Ten wins. Yes beloved Comrades, ten. For the first time in the franchise's five year history, the team has reached the ten win mark. How did it happen? Well, tonight it happened like so many other Red Army victories have happened this year: in comeback fashion. Thanks to another fantastic third period and timely goal scoring, the win column for the Soviets is now double digits.
The scoring began in the first period, when Brad "Paul Bunyan" Lotocki hammered one in from in tight. Ex-comrades Lotocki and Brian Lynch rejoined their squad when Alternate Captain Mark Hendricks sent out a text message asking for help.
"Normally Mark's texts can be pretty gay," Lotocki said afterward, warming his hands over the makeshift fire he has created in the Sportsplex hallway. "Last week he quoted Miley Cyrus or something. But when he said that the Red Army was missing some people, I figured I could help out." Lotocki then proceeded to catch a Well Mannered Sea Bass and cook it over his open flame.
Lotocki's tally gave the Soviets a lead that was short lived. The Strangers struck twice before the conclusion of the first, and went into intermission leading by one.
"The bench was pretty quiet between periods tonight," Ryan Odell said. "I mean, some of us were hungover, some of us were sick, and some of us were just tired. We knew we had to keep skating. And I knew I had to keep hitting, cleanly."
Hendricks, who was a game-time decision to play tonight, got the offense going a bit in the second period. After an extended shift in the Stranger zone that ended without a goal, Hendricks found paydirt on a rush with Ben Breiterman moments later. Hendricks corralled a deflected pass from Breiterman and waited out the goalie before firing one top shelf right where Spongebob hides the cocaine.
"The pass didn't get through as cleanly as I would have wanted it to," Breiterman said after the game. "I just haven't been the same since washing my equipment. I never should have. I could really go for a Willa Ford bang right now. Is 5:03pm too early for a booty call?"
The seesaw game would continue though, as the Strangers responded to the Soviet strike with two of their own. Trailing 4-2 late in the second frame, the Red Army got another boost from Lotocki. With Hendricks planting a screen in front, Lotocki banged home a cross crease feed from Odell.
The period ended 4-3, and as usual, the Red Army was behind going into the final fifteen minutes of play. One line change was made at intermission, as Odell was shifted to forward to try and add another weapon up front and give more time between shifts to the weary forwards. With the defensive corps down to just three, it was going to be an uphill climb.
Lotocki, having just climbed most of the hills and mountains in America, tacked on his third of the game and leveled the score at four. As Mr. and Mrs. King threw hats down onto the rink, disrupting game play for a few minutes, Lotocki tended to his big blue ox, which had begun charging players on the adjacent soccer field.
Soon after the fiasco was over and the hats removed, game play was resumed, and Hendricks scored the two easiest goals of his career. The first came on a backdoor pass from Breiterman, which gave Hendricks a gaping 6X4 to shoot at. After taking the 5-4 lead, Hendricks would again be the benefactor of an empty net. This time Pat King pressured the goalie, who has strayed into the corner to play the puck, and intercepted an errant pass. The goaltender, trying to race back into his crease, was not as fast as King's pass to Hendricks. Hendricks took the pass and deposited his hat trick tally.
"I just put pressure on the goalie and he fired it right at me," King told reporters after the game. "When it hit me I heard Mark yelling from the crease, so I just threw the puck over to him. I'm not sure Mark ever was ever further than 10 feet from the Stranger's goal tonight..."
"Easiest goals of my lfe," Hendricks said, smiling smug as a dog before unleashing a hoarse cough that sounded of swine. "You all have AIDS," he added.
Hendricks would add one more on a breakaway to put the final nail in the coffin on the game. The score ended 7-4 in favor of the Red Army, and the streak was still very much alive.
OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES
-"I like winning," Scott Hoefer reported to anyone who would listen after the game. It is unsure at this moment what Mr. Hoefer's views are on ties.
-With seven more goals tonight, the Red Army now has a season total of 96, just 4 shy of 100.
-The Red Army clinched a first round bye with a Puck Ewes overtime loss this past Thursday, but with two points tonight they are now tied for second place with Prestige Worldwide. Quick question: Who is Mother Russia's season finale against? Amswer: Prestige Worldwide.
-Nine wins in a row... that's worth its own hyphen, no?
THREE STARS
3- Scott Hoefer
2- Pat King
1- Brad Lotocki
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