Strangers Fall, Second Place Up for Grabs Again

The Cryptic Stench defeated the Strangers last night 8-6 to close out the regular season for both teams. The Red Army, who finish their regular season Thursday night versus Prestige Worldwide, suddenly have a whole lot to play for. The Strangers' loss puts the second seed back on the table, and a Soviet win, tie, or overtime loss vaults Mother Russia back into the spot she has resided in for much of the year.

"I don't think we were expecting another chance at the two seed," Captain Steve Hand said. "It's great, I think everyone on our team knows why it's important and what's at stake. I think the playoffs start one game early for everyone in Russia."

I plan on posting a pregame write up sometime tomorrow so stay tuned.

Back to the Present

With all of the hoopla surrounding the Ryan Odell sweepstakes, we've been a bit too lax here with providing content about the current Red Army squad. So let's play a bit of catch up, shall we?

In the last two games, the Soviets have gone from first place contenders to likely third place finishers. Yes, by only gaining one point in the last two contests, the Soviets not only fell in the standings, they severely damaged their three-peating chances. A second place finish would have set up a match up with the Cryptic Stench, a team the Soviets have perennially dominated. Even with the three Hendricks brothers scheduled to be out of town for the first round, the belief on the team was that without the trio, the team could still survive a game against the Stench. But with a 0-1-1 record in the last two games, the Soviets now need help to finish 2nd in the division, and most likely will finish 3rd, setting up a match up with the Shockers.

"No doubt about it, it changes things," Ben Breiterman told the Sports Junkies on 106.7 WJFK's the Fan. "We all thought we had the two seed locked up, and we got lazy. Now we need help."

The help Breiterman was alluding to could come tomorrow night when the Strangers play the Cryptic Stench. A Strangers win would lock the Strangers into 2nd place and the Comrades into 3rd, but a Cryptic Stench victory, or a tie, would give the Soviets one last chance to claim the second to top spot. Of course that chance, should the Strangers fall, would come on Thursday night against Prestige Worldwide, in the second chapter of the Soviet Tuxedo.

"It doesn't matter what happens on Tuesday, sure it would be great if the Stench win, but it doesn't matter, we are getting up for Thursday," Breiterman said. "We want the trophy back. We'll get that trophy back."



I'll post a pregame write up sometime this week for game 14 of the regular season. Something tells me it's going to be a hell of a game.

"I have made my decision, but out of respect for my current team, I will not disclose my selection until after this season is over." -Ryan Odell

Thus, the waiting game begins.

It's a Bidding War, Folks

What we have here, this, this right here, is a war. Do you feel it? I do. Two nights ago Prestige Worldwide broke DSPRH rules and regulations by contacting Ryan Odell after the trade deadline of June 18. When we got wind of it, we of course fired back with a blog post alerting readers and Mr. Odell that we preferred if he stayed in the Motherland. Today, June 22, the Prestige Worldwide official website has fired back at us with offers that we can't match, but more importantly, they can't make.

As a news source, and not an official team website, our letter of contact was sanctioned. The same could not be said for PW, who haphazardly attempted to justify their communication with the defender with the pretentious line of "since no one quite understands what a Hogstachio Pistachio is, their opinion is irrelevant." I believe Hitler used an eerily similar line of, "Since no one quite understands why Poland matters..."

Still the league is doing nothing about this egregious behavior, and instead, looks to benefit from the bidding war that has erupted. Perhaps league commissioner Andrew Jenkins buys into the old adage that any press is good press.

But what can we do? How can we, fans of the Soviets, take up arms against PW? How can we stop their encroachment? The US of A began their quest to stop the Nazis on June 6, 1944 with what is commonly referred to as D-Day. Well today is D-Day part deux.

Sources close to the organization have revealed to me that Ryan Odell isn't the only player the Comrades are looking to bring back to the team. Apparently, and remember that this is all conjecture at this point in time, Brad Lotocki, Brian Lynch, and Tony Horton also all received offer sheets.

One thing that Red Army offers that Prestige Worldwide doesn't is comradery. We have the roster space to bring in four new players, four players who are old friends. And the drinking beers in the parking lot? That's fun, and we haven't done that. But we've taken shots of Georgian brewed vodka out of a ram's horn while wearing championship t-shirts.

