Ben Breiterman

As a token of appreciation to the players that laced them up for the Jenkins Cup Champion Red Army team this late fall and early winter, the blog will be highlighting each player's season and doing a brief recap of a few defining moments that the player made to help Mother Russia dance her way to greatness.

Ben Breiterman:
Regular Season: 4 GP: 5 G, 5 A, 10 P
Playoffs: 4 GP: 5 G, 5 A, 10 P
(Regular season stats per Sportability, Postseason stats per Hendricksmemoryability)

Ben "Benny Boy" Breiterman will always hold a special place in the hearts of Soviet fans. Not only did he score the game series championship winning goal against the Puck Ewes in overtime, but his solid play on both the offensive and defensive sides of the rink made the other players around him better. His sound positioning and skating ability rounded out one of, if not the finest, defensive corps in franchise history, while his offensive prowess added firepower to a set of forwards who needed no help in finding the back of the net.

Then there's his physical presence.

Anyone following this team long enough knows that Breiterman does not shy away from the rough stuff. Seldom does the defender start it, but when he is instigated, he is more than capable of ending it (see Loges). A calming presence on the bench and in the locker room, the mellow toned Breiterman has a fire burning in his belly that burns deeper than four shots of "ch-ch" taken out of a ram's horn. Then again, would you expect anything different from a man synonymous with lavish prostitute-themed parties and stories of GMILF hunting in Ocean City?

Still, what everyone wants to read about is simply: "the goal". And while I could throw adjectives together a paint a scene that evokes goosebumps, I'd rather give an angle that few have seen, or rather, heard, before. WRAH, the flagship radio station of the Red Army, produced one of the greatest goal calls in the history of radio. Vladislav Ovechsemlamov, the play by play voice of Red Army Hockey four five years now, said after that game that "Now I can die in peace."

The goal call? Well, there is no link to hear the actual call itself, but loyal fan Sergei Murphy was gracious enough to send us an email with the call typed up. So, thanks to Mr. Murphy, here is Mr. Ovechsemlamov's call.

"...Seven minutes gone by here in the extra frame with the score tied four to four. The Soviets have already had a power play in overtime but were unable to capitalize. Face off to the left of Schram here as King leans in for the draw. Face off is won back to Breiterman and he'll take it around the net. Lot's of fans here in attendance tonight and all of them are standing, waiting to perhaps see history. Hendricks with the puck now and he'll carry it through center and into the zone. Hendricks being pressured turns back into his own zone and flips a pass over to Breiterman who has activated from the point. Breiterman eludes the check of a man and skates toward the goal looking for a shot! Breiterman lowers his shoulder to get the backhand off but elects to go forehand instead! He shoots.... GOALLLLLLLLL! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL! DO YOU BELIEVE IT?!? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!? BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! THE RED ARMY HAS JUST WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP! I REPEAT, THE RED ARMY HAS JUST WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP! THEY SAID IT WASN'T POSSIBLE, THEY SAID IT WOULD NEVER BE DONE, BUT THE RED ARMY HAS JUST KNOCKED DOWN GOLIATH AND NOW STAND ALONE AS BRONZE LEAGUE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD! THEY'RE PARTYING IN THE STREETS OF MOSCOW! (audible sound of a can opening, followed by several seconds of drinking, followed by another can opening, and more drinking) WEEEEE ARE THE CHAMMMMPIONS MY FRIENNNNND..."

Vintage Ovechsemlamov. Excitable, loud, and toasty. I guess that's Soviet hockey as well.

And to wrap up Breiterman's recap, as requested by some people who wanted grades for the season, I shall make the grades in three categories. 1) Regular season, 2) Post Season rounds 2 and 3, and 3) Championship Series

REGULAR SEASON: B
POST SEASON ROUNDS 2 and 3: A
CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES: A+

Those grades will get you into Gold league.