The Unbiased Mustache: 1st Installment

Hello all! As this is my first post on this blog, I feel a brief introduction is in order. First though, I must express my most sincere gratitude towards the Red Army Digest Staff for allowing me to contribute to this blog. I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship with the R.A.D. and covering some great hockey (so long as it is played within the confines of the rulebook, LOL!).

Anyways, the introduction: My name is Tom Junior and I am a referee for all of the great inline hockey leagues at Dulles Sportsplex. I have been a referee for a few years now, so long in fact that I even reffed some games back in the olden days when inline hockey was played with a ball (OMG!). As for the writing aspect of this job, I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa, which as anyone will tell you, is a breeding ground for successful writers. I'm sure everyone has heard of Ethel Brooks and Candy Ladson, the co-founders of Iowa's most popular trucking magazine, "Weigh Station Weekly", or picked up an edition of Maggie Grimson's "Harvests and Hoedowns" at the dentist's office. I don't mean to brag, but us Iowans are good at writing (and growing corn of course! :-D) So with that in mind, I hope you get to know me better over the next few weeks and I get to know you better as well. And most of all, I hope you enjoy these weekly columns!

ITEM 1: High-sticking, the new tripping?
Watch out folks, there's a new fad sweeping the league and it's giving several players more reasons to wear a cage. I'm talking about the slew