I believe the term for that is, checkmate.

UPDATE: One more rumor to pass along. Sources have reported that Sean Hanley is upset with his current contract and is currently engaged in contract negotiations with the Shockers, Daggermouth, and the Mapleleafs.

An Open Letter to Ryan Odell

We here at the R.A.D. have been privileged over the past few years to meet several of our beloved comrades. The organization granted us press passes in the Spring of 2006 and since then, as our loyal readers know, we have been able to interview players and provide an inside look at things that other news syndicates simply cannot supply. Of course, being granted press passes did come with an "unofficial" promise to the organization that we would not report rumors. So for four plus years we've stayed above the mudslinging and only focused on the facts.

Until today.

Last night I heard a troubling rumor, and though it may be unethical to report it, I fear it would be more unethical not to report it. Yes, a true "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. So here it is: Prestige Worldwide has reportedly extended Ryan Odell an offer sheet to play in a tuxedo next season.

A text message from Odell at 11:46 PM last night confirmed these reports, though the defender claimed he did not know where he would ultimately end up. So, because we understand that Mr. Odell is an avid reader of this site, we have written him a personal letter in a last ditch effort to bring him back to the Red Army home.

Dear Ryan Odell,

We understand that you enjoy the reading material that we supply on this site and we are flattered. We understand that you are also a good writer yourself, as evidenced by this heartfelt blog post from last May's disappointing first round exit by the Capitals. We also understand that you were, just last night, offered a position on Prestige Worldwide. Yes Ryan, we know a lot about you. But do you know much about us?

Did you know that before you joined the ranks of the Soviets, it was tough to find ten positive things to write about in an abbreviated post game recap? Did you know that you helped totally revamp the defense? Did you know that you instilled confidence into a rookie goaltender who now plays the role of perennial MVP in the playoffs? Did you know that your diving poke check in game two against the Puck Ewes in the Winter 09/10 championship is still joked around our office as "the Superman?" Did you know that you possess the hardest slap shot in Red Army history? And did you know that if you wore a tuxedo next season, the balance of power would be skewed?

So why the letter? How does one team's blog bare any significance in your decision making process? Why should we even care? Well, besides the obvious jealousy that might stem from you moving to the only other blog wielding team, not much. But, we made this list of things that we can do for you if you re-up with the Comrades (who, in another rumor, are offering you a lifetime contract never to be kicked off again later this week). Here is what the R.A.D. can do for you:

1) You will be offered a position on the R.A.D. staff and be able to publish posts about all things Red Army.

So what do you say? Were you expecting more perks? Well, we're sorry, we spent most of our budget on the site's makeover.

If you chose to accept this agreement, we are confident that you will be happy with your decision. If not, and you do wear a Tuxedo next season, then we wish you only the best of luck. You were great while wearing Communist Red, and your tenure in Moscow will never, ever, be forgotten.

- The Red Army Fan Base

Video of Last Night's Game

Here is a highlight video of last night's game. I'm new at editing (just found software last night) but I think it's a decent debut. More to come later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PW-oXjGneQ

If I can upload it onto the blog instead of Youtube, it will be a much higher quality feed.

Lots of Material Coming

Hey all,

We have a lot of footage from tonight's game and tomorrow I promise to not only have an indepth analysis, but also a video of the highlights. The highlight package has been made, but because I discovered a editing program on my computer, I am going to add some music and try to make it "pimping". So, lots to come, just stay tuned.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

-Red Army Digest Staff

Game 10: Simek's Dagger Sinks Daggermouth; Pushes Win Streak to Four

With five minutes remaining in Sunday night's game between the Red Army and Daggermouth, the Soviets were clinging to a one goal lead. Jamie Simek, pinching in from the point, fired a loose puck through a maze of players and enhanced the lead to two, all but providing the nail in the coffin as somewhere enjoying his offseason, Steve Buckhantz gave his fabled call of, "Stabbing instrument that leads to the sudden execution of an opponent!"

Yes, with a 4-2 victory over Daggermouth, the Red Army improved their record to 7-2-1, increased their winning streak to four games, and continued to nip at the heels of the division leading Puck Ewes.

