It's 2 PM on a Sunday. I'm sitting on my couch watching the Redskins put up a fight against the heavily favored Eagles. Still, instead of thinking about how awesome it is anytime a team from DC beats a team from Philly, my mind is bogged down by the struggles of another local team. A team that, though their franchise history is marred with losing records and untimely penalties, had turned the corner and righted the proverbial ship recently, bringing new hope to fans that this season, unlike all other seasons past, could be the season. I'm of course referring to Mother Russia's Boys.
As you may have noticed, we here at the R.A.D. have been lax in our reporting this season. The reason is simple, and the title of this article points it out, writing about losing is not as much fun. After winning 11 games straight to end last fall's season and kicking off this season with a thrilling one goal victory, the Red Army has dropped two straight games. Maybe we became spoiled in accepting every night to be a two point night. Maybe we became unfazed at late deficits and figured that nothing short of an act from God could stop the Soviets from tying the game late and eventually winning in the extra session. Maybe we got cocky. Whatever the reason is, it's time to face the facts. The Red Army is losing. Rome is burning. And the Eagles just kicked a field goal to take the lead into halftime. Thank God for Eric Fehr and Nikky B, right guys?
So, let's get this over with. Quick recap of last week's thrilling, heart breaking, dejavu tilt with Prestige Worldwide. Some notes about a game that is all too fresh in the memories of Comrades everywhere:
With a different goalie I think the Red Army wins. Then again, how many times has that been said? Andy Schram is back in net tonight (cue sigh of relief)
Mark Hendricks played great. That end to end rush to tie the game in the last minute of regulation was electric. Still, we've seen him light up PW before only to be completely shut down in the playoffs. If these two teams meet again in the postseason, someone else better find how to dent the twine cause #18 ain't having that much time again.
Mark's brothers' first game back since college... eh. Beege is a solid defender who is too cautious when jumping up in the play (and that backdoor tap in miss was pretty bad) and Neal, for reasons unknown, stops skating when he has the puck. We'll blame it on the rust. It was still great to see some more wheelers and dealers out there.
Scott Hoefer for surprise player of the year? Two goals on what, three shots so far? Keep firing. Also, arguably the best defenseman in the game.
Pat King didn't have his best performance of the year, and all signs in practice this week point to the dissemblance of the Labia line. I think we'll see a return of it sometime in the future, but for now, that line's luck seems to have dried up.
Ryan Odell might be the most frustrating player to watch for fans, and has a clear case of MG52 syndrome. Fans love him for his offensive prowess, but hate him for the mistakes he makes. When he plays well, he plays real well. When he plays poorly, you get the point. He's out tonight with a leg injury. Get well soon Brodell.
Tony Horton and Steve Hand play well when they have the puck. When they chase the puck, not so much. The sooner they realize that they are difficult to defend because of their size and hold onto the puck longer instead of making errant passes, the sooner they become legit offensive threats every shift.
Brad Lotocki and Ben Breiterman are good.
So there it is. I don't want to mention the fact that PW scored in the waning seconds AGAIN (this time in overtime) to defeat the Red Army, but I will say these two teams know how to entertain. Tonight, it's a domestic affair. Mad Dads versus Mother Russia. Momma's without some of her son's tonight, but with Schram in net, anything is possible. Just ask the Redskins, who are leading in the third quarter.
The Red Army out skated, out hustled, outworked, and out shot the Jeff Schultz Experience tonight. Yes, Mother Russia was dominant in nearly every facet of the game, but a hot goalie kept the JSE in the game and barely allowed the Soviets to eke out a win to start the season. I have to be quick tonight, but here are some post game notes.
I'll take goals from Mark Hendricks, Pat King, Tony Horton, and Steve Hand every night. If all four of them score every night, I like the chances of winning night in and night out.
Speaking of goals, Hand's falling down roofer was a thing of beauty. Talk about putting one top shelf where momma hides the banana daiquiri mix.
Continuing with goals, who guessed Tony Horton would get the GWG tonight? Who guessed that he would deke a guy in his own zone before getting on his horse for an end to end to score that GWG?
Scott Hoefer played awesome. Drew a penalty, fired a bunch of shots on goal (a few rang the iron), and was solid defensively. Can't ask for much more from a guy.
Mark Hendricks and Pat King were flying out there, and though they connected for three goals, anyone else think there was some rust? I think 3 tallies is going to be considered a low mark for them this season.
