Tuxedo Back on Soviet Soil; Comrades Lock Up 2nd Seed

On Thursday night, the Red Army played its most important season finale game in the storied franchise's history. Playoff positioning, stat records, and the Soviet Tuxedo were all up for grabs in game 14, and the Soviets, taking a page out of the FedEx handbook, delivered.

"I'm so proud of the guys right now," Captain Steve Hand said. "To play that way tonight, a full 45 minute effort really, it just... it's one of those moments where as captain you just have to smile. Obviously something I said fired them up. Perhaps it was about the over sized dinner I ate before playing today, I do recall talking about that. Who knew that telling the guys that I was stuffed would get them to play that way? Looks like it's another five course meal for round one. Ah, the things I do for this team."

As inspirational an effort it was for the Soviets, the game seemed to be going in favor of Prestige Worldwide for much of the game. In the opening minute, a missed opportunity for the Soviets resulted in an odd man break the other way, and Mike Dignazio was able to fire a low wrist shot that beat Andy Schram five hole.

The Soviets responded though, when self proclaimed loser-hater Scott Hoefer out muscled a defenseman in front and jammed home a loose rebound on the doorstep. The goal came on a powerplay.

"Those two minutes that we were trailing...agonizing," Hoefer said. "I hate losing, and every second I spend not winning, is a second of intense self loathing. Unfortunately for opponents, I like to take out my frustration...to, let's just say... make things right. I fix things, really."

The Prestigious Ones tallied to take the lead back following another Soviet failed chance. After Neal Hendricks' shot in front was blocked, the rebound was picked up by the Tuxedos and rushed ahead for a shot that beat Schram top shelf where I don't make analogies for opponents.

Prestige Worldwide had a chance to increase their lead later in the period when Jamie Simek was whistled for tripping. Their powerplay however, only provided Mark Hendricks with more space on the rink to operate. After blocking a seam pass, Mark Hendricks rushed up the rink while Beege collected the puck and hit his older brother in full stride, creating a one on one with the last defender from the red line in. Mark Hendricks used the defender as a screen and fired a snap shot just inside the post past the unsuspecting Sean Hanley, and tied the game up.

"Not going to lie, probably my favorite goal of the year," Mark Hendricks said. "To finally be involved in a goal where it started with me playing defense, I mean we were shorthanded too, it just, it uhhh, just.... no words."

The seesaw affair (which I continue to defend as an excellent band name) continued as Prestige scored a goal in the waning moments of the first. Their only mistake it seemed on the play, was leaving too much time on the clock. Off the ensuing face-off, Ben Breiterman, realizing the game was 14 minutes and 25 seconds old and his name had yet to enter the stat sheet, quickly remedied that problem. The defender got on his horse and carried the puck up the gut from inside his own zone all the way into PW's slot (a place that the Red Army ravaged over and over and over and over). The initial shot was saved but Breiterman followed his rebound and jammed it home just seconds before the period ended.

"I think we were happy where we were after one period, tied at three," Breiterman said. "The first was really wide open and normally in games like that, PW tends to score more goals than we do, so we were happy to be tied because we knew that we could play our system. Plus, that goal was dedicated to the 40 year old woman from Ballroom."

Prestige scored early in the second frame to take the lead. Little did they know it would be their last lead of the game. Mark Hendricks tied the game moments later when he followed up his own shot and jammed a rebound in. On the same shift, Pat King fed Mark Hendricks with an outlet pass and the two time reigning points champion proved why he had that title, firing home a high wrist shot through a screen that gave the Comrades their first lead of the game.

The Soviets didn't waste the opportunity to add to their lead two minutes later when a PW forward slashed Neal Hendricks. The powerplay unit went on, and for lack of a better term, did work. With Simek setting a screen in front, King, Breiterman, and Mark Hendricks worked the perimeter. After a few rebound attempts by Simek went awry, Simek sent Hendricks the puck and Hendricks quickly fired a feed across to Breiterman who had activated from his point. Breiterman did his best rapper impression and ordered a shot of Patron, which as we all know, is located top shelf.

"A lot of the credit on that goal has to go to Jimma Jam," Breiterman said. "He was a samurai down there."

"I really liked playing in front," Simek said. "My ancestors would be proud."

The game entered the third period with the Red Army leading 6-4, and during intermission, Beege changed his skates. With a different pair of skates on, he decided to take over the game.

After a long shift in the offensive zone, Mark Hendricks dropped a pass to Beege in the corner and Beege skated around the PW net. He hit the brakes and reversed his path to circle back out from behind the net. Instead of wrapping a shot though, he gave King, who had found a soft spot in the high slot, a crisp pass, and King fired a low wrist shot five hole to increase the lead to three.

"The play was butter," King said. "It was as sweet as my fictional [female reproductive organ]."

On the following shift, Beege again had the puck behind the net in the offensive zone, and again, capitalized. He sent a centering pass from behind the net intended for his twin brother Neal, but the puck hit a defender's skate and deflected off of it and into the top portion of the net.

"I'm not sure how that went top shelf, but I will take it. Some world cup magic perhaps? Beeeeeeeeege!" Beege said.

"This better not be like your Gordie Howe hat trick, in that we are going to hear about it for weeks," Neal said.

Prestige still had some fight left in them, and scored to make it 8-5, and then while shorthanded, 8-6. But, as everyone in hockey knows, to give up a powerplay goal on the same penalty after scoring shorthanded is a cardinal sin, and just 30 seconds after the Prestigious Ones had made it a two goal game, Breiterman, a Jew, sent them to confession. His slap shot from the point went top shelf where... wait for it.... the Red Army now keeps the Soviet Tuxedo trophy.

With a final score of 9-7, the Soviets clinched the 2nd seed and won back the trophy. A successful night to cap off the regular season, and perhaps, serve as a spring board for entering post season play. For now, only one thing is certain.

"We're right back where we want to be," Schram said. "In the playoffs."

THREE STARS:
#3: Jamie Simek
#2: Beege
#1: Ben Breiterman