The Finals: Red Army vs The Shockers

Tonight, at 7:00 pm EST, the Red Army will face-off against their arch-rivals, the Shockers, for game one of a best of three series. For the Shockers, it is their first finals appearance in several seasons and a chance to dethrone the two time reigning champions. For the Comrades, it's a chance to put the proverbial exclamation point on a dynasty.

What are the keys to the game? Players to watch? 'Help us out, Barry!' you cry from your cubicle, tapping F5 on your keyboard repeatedly while double and triple checking the clock. Well cool your jets I say to you, because I got you covered...AND... as an added bonus, I've even riddled the keys with puns, sexual innuendo, and jokes that most of your aunts wouldn't understand but would still laugh at politely.

KEYS TO THE GAME
Shockers:

- All three in the stink: If the Shockers are going to have any chance of winning this game and series, they are going to need to stay out of the box. At the rate the Soviet power play is converting, a string of penalties would be catastrophic.

- Don't blow their Loges: He is undoubtedly their best threat to score, and anytime he touches the puck he is dangerous. Still, it doesn't matter if the Shockers have a depleted line up or four lines, he won't be successful if he tries to take it one on four every time. He needs to be patient and wait for his chances.

- Wear protection: It's going to be a physical game, we know that. But this isn't referencing the physical aspect of these two teams' games. This is a warning to whoever dresses in goal for the Shockers tonight and Thursday and maybe Sunday. The Soviets have a lot of guys who can puck the put in the back of the net, and if the Shockers want to have any chance of canceling a parade in Moscow, their best player better be their goalie.

Red Army:
(Because Red Army analysis is always more fun, and I'm still feeling groovy from the best concert to ever grace the DMV region last night, I think we should jam out. So if you want to maximize your R.A.D. experience, click this, and read the rest of the article while rocking out).

- "The hardest thing to do in sports is win when you're supposed to." The Soviets enter this series as the clear cut favorites. It's a different emotion entering this final, perhaps one bordering on cocky. The Soviets can play with swagger, but they should be aware that the higher seeds lose more than they win in the playoffs. Last season the top four seeds went out in the first round. This season the final four seeds were ranked #2, #5, #6, and #9. It's not easy being a high seed, and the Soviets better be prepared.

- Starry Night: The Red Army lineup is stocked full of talent. They have guys that stick handle, guys that shoot, guys that crash the net, guys that block shots, and guys that dominate the corners. Everyone on the Red Army chips in during the playoffs, just look at the Captain's first two games this postseason, but the lifeblood of the team will always be Ben Breiterman and Mark Hendricks. If those two get going early, it opens everything up.

- Defense wins championships: It isn't all goal scoring though, it's about preventing goal scoring. 5-3, 5-4, 5-4, 4-3. Do you know what those are? Those are the scores of all four championship series games that the Red Army has won in the last two seasons. I'll do the math for you: 3.5 GAA. A lot of credit goes to Andy Schram of course, he is the workhorse, but it's a team game, and guys like Scott Hoefer, Beege, and Jamie Simek will also have to be stout defensively if they want to keep those gaudy numbers up. And, as always, the offense has to back check too, but you never know what you're going to get from those four.



There are the keys. I think it's safe to say how the R.A.D. feels about this series. For the Shockers to win, they need a lot to go their way, mostly great goaltending. That doesn't mean it won't happen though (see: Capitals vs Canadiens). The Red Army has to ignore the seeds and press and just remember that it's a hockey game more than anything else. And more than anything else, it's business as usual.

Two more wins to go, let's do the damn thing.