Ryan Odell saw a lot of minutes tonight and created a lot of chances. He still has the knack to be too cute at times, but his spin-a-rama is clicking at around 85% effective and hot damn if it doesn't look pretty.
Mountain man PioneerJohnny Appleseed Brad Lotocki was solid out there. His stability on the back end is definitely noticed out there in the canyonin the great plainsat the summit on the rink.
Andy Schram single handedly kept the Comrades in it tonight for long stretches of the game. He was charged and found guilty of left handed larceny on more than one occasion.
Ben Breiterman lost his car key and was unable to retrieve his equipment from his trunk. That is his bullet point for the night.
So, that's it. Mother Russia's Boys are undefeated. Enjoy it for now Comrades, the reigning champs come to town on Tuesday.
THREE STARS 3: Scott Hoefer 2: Tony Horton 1: Andy Schram
In a little more than two hours, the Red Army laces up the skates for their first game since suffering a painful elimination at the hands of Prestige Worldwide to end their season. The tears have since dried and the wounds healed... the memories however, are far from faded. Yes, we all remember the Fall 2009 Red Army season. A season that began with moderate expectations, saw a big free agent signing, featured a ridonkulouscareer year for a player, and had a streak that will likely never be broken. Ahhh.... so let's up the expectations, shall we?
First, before I break down a few keys to the season, I should catch everyone up to date on the roster and salary cap information. There was only one move for the Comrades this offseason. Jerrod Funk is out and Brad Lotocki is in. Also, in the true fashion of communism, all players will be receiving the same salary of $222,000. With ten players on the roster, that makes the Soviets the team with the lowest payroll in the league, but does leave the squad with considerable cap space ($42.7 million) if they want to bring someone in for the playoff push.
Caught up? Good.
Five keys 1) We must protect this Kraus! The defense must play to their potential. One glance at the roster and it isn't difficult to see that there is no shortage of solid defensemen on this team. But the defensive responsibilities shouldn't all fall on the arthritic shoulders of Hoefer and company. No, offensemen need to backcheck as well and provide targets for outlet passes. Develop these habits early.
2) Special teams. This is a tough one to make as a key, because without practice, the power play and penalty kill really just come down to who is there, who has energy, and who isn't in the box. While I could break it down and say that the PK is probably the bigger problem here, I'll simplify things by stating this: draw more penalties than you commit, score more on the PP than you surrender on the PK. Sounds simple, right?
3) Discipline. Continuing with that thought, wouldn't it have been nice to play the final 90 seconds of the season last autumn at even strength? Don't take dumb penalties.
4) Reign supreme. For several seasons there had only been one solidified goal scorer on the Red Army, but if the play of Pat King continues to improve, that notion can be thrown out the window. Even with missing four games last season, #57 still flirted with a twenty goal campaign. His offensive prowess showed and there was more chemistry between him and Hendricks than in a high school science hallway. Keep it going Hat-trick Patrick, keep it going.
5) Play smart. Plain and simple.
Expectations... Just one for this category: a championship.
So, there it is. It all starts tonight at 9. And remember, there is still a REGULAR SEASON winning streak of 10 games in tact. Let's keep that going, eh?
While I daydreamed in class this morning, ignoring yet another boring lecture on great American poets, an interesting thought came into my head. Well, I'd call it more of an epiphany. Whatever you label it, the subject matter is something that many northern Virginia Soviets might find interesting as it involves two teams very close to our hearts. Yes, after a brief trip down memory lane I realized that the Washington Capitals 2008-2009 season has many parallels to the fall season of the 2009 Red Army.
REASON # 1: Franchise records -The Capitals set a record for wins and points with 50 and 108, respectively. Likewise, the Comrades also set a record for wins and points with 11 and 23.
REASON #2: Packing the Phonebooth -The Caps set a record for sellouts (the majority of them occurring at season's end and continuing into the playoffs) and saw a spike in their season ticket sales. The Red Army also saw an increase in their season ticket sales when Mr. and Mrs. King purchased two seats in the luxury seats section near center ice... or rink.
REASON #3: Standings -The Capitals and Red Army both finished their regular seasons with the 2nd seed, both narrowly missing that elusive one spot.
REASON #4: First Playoff Round Played -The Caps opened the playoffs against the #7 New York Rangers. Despite being heavily favored (according to the standings) the Boys from DC struggled mightily and had to overcome a 2-0 series deficit before coming back and winning in game 7. The Soviets, after earning a first round bye, played the #7 Shockers. Despite being heavily favored (according to the standings) Mother Russia's Boys struggled mightily and had to overcome an early 2-0 first period deficit before storming back and escaping with a win in the final minutes of the game.
