Rock the Red...Army?

While I daydreamed in class this morning, ignoring yet another boring lecture on great American poets, an interesting thought came into my head. Well, I'd call it more of an epiphany. Whatever you label it, the subject matter is something that many northern Virginia Soviets might find interesting as it involves two teams very close to our hearts. Yes, after a brief trip down memory lane I realized that the Washington Capitals 2008-2009 season has many parallels to the fall season of the 2009 Red Army.

REASON # 1: Franchise records
-The Capitals set a record for wins and points with 50 and 108, respectively. Likewise, the Comrades also set a record for wins and points with 11 and 23.

REASON #2: Packing the Phonebooth
-The Caps set a record for sellouts (the majority of them occurring at season's end and continuing into the playoffs) and saw a spike in their season ticket sales. The Red Army also saw an increase in their season ticket sales when Mr. and Mrs. King purchased two seats in the luxury seats section near center ice... or rink.

REASON #3: Standings
-The Capitals and Red Army both finished their regular seasons with the 2nd seed, both narrowly missing that elusive one spot.

REASON #4: First Playoff Round Played
-The Caps opened the playoffs against the #7 New York Rangers. Despite being heavily favored (according to the standings) the Boys from DC struggled mightily and had to overcome a 2-0 series deficit before coming back and winning in game 7. The Soviets, after earning a first round bye, played the #7 Shockers. Despite being heavily favored (according to the standings) Mother Russia's Boys struggled mightily and had to overcome an early 2-0 first period deficit before storming back and escaping with a win in the final minutes of the game.

REASON #5: Elimination
-The Caps fell to their rivals the Penguins (an animal that looks like it is wearing a tuxedo) 4-3 in the series in heart-wrenching fashion. The Penguins would actually go on to win the Stanley Cup, thrusting the dagger that much further into the hearts of the Caps. The Soviets fell to their rivals Prestige Worldwide (a team whose jerseys are tuxedos) 4-3 in a heart-breaking manner that hurt more than AIDS. As of today, as they are currently up 1-0 in the best of 3, PW is one win away from winning the championship and twisting the very big Russian knife further into the chests of the Comrades.

REASON #6: Player Similarities
-Chris Clark/Steve Hand: The American captain who wears #17 suffered an injury during the season and missed many games. Should be traded/should live in a bubble.

-Simeon Varlamov/Andy Schram: The young goalie, seeing his first duty, proved to be an excellent backstop for the team and recorded an undefeated record in the regular season. Doesn't schmooze with overweight women/schmoozes with Tom.

-Shaone Morrisson/Scott Hoefer: The defensman provided stability on the back end as he skated alongside one of the league's highest scoring defensman in years. Went to arbitration twice/blocked shots with his ass twice.

-Alex Ovechkin/Mark Hendricks: Led the league in goals and points and provided many "Youtube" worthy moments. Earns a league high 10 million dollars a year/makes more than 10 bucks an hour at a daycare.

-Alexander Semin/Pat King: Experienced a breakout year and established himself as a definite scoring threat. Might have cracked the top 10 in scoring if he had stayed healthy/skipped more classes.

-Mike Green/Ryan Odell: The defensman proved that he is a force to be reckoned with and contributed with bombs on the powerplay and exhilarating end to end rushes. Has a faux-hawk/lots of body hair.

There are a few names I can't make the similarities with. Tony Horton? No Cap moved from defense to forward besides Tyler Sloan, and Sloan wasn't as effective as Horton. Also, the only German (Kolzig) doesn't play anymore. Ben Breiterman? He is much more defensively sound than Green. Matt Kraus? Brashear plays for the Rags now.


Anyways...Just some things to mull over Comrades. And to add a little pressure. As stated here, the Caps' fate in April/May/June depends on how we perform this winter. Let's bring win a championship at Dulles, and bring a cup to DC.