Well, it wasn't the rock'em sock'em battle that many had anticipated. It wasn't the offensive shootout that many had thought it would be. No, in tonight's game discipline and defense reigned supreme for the Comrades. It was the perfect performance for a team poised to make a lengthy post season run.
Before the game had even started, things seemed gloomy for Mother Russia. Kraus, who has turned out to be more flaky than a leper colony this season, was AWOL... again. True trooper Andy Schram was able to finagle some goalie pads after him and League Commissioner Andrew Jenkins broke down the door to the equipment room. The game was delayed a few moments, but after four warm up shots on the cold goalie (who was missing a girdle, cup, and a goalie mask) the teams lined up at center. The Soviets had only six skaters to take on their hated rival, but anyone following this team knows that these six have been winning for a month now (the last loss was one month ago tonight). Sorry Shockers, try as you might, the Red Army is a Russian Machine right now...and Russian Machine never break.
In true Red Army fashion, they fell behind early. Two quick goals against Andy had Mother Russia's Boys back on their heels. In fact, the second goal was waved off until Nobel Peace Prize candidate for his work in the field of Untimely Honesty, Ryan Odell, informed the referee that the deficit the Comrades faced was indeed larger than one.
"Look, I want to beat these guys just as much as anyone." Odell said afterward. "But I want to beat them fair." Odell's debit to the karma account would pay dividends in the third.
Still, trailing by two goals early in the first, the Soviets received a boost from the Bronze League Leading Scorer Mark Hendricks. He brought the game to within one moments before tying it on identical breakaway five hole dekes.
"Our forecheck let me get those breakaways." Hendricks said, while soaking in his bathtub. "Ahhhh... man this is soooooo comfy. But definitely, the forecheck was huge. We put pressure on them and made them make ill advised passes. They may be the faster team but we can slow them down and make them play into our system. We can be run and gun too. Oh wow... Strawberry Kiwi shampoo!?! I think so!"
The period would end knotted at two. Schram steered away a few shots though most of the action occurred in the Shockers' end.
The second period featured more even game play, and despite multiple glorious chances in tight, the Comrades were unable to pierce the rival goalie to take the lead. Hendricks was denied point blank a few minutes after hitting the crossbar. Pat King, looking to increase his point total, had a nice move to elude a defenseman only to be denied on a breakaway. Even Ben Breiterman, who has been money in the bank lately, was unable to dent the twine on two or three golden opportunities. Instead, on a quick transition after another failed Soviet attack, the Shockers took the lead on a goal that even Schram admitted was soft.
"It just kind of fluttered past me." Schram said, soaking in a hot tub while listening to Enya. "I mean, obviously I'd like to have that one back, but at the same time after the goal our guys really buckled down defensively and I got my confidence back. Hey, could you hand me those lavender candles? Thanks... ahhh nothing like the post game soak in the tub."
The Soviets trailed 3-2 going into the final frame. The bench seemed relaxed and calm though, far different from earlier in the season when a third period collapse was inevitable. Now the Red Army, who seem to make a habit out of third period heroics, were the ones causing the collapses. Their confidence was palpable.
"We talked about playing our same style." King said. "We knew we were outshooting them, we knew we were outskating them, and we knew we were limiting their skill guys to few chances. If we kept it up and kept getting shots on goal, good things would happen. The levy would break."
The greatest adage in hockey came true in the opening minute of the third period: throw the puck on goal and good things happen. Odell, upon skating east to west into the Shocker zone, fired a low slap shot. With Tony Horton crashing the net, the defending Shocker had his stick on the blue surface to try and tie up the Big Rig. Instead of steering it to safety however, the puck ricocheted off of his stick and directly into the goal. It was 3-3, and the Soviets were once again even.
A few more scoreless minutes were played, and thanks to short shifts the Soviets remained fresh while the Shockers seemed a bit sluggish. As a result, Horton and King had the energy to crash the net after a long slapper from the point was lost in the opposing netminder's gear. After a wild scramble and several whacks at the loose puck, the Comrades began celebrating as the whistle sounded. Horton and King were both pointing at the puck, which had slid under the goalie. The referee, reversing his original washout sign, pointed emphatically at the net and signaled that the goal was good. Pandemonium ensued. The Red Army celebrated at center, hugging and high fiving as they had taken a lead late in the game, while a pissed off Shocker (Shocker!) argued furiously with the lone referee. His arguing tactics were less than proper, and he was subsequently given a two minute unsportsmanlike penalty as well as a game misconduct. Thus, the streak of at least one player being ejected in a Red Army/Shockers game remains in tact.
"I think I got it." Horton said afterward, joking with King.
"No, no, no... totally my goal." King responded. "You got it on the goal line, I pushed it over."
"Noooo, I'm pretty sure it was all me."
"Well, you may think that but when they review the play in Toronto I think we will find the truth."
At this time it is unsure who the goal will be credited to, though it appears that Horton will be indeed tacking on another goal in his goal column.
The Red Army failed to capitalize on their powerplay, but they had certainly entered the head of the Shocker netminder. Having already been collided with a few times by Horton and (air) Hendricks, he was more apt to play the puck aggressively. It cost him. Hendricks gathered the puck, and with a head full of steam, circled the net. The netminder abandoned his post early to meet Hendricks at the other side. Hendricks was there, the puck was not. Hendricks made a nifty behind the back no look pass to Breiterman, and Breiterman made no mistake about it, slamming it home. 5-3. In a role reversal from earlier in the season, it was the Shockers who were wilting under the Russian attack.
Hendricks would seal the deal a few minutes later on yet another fivehole breakaway deke for the hat trick. Even with a three goal lead and three minutes to play, the Red Army players refused to let up. Scott Hoefer complimented his excellent defensive game with a textbook shot block, sprawling down to deflect the puck out of play off of his shin guards.
"I took one in my ass for Andy again tonight." Hoefer said. "I like blocking shots when I don't take them in my ass. I just have to learn how to repeat that form I had out there with the shin guards."
Fun fact: Hoefer leads the league in ass blocks with two (a new stat that began this season.) Another fun fact: He leads all other players by two.
Horton also blocked a shot late in the game, and despite a late penalty, the Soviets staved off the final attacks from the Shockers and exorcised the demons to the tune of a 6-3 victory.
"I would have fought someone tonight." Breiterman said, undoing the foil he had wrapped his fists in. "I gotta kick somebody's ass. Maybe a gay's ass. I haven't whooped a fag in a while. Where are Mark and Andy? They are pretty gay."
ODDS AND ENDS:
-If the Puck Ewes lose to Prestige Worldwide on Thursday night, the Red Army will clinch their first ever first round bye of the playoffs. What better way to make it to the third round for the first time in franchise history if you only have to win one game to get there?
-Hendricks now has his first ever 50 point season (oh yeah, I went there)
-Speaking of explosive offense, the Red Army now has 89 goals, 11 shy of 100. Quite appropriately, their final two games are against the 2nd and 3rd best defense's in goals against. As I've learned this season though, never bet against Mother Russia's Boys.
-King failed to put one where Pooh Bear hides the honey tonight, look for him to amend that quickly on Sunday.
Well, that's it for tonight Comrades. Next game is Sunday against the Strangers at 4 pm. Last time these two teams met the Red Army won on an own goal in overtime. With a lot on the line, don't expect the Strangers to be so giving. I said I wanted six points in the final three games, we got two, there's four more on the table.
THREE STARS:
3: Scott Hoefer (epic shot block)
2: Andy Schram (5-0 as a goaltender)
1: Tony Horton (best goal of the season... assuming Toronto agrees).
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