REASON #5: Elimination -The Caps fell to their rivals the Penguins (an animal that looks like it is wearing a tuxedo) 4-3 in the series in heart-wrenching fashion. The Penguins would actually go on to win the Stanley Cup, thrusting the dagger that much further into the hearts of the Caps. The Soviets fell to their rivals Prestige Worldwide (a team whose jerseys are tuxedos) 4-3 in a heart-breaking manner that hurt more than AIDS. As of today, as they are currently up 1-0 in the best of 3, PW is one win away from winning the championship and twisting the very big Russian knife further into the chests of the Comrades.
REASON #6: Player Similarities -Chris Clark/Steve Hand: The American captain who wears #17 suffered an injury during the season and missed many games. Should be traded/should live in a bubble.
-Simeon Varlamov/Andy Schram: The young goalie, seeing his first duty, proved to be an excellent backstop for the team and recorded an undefeated record in the regular season. Doesn't schmooze with overweight women/schmoozes with Tom.
-ShaoneMorrisson/Scott Hoefer: The defensman provided stability on the back end as he skated alongside one of the league's highest scoring defensman in years. Went to arbitration twice/blocked shots with his ass twice.
-Alex Ovechkin/Mark Hendricks: Led the league in goals and points and provided many "Youtube" worthy moments. Earns a league high 10 million dollars a year/makes more than 10 bucks an hour at a daycare.
-Alexander Semin/Pat King: Experienced a breakout year and established himself as a definite scoring threat. Might have cracked the top 10 in scoring if he had stayed healthy/skipped more classes.
-Mike Green/Ryan Odell: The defensman proved that he is a force to be reckoned with and contributed with bombs on the powerplay and exhilarating end to end rushes. Has a faux-hawk/lots of body hair.
There are a few names I can't make the similarities with. Tony Horton? No Cap moved from defense to forward besides Tyler Sloan, and Sloan wasn't as effective as Horton. Also, the only German (Kolzig) doesn't play anymore. Ben Breiterman? He is much more defensively sound than Green. Matt Kraus? Brashear plays for the Rags now.
Anyways...Just some things to mull over Comrades. And to add a little pressure. As stated here, the Caps' fate in April/May/June depends on how we perform this winter. Let's bring win a championship at Dulles, and bring a cup to DC.
There was a wild scramble. There was a loose puck. There was an extra man. There was a goalie sprawled down and out. And there was a dagger. Yes, my dear friends, comrades, loyal readers, and fans, Sunday night's semifinal playoff game between Prestige Worldwide and the Red Army was a nail biter that literally came down to the last second. As it ticked away, the clock struck midnight on Mother Russia's season. She stopped dancing, collected her belongings, and left the ball. It was over in the blink of an eye, bringing a record setting season to a halt, and leaving a bitter taste in the collective mouths of the Soviets, a taste that no amount of Stolichnaya Vodka could remove.
"I don't know what to say right now," Captain Steve Hand said, who played a very solid game. "This is back to back seasons now where we've been eliminated in the final seconds. In the summer it was four seconds, tonight is was one second.... maybe next season we'll force overtime."
Many of the players echoed the captain's sentiments.
"It's definitely a tough pill to swallow," Tony Horton said, who scored a goal in the second period to knot the game at two. "This pill is comparable to a large, sour tasting Advil. Only, it wouldn't be called Advil. It would be called 'Badvil', or 'I want to Die-agra' or 'Die-lynol', or 'I be loafin', or 'Novapain', or 'I'm gonna penikillin someone I'm so angry' or "fuck this shit I can't believe we lost like that- childrens' tablets'".
The game itself was a good game. Pat King, who enjoyed himself a career year, started the scoring in the first. Mark Hendricks took the puck behind the net and took it to the front before feathering a pass over to King. King promptly fired a one timer past the goalie, whose lateral movement was not quick enough for the two offensive maestros.
"It was big," A dejected King said in the locker room. "Early on Mark and I were able to create things, but they really took away our time and space as the game went on. We just couldn't.... we couldn't..." King, who then had to collect himself as tears began streaming down his face, (which prompted Ben Breiterman to briefly stop his post-game fistacuffs and call him a female) solemnly threw up an "L" and in a hushed manner, whispered the words "Labia... we will be back. We will be back".
The lead was short lived, and PW tied the score at 1 later in the opening period on a power play blast that beat Matt Kraus. The period ended tied at one, and both teams wondered if the back and forth breakneck pace would continue.
