Friday, January 15, 2010

Cryptic Stench Ousted in Playoffs by Mother Russia

There are times when rookie netminder Andy Schram looks shaky. Times when his nerves, inexperience, and tentativeness show and he frustrates fans and players alike by allowing soft goals. Then there are times like tonight when he absolutely shuts the door against a team that threw plenty of rubber his way. Make no mistake about it folks, Andy Schram played the best game of his career tonight and is the primary reason there is at least 45 minutes of hockey left in the Red Army season.

"I was feeling good in warm-ups," Schram said after the game. "I think when I make a few saves and get the feeling of the puck on my pads I feel more into the game. I got lucky a few times when they hit the post, but for the most part I think I was playing the angles well and everything I saw I was stopping."

Stopping and more.

Schram kept rebounds in front of him and seldom looked out of position. The confidence he was showing on the rink was contagious, and players on the bench fed off of it.

"We knew he was on his game," Ryan Odell said. "He was playing great, so we needed to play great too. I think everybody played really well tonight and it was a fantastic team outing. If only Steve would stop crashing into me out there we could have really run away with this thing."

"So we got our signals crossed once," Captain Steve Hand said. "B.F.D. It's not like he was going to have a breakaway or anything. Wait, he was? Well it's not nice to run up the score. As team captain it is my responsibility to take those sorts of things into account at all times."

Captain Hand, despite a few run ins with Odell, played a strong game. On the second goal of the game he set a nice screen that enabled Mark Hendricks' one timer to evade the goalie.

Hendricks enjoyed himself another multi-point game with a goal and a helper, but it was his younger brother Neal that stole the show offensively. The youngest of the Hendricks brothers scored two goals early on to vault the Comrades to a commanding 3-0 lead after the first period.

The first tally required soft hands. A pass from Mark ramped up a stick and fluttered in the air in the crease. Neal slapped the levitating biscuit past the goalie and opened the scoring. After Mark's one timer made it 2-0, Neal closed the frame in style. With fifteen seconds to play before the first intermission, Neal corralled the puck in his own zone and raced ahead through center. He was taking it one on three, but that didn't seem to faze the aspiring Finn. Neal deked right, then left, then right again and fired a low, hard wrister that beat the goalie.

"I didn't have any option but to shoot," Neal said. "So I took a page out of Gary Larson's book at shot it far side."

"Heyoooooo!" Mark said, enjoying the joke that he wrote and Neal supposedly said.

Things got dicey in the middle stanza when the Soviets got into penalty trouble. Beege took a tripping penalty which sent the Stench to the power play. They struck, and as they did, Scott Hoefer had taken another penalty.

"I didn't feel good after they scored," Beege said. "But I think I got back at them when I accidentally wrecked their guy in front of Andy. High five!" The defenseman then high-fived himself.

During the second power play, it was the Soviets who had more opportunities. Mark Hendricks intercepted a pass and was off to the races, but the sniper was bumped at center and then finished by two Stench skaters in the corner. Hendricks, upset with the non calls, voiced his complaints to the referees but it was to no avail. A shift later, when things were back to four on four action, the Stench scored again and Hendricks was still stewing.

"That's a bunch of (balogna)! That was a (really big) disgrace! How the (heck) do you not make either of those calls?!? Just horse (defecation) is what that is. Total horse (defecation)," Hendricks said.

Ben Breiterman got the Comrades on the right track again when he answered with a quick goal of his own.

"Gentlemen," Breiterman said. "That is the power of the stash".

As a beat reporter I say with zero bias that the mustache #29 is donning is angelic. Heavenly, really.

The period would end with the Soviets ahead 4-2. Would the period that had treated the Soviets so well all year show similar fate or would things turn sour like so many third periods in playoffs past have? Pat King was quick to point out the importance of not letting up.

"Never take your foot off a snake and never take your hands off a whore," the centerman said.

Things remained back and forth for the bulk of the period with both goalies steering away chances. Tony Horton made the hill much steeper to climb for the Stench when he fired home a pass from Breiterman top shelf where Daddy hides the tickets to round three.

"It was a perfect pass and I Thomas Fleischmanned that ho," the German born winger said.

"Don't ever let go of that ho," King echoed.

The way Schram was playing, a three goal lead with any amount of time left on the clock would be too much for any team to over come. The Stench skated their final five minutes unable to mount much offensively, and as the buzzer sounded, they put away their hockey gear and brought out the golfing equipment.

Mother Russia kept on dancing.

"I know recently I said that I love winning and that I could not be any more for it. But again ladies and gentlemen, I have discovered another layer in my heart capable of loving greater than I had ever known possible. I love winning.... ready, get ready for it... I love winning in the playoffs," Scott Hoefer said, tearing up as he made fun of Neal for not knowing what the word "proactive" meant.



That's it from here tonight. Other things I didn't get to in the article:
-Beege played solid on the defensive side of things.
-We're going to miss Neal's offense in round 3 for sure.
-Hand's net presence was fantastic tonight.
-King was deking the best he has all season.
-Odell was a beast out there, and stepped in with timely faceoff wins too.
-Breiterman blocked a ton of shots in the first. A goal and two assists don't hurt either.
-Hoefer played exceptionally well, and I look forward to seeing Donald on Sunday.
-Horton's ability to roof job that in tight was orgasmic.
-Schram... not enough words.

THREE STARS:
3-Ben Breiterman
2-Neal Hendricks
1-Andy Schram

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