"It was a big win for sure," Simek said after the game. "We've really stepped up our play as of late, and we're finding ways to win, especially when 90% of the team is hungover."

Simek was referring to the World Cup party he had hosted the previous day at his abode in Fairfax. The party was attended by all 8 of the players that laced up their skates on Sunday night, many of whom laced them up while still legally intoxicated.

"I think my BAC was around the 1.4 or 1.5 range near faceoff," Ben Breiterman said. "Luckily, I sweated out an entire case in the first period. I mean, it is so hot in here!"

The scoring was started on a fluke goal after Andy Schram experienced a rare mishap. A puck caromed off of the end boards and back towards the front of the net. Schram had vacated his crease expecting to play the puck and watched in horror as the lively boards pushed the puck past him and into his crease where a waiting Daggermouth forward deposited the biscuit into the basket.'

"I have to learn how to play it off the boards. Christian let me down on that one," Schram said.

I'm lazy... and not feeling it right now, so I'll recap the last part of this post in hyphen format:

• Neal had two goals and is beginning to assert himself as a legit goal scoring threat
• Andy played lights out
• Hoefer was the only Comrade able to stop Celenski it seemed
• Mark had the GWG on a nice looking goal
• Steve and Beege played well and finished each with a +1 rating

7-2-1... how about that?

Game 9 Recap: Red Army 10, Shockers 5

If these two teams were to meet up in the postseason later this month, guessing the outcome of that game would be near impossible. The Soviets lost 11-3 in the season opener to their rivals, but rebounded earlier this week by doubling up the Shockers 10-5. What is known? If a third game is played between the two this season, one team will score more than the other... probably a lot more.

Here are ten notes on the game:

• I think it is safe to say that the Neal Hendricks/Steve Hand line is clicking. Seven points on the night (4 goals, 3 assists) including a four goal outburst from the younger twin makes it difficult for opposing teams to contain the red jersey wearers.
• And the other twin? Two goals and an assist for the Beege. He's been quietly racking up some points.
• Staying with the defense, take Beege's three points and add Ben Breiterman's five and you are getting outrageous production from the blue line.
• Before we go back to tooting the collective horns of all of the goal-getters, let's not forget who allowed the Soviets to earn the two points tonight: Andy Schram. Another solid outting by the Iron Curtain, racking up 32 saves in a game that saw the Comrades get territorially dominated for large portions. That is, until they started playing.
  
• Drew Kelley's speed poses several problems for opposing forwards, and he has quickly solidified himself as the swiftest skater on the squad. He throws everything on net, plays solid defense, and brings a cheering section to each game. I'd say he was a good pickup.
• Pat King had himself a nice little hat trick. It's his first of the season, but with his continued increase in production, I'm not sure it will be his last.
• Mark Hendricks had a relatively quiet night with four points, netting a goal and adding a handful of assists. Would anyone have guessed that if the Red Army was going to score 10 goals that #18 and #29 were going to account for just one of them?
• Scott Hoefer did what he does best: blocks shots, captains the defense, and wins. He enjoys it, and that's good for everyone.
• Jamie Simek also played a sound game. Top notch stuff from Jimma Jam.
• The Puck Ewes are sweating.

THREE STARS:
3: Ben Breiterman
2: Andy Schram
1: Neal Hendricks


I'll recap the Red Army/Daggermouth game in the morning. Spoiler alert: the good guys won 4-2.

Red Army Upsets Puck Ewes in Dominating Performance, Climbs Higher in Standings

Entering play on Thursday night, the Puck Ewes sat atop the Silver Division with a lofty 6-0-1 record. They were undefeated 7 games into a 14 game season, and aside from their lone tie, had played only two games where the final score had been decided by three goals or less. Yes, these guys were good.

Unfortunately for them, game eight was against the Red Army. Thanks to stellar goaltending by Andy Schram, an offensive explosion in the first period, and a commitment to team defense, the Soviets derailed the Puck Ewes' bid at a perfect season and defeated the number one seed by a score of 7-3. The good news for the Puck Ewes? They still have played only three games where the score was decided by three goals or less.

"We get up for these guys, number one seed or not," Captain Steve Hand, who tallied his fifth goal of the season, said. "We have some history with these guys, and I'm sure they still remember our series from two seasons ago. It's all about making sure they always remember the night they played the titans! I mean Red Army... Red Army."

