Thursday, May 13, 2010

Courtesy of Breiterman, Chapter One of New Rivalry Falls to Communism

In the first game played against each other since splitting, the Red Army defeated Hogstachio Pistachio on Tuesday night after Ben Breiterman scored in overtime, capping off a six point outburst for the defender.

"Sometimes things just go your way," Breiterman said after the game, hastily eating bananas after being instructed to do so by team mom physician captain Steve Hand. "It wasn't all me though, five of my six points were assists. That means the guys I'm passing to are burying their chances."

Scott Hoefer started the scoring midway through the first period. The defenseman picked up where he left off last post season, and pinched in on the play and created offense. After being denied in the slot, Hoefer collected the puck in his skates, turned, and fired a shot that beat goaltender Chris Celenski five-hole.

"I knew they had collapsed on me, and I was worried about turning the puck over to give them an odd man rush," Hoefer said. "But I just used my soccer skills to keep possession and then turn and fire a hard shot."

The defenseman then paused before adding, "I hate losing... hate it."

The lead was stretched to 2-0 when Hand tipped home a beautiful redirection in front. Breiterman sent a slap pass towards the captain, and Hand showed great dexterity by tipping the puck, which was going wide, between his own legs and back towards the goal, causing it to narrowly squeak inside the post.

"I finally got a tip in goal," Hand laughed after the game. "I think we've tried that play 2,000 times and this was the first time it worked, so hopefully it's a good omen for this season. What a play by Ben though, where is he? Oh, hey man, you're going to want to get some electrolytes in your body as well. Yeah, and make sure you continue to hydrate yourself even after you feel better."

The lead was short lived however, and friends turned comrades turned enemies wasted little time striking back. Tony Horton, who finished with a career high four points in a silver league game, scored the first goal for HP when he jammed home a rebound in front.

"They used to tell me to go to the front of the net," Horton said after the game. "Now I have taken the knowledge gained from their intelligence and used it against them. Oh the irony is rich, so rich! Muahahaha!"

Ryan Odell, who played a superb game as usual, knotted the score at two early in the second stanza on a low backhand that eluded goaltender Jamie Simek.

"I think they were trying to limit my slap shots and keep me to the backhand, so I had to make sure I put a lot of starch on them when I got in tight. That one had two cups of starch."

Pat King retook the lead for the Russians when he was the benefactor of another Breiterman pass. Breiterman finagled a pass through a sea of legs, sticks, and skates, that landed the puck on the blade of King, who made no mistake in one timing the biscuit home.

"I'm not sure if any other person on the team could have made that pass," King said. "Not only because of his skills and vision, but heritage. That pass might as well have been made by Moses himself. Maybe Ben's Jewish roots allowed him to tap into the resource of parting abilities, because I think if any Egyptians were watching from upstairs, they cringed."

Again, HP responded. Pete Collis, who did a fantastic job of frustrating the living daylights shadowing Mark Hendricks scored a goal in tight on a slap shot to the roof to tie the game at three. Moments later Odell struck again on another backhander that Simek wasn't able to track, and just before the end of the 2nd period, Horton netted his second of the goal on a hard wrist shot. The Soviet collapse was on.

"We had some serious regrouping to do on the bench," Drew Kelly said. "We were playing some lazy hockey and needed to get our act together."

The captain reaffirmed Kelly's statement.

"I think a lot of us were wondering where Mark was. He wasn't shooting, wasn't skating, and wasn't really doing much out there, so I just told him he better not let Ryan and Tony out do him tonight. He better wake up."

Hendricks finally did snap out of his funk, and he scored his first goal and point of the game and season midway through the final period. After collecting a pass from Breiterman, Hendricks stormed into the offensive zone, executed a perfect curl and drag on a defender, and fired a snap shot just under the bar past Celenski.

"That one felt good," a visibly relieved Hendricks said. "I needed to get something going, I had been stopped on two or three breakaways earlier in the game and it can really get frustrating. I realize now how frustrating it can be to play against Odell, the guy blocks everything, he's a machine. When I finally got a chance where he couldn't block it, I had to bury it."

With the deficit still one, the Comrades had several frantic rushes to tie the game, but the chances were staved off by Celenski and the defense. On the other end, Simek also held his ground and kept the Comrades in the game. The frantic pace of the game was costly for the Comrades, as several players had trouble keeping up. Breiterman passed out twice on the bench and even once on the rink while Hendricks, who was sick, couldn't skate hard for a few strides without feeling nasceous.

With the two most likely goal scorers struggling, Hand stepped up and tied the game himself. The Captain one timed a cross crease pass from Breiterman home to knot the score at five. The final seconds bled off the clock and the game went into overtime.

In the extra session, Hendricks drew a penalty after Horton held on to him, and the Comrades went to the man advantage. After not having much zone time and allowing HP to have the puck for the majority of the power play, the Comrades finally got the puck. King passed the puck to Breiterman at center, and the defender took it hard to the goal. With two defenders draped over Hendricks, Breiterman was unguarded as he bore down on Celenski. A wrist shot beat the goalie near side and ended the game, capping off a six point performance for him.

"I could see the guys didn't have much gas left in the tank just watching them celebrate," Simek said. "It was kind of a 'Thank God it's over' look'. It was pretty funny."

And as for his performance in goal?

"I think I was pretty good in there. There's one or maybe two that I want to have back, but the bottom line is that we won. That's a goalie's job, and I'm glad to be a defenseman and backup goalie on this team."

That's it for now. The two Hendricks twins arrived at Yohoo Red Army Skateplex this morning and appear to be ready to play on Sunday. I'll post any news if anything happens.

THREE STARS:
3: Steve Hand (2g, 1a)
2: Tony Horton (2g, 2a)
1: Ben Breiterman (g, 5a)

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