"I was breathing heavy on the bench," Mark Hendricks said. "I think the rum and cokes from last night may were still in my system. It didn't help that we were playing a good team. Man... I just feel so... so empty right now. Well, I mean I feel full because of the all of the drinking last night and then the big tuna sandwich I had before the game, but on the inside, in a non gastrointestinal sense, I feel empty. Like, I could go and see the most beautiful thing in the world right now and I wouldn't be moved. I could see two beautiful Norwegian lesbians engage in intercourse underneath the northern lights while a family of polar bears plays in the background, and my soul wouldn't be touched. No amount of lesbians, bears, or the beauty of theaurora borealis can save me tonight."
The Prestigious Ones took the lead in the second on a shot that Kraus would like to have back. A slap shot from the blue line beat the Soviet goalie, and put the Comrades behind for the first time of the night. Again, the lead would be short lived. With Hand causing havoc in front, Odell was able to sneak down low and fire a pass over that Horton who shot it home. Moments after tying the game, Odell drew a penalty when he was took a high stick to the face. The abrasion drew blood, and gave the Russians a four minute man advantage. Despite a barrage of shots and nearly the duration of the powerplay spent in the PW zone, Mother Russia couldn't turn on the red light. Again, the period would end tied. It was a now fifteen minute game, though a more apt description might be that it was a 900 second game.
(For the most part) the third period was played smartly by both teams. Pucks were chipped deep, shifts kept short, and shots thrown on goal. The tie was broken midway through the final frame, when PW, again on the powerplay, scored on a slapshot that beat Kraus up high. The resilience that Mother Russia had shown all season, came again. On a powerplay of their own with under five minutes to play, the Soviets capitalized. Breiterman took a pass from King and beat the goalie with a wrister from the high slot. It was three all.
"I knew I had the shot if Pat could get it to me," Breiterman said, still jawing with the opposing players in the hallway. "I took the pass in the slot and- what'd you say? Yeah, do something? Ok, ok, let's go, let's go. Oh, now you're backing down? You tuxedo wearing- Wait, sorry, yeah I fired the shot low and it went in. Looking back on it now, it was the Labia Line's last goal of the.... of the... " Breiterman's eyes began to well up. "God damn, I think playing with Pat has made me more feminine... oh no oh no oh no! Easy Ben, easy... just got to regain my composure here. Ahhh..." The defenseman wiped his eyes and took a sip of water before continuing. "Ah, okay. Yeah, it was a great pass from Pat and then we were able to tie it up. Wow, that was tough to talk about."
At that moment, Hendricks walked past Breiterman. Breiterman, trying to reaffirm his man status, quipped at Hendricks' affinity for baths.
"You gonna go take a bath you gay, gay little boy?"
"No," A calm, defeated looking Hendricks responded. "Not even a bath can wash away the feeling I feel right now. No amount of bubbles, or scented candles, or Kidz Bop albums can cleanse me." As Hendricks walked away, Breiterman, moved by his countryman's words, extended the olive branch.
"Wait man. I'm sorry. It sucks, it really does. Let's get a beer and hang out and talk about the memories." Hendricks paused, and looked up at Double B.
"I'm spending my offseason in Norway. When I'm back, if I have rediscovered my groove, we will hang. Something tells me I will have stories."
Strange, documented teammate conversations aside, the game continued tied at three. As I type this... no... no I won't. We all know what happened. They scored with 1 second left in the game while on the powerplay (nullifying a great defensive effort by Scott Hoefer, whose play tonight may have been the best of his career). Simply put, PW deserves much credit for the game they played. Maybe they can assist the mourning of the Comrades by having the loss they suffered tonight have been to the best team.
Well, I covered this team for three months. I said at the outset of the season it was third round or bust. In that regard, it was a success. And even though the thoughts clouding the minds of Mother Russia's Boys tonight may be of regret and what could have been, everyone, and I mean everyone, can take solace in the fact that for over 40 days in September and October, they did nothing but kick ass. So I end this blog post, and this season, with a toast to everyone who laced them up this autumn. A toast to the wild comebacks, the overtime wins, and the non gay love that was experienced twice a week at a blue rink in Dulles. Cheers, Comrades. You had a great season, and you drastically altered next Winter's expectations.
THREE STARS: 3: 2: 1: Ben Breiterman, Steve Hand, Mark Hendricks, Scott Hoefer, Tony Horton, Pat King, Matt Kraus, Ryan Odell, Andy Schram
