is over. 11-2-1. Pretty good, pretty good. Ready to do some real work now?