The scoring started early, with the Soviets striking on their first shot of the game. After Mark Hendricks intercepted a breakout pass, he fired the puck across to Beege. Beege dumped the puck in below the Puck Ewe goal line to Pat King, and King slid a pass in front to Hendricks who jammed home the puck before celebrating, pausing, and celebrating again.

"I didn't know if it was in or not," Hendricks said after the game. "I shot it five hole, and I knew there was daylight between his pads so I figured it went in so I celebrated. But I couldn't find the puck in the net, so I thought maybe I should keep jamming at his pads. Luckily Patty said the puck was in so I shot my arms back up and got my 'bration on."

The lead was shortlived however, as on the next shift, after a botched drop pass resulted in a turnover, the Puck Ewes struck to tie the game.

It would be the closest they would get.

On the ensuing face-off, a Puck Ewe defender seemingly tripped over his own blue line and coughed up the puck to Hand, who waltzed in all alone and fired a wrist shot top shelf where Dave and Katie keep the Bailey's Irish Creme.

"It was a nice shot," Neal Hendricks said. "We're not sure how he does it, but Steve seems to make defenders trip for no apparent reason. It could be, and again, this is not confirmed, but it could be the power of the chin."

The lead was increased to two, three, and four before the period would end thanks to the Labia Line. King scored the third Soviet tally when he fired home a rebound that came out to him after Mark Hendricks drove hard to the net.

"I hope they count that goal as #57 from #57," King said.

Ben Breiterman scored the next goal, which came 15 seconds after King's, when he took a pass from Mark Hendricks and strode down the high slot unmolested. His high snap shot, however, molested the back of the net.

"Throw what you!" Breiterman yelled making the "L" sign for Labia. "Make sure when you write about my goal you use the word molested twice," he added.

Mark Hendricks scored his second of the game later in the period when he took a pass from Beege, spun off a defender, and scored on his own rebound while coming hard down the wing. The goal, which made the score 5-1, sent the fans into delirium.

"The Plex was a-rockin' tonight," Jamie "Jimma Jam" Simek said. "At one point I even saw my girlfriend on the jumbotron leading the 'C-C-C-P' chants, it was crazy." Simek then paused, became serious, and continued, "She was also on the kisscam."

"My girlfriend won free lasik, so I'm happy," Drew Kelley added.

The Puck Ewes tried to chip away at the lead, but Schram was on top of his game and refused to yield. Even on plays where the Soviet netminder seemed beaten, a last ditch effort to stop the puck would work, adding to team in red's confidence while further dismantling the team in white.

"I was seeing the puck tonight," Schram, who finished with 32 saves said. "Some games you just feel it, and I've said it once and I'll say it again, I got the power of God on my side with this Christian stick." Schram then went door to door around the surrounding northern Virginia suburbs to interrupt homeowners during their dinners and ask if they had accepted Jesus as their personal goalie. "He saves everything," is the pitch that the Schram apparently uses.

Mark Hendricks tacked on his third of the game in the dying moments of the middle frame when he was the recipient of a pretty pass from Beege. The defender fired a slap pass which Mark redirected on goal. The initial shot was saved the the winger slammed home the rebound to make the lead 6-2.

"How about that pass? Ohhhhhh yeah!" Beege said after the game.

Hendricks and Breiterman hooked up one more time, this time in the opening minute of the third period, when Breiterman sent a cross rink pass to Hendricks, and Hendricks fired the wrist shot short side on the goalie.

The Puck Ewes would score one later in the period, but the damage was done. Time ticked off the clock and the horn sounded. The Comrades, unlike every other team in the division, had defeated the Puck Ewes.

"Do I even have to say it?" Hoefer, who finished with a game high 9 blocked shots, asked. "I like winning, there. Are you happy? Are you?"

That's it from here, the Soviets have another week off until there next game, but then it's the home stretch. The question is, was tonight a fluke? Or was tonight a sign of what's to come, and perhaps that number one seed is possible?

I'm not the only one thinking about it, that's for sure.

THREE STARS:
3: Ben Breiterman
2: Mark Hendricks
1: Andy Schram