Counting Down the Top Ten Moments of 2009- #10: The Return of Benny Boy

Hockey is a team sport. While the skills of individuals can shine brightly, especially in the backdrop of a blue surfaced rink, it is the collective efforts of a team working as a unit that reign supreme in our beloved sport. A championship caliber hockey team is a pure example of a whole being greater than the sum of its parts. One need look no further than the 1993 Disney Classic Cool Runnings, where we learned that it only takes one faulty part to dash the Olympic dreams of an entire nation and turn the pie-in-the-sky hopes of John Candy into the pie-in the-mouth depression inspired eating that led to his eventual demise. Still, despite this, we here at the Red Army Digest had to focus on a few individuals when reminiscing over a very successful calendar year. Certainly our top ten countdown will be heavily populated by team moments, but we found it necessary to highlight a few key players and the impact they had on the Soviet group. That's why Ben Breiterman's return for his third tour with the team leads off our countdown of top 10 moments of 2009.

It was the fall season of 2009 (yes, last season) and the Red Army was off to a slow start. At 1-2-1, the Comrades were reeling from a fire-sale in the off season that sent Neal and Brian Hendricks to Virginia Tech, Chris Duhaime to New England, and Ben Breiterman to Florida. It was as though overnight half of the offensive prowess had been removed and a staple on the blue line that had installed confidence into the greener defensive corps had vanished. The warm success of the summer season had faded and yielded to the unwelcoming cold of the Bronze Division cellar.

Salvation came in the form of a phone call.

On the early Saturday morning of September 12, 2009, Steve Hand earned his captain stripes for the decade.

"I was drinking with Andy at the townhouse and we decided to call our old Comrade," Hand said. "(Ben) had been in Florida for a few days, maybe a week or two, and I was just going to give him the classic drunk dial. I figured we'd talk about boozing, about hockey, about Jason's Deli not being the same, you know, things of that nature. I can't remember the specifics of the situation, but I remember that Ben was sober and told me that he was coming back up from Florida because he didn't like it and he wanted to rejoin the team. I mean, at that moment, I think Andy and my drinking increased three fold."

Breiterman, who had established himself as a fan favorite in his brief second tenure with the club (recall that Breiterman also played in the 2005 inaugural season before moving to Stony Brook for four years) had also established himself as a favorite player among teammates.

"It was great having him back there," Scott Hoefer said. "When he played with us that summer, we were winning a lot of games. I am a fan of anyone that can increase the chances of victory. I think everyone around these parts knows my staunch opinions about winning." Hoefer than gave the entire Northern Virginia region the stink-eye before continuing. "We thought we had lost him, but when we found out he was coming back, let me just say, I think everybody was breathing a huge sigh of relief. Like, a post (being fellated) exhale."

Tony Horton shed some light on the other positive aspects of the return. "With Ben gone, I had to play defense. When he came back, I moved to offense. It was a win win."

Schram, who was with Hand at the time of the breaking news, agreed with Tony. "With Ben back it gave me more confidence. I liked playing with Ben because he was a calming influence. Sometimes when I was paired with Tony he would yell orders at me in German and I wouldn't understand. Ben made it a point never to speak German."

Probably no two persons benefited more from the Yiddish speaking defender's return than Pat King and Mark Hendricks (with an honorable mention to Scott Hoefer, who benefited sometimes). With the resigning of Breiterman came the advent of the Labia line.

"I remember Mark's phone beeping in my basement," King said. "We were playing beer pong with ping pong paddles against my brother and Will, and the game was taking forever. Mark's phone kept going off but we were too focused on winning to answer it. Then my phone went off and I saw it was Steve. I picked it up and Steve was yelling on the other end really excited about something, and I saw Mark looking at his phone and reading text messages and he started jumping around, and then next thing I knew we were shotgunning beers. The whole night is pretty fuzzy, but I remember talking to Ben and he was much more sober than us."

Hendricks' account of the story was slightly different.

"I was in Vegas doing this plug for my upcoming movie: 'Lock and Load: the Shawn Razor Jenkins Story'. It's a pretty good script, actually. The story centers around my character, Shawn Razor Jenkins, a locksmith that finds himself entangled in a web of deceit, money, and closed doors. He learns that the key to success isn't under a doormat, but in his locksmith skills. Though with some of the trouble he gets into at some points he wishes he was better off dead...bolt. I digress, the gig in Vegas went pretty well though, the models they had weren't as hot as the ones I mingled with in Helsinki last spring but I wasn't about to complain. I was in my limo driving to Excalibur when Ben called. He told me he was coming back from Florida and was rejoining the team. It was pretty cool, I mean, I told him no worries. If I'm in the lineup, the Red Army is awesome as is. Just look at the stats, when I play we are like 71-76-2 or something, we are just fine. But he insisted and said he really wanted to play, so I threw the kid a bone. Everyone deserves a second shot."

Breiterman did much with the aforementioned bone (ignore that) and brought some of the fabled sun from the sunshine state with him. In all eleven regular season games that Breiterman played that season, the Red Army was victorious. King, Hendricks, Breiterman, and sometimes Hoefer combined for some highlight reel goals on their Labia line, the defense, already with Ryan Odell and Brad Lotocki, became even stronger, and the team somehow, despite all odds, set franchise records in wins, points, and goals for.

And all of it started with a phone call.

"These guys are great," Breiterman said, steadying his hands as he lit the menorah. "Steve, Andy, Brad, all of them, fantastic guys. I told them I'd bring them a championship. It didn't happen last season, but we're hungrier than ever. We're growing as a team. The hooker party last week was off the hook and a great chance to unwind around the midway mark of the season. I guess Steve really had a lot of stress."

So, that is our number 10 best moment of 2009. What say you loyal readers? Are we paying too much attention to the return of BB? Should we have given him a higher ranking than 10? Let us know, and remember, it ain't gay unless you know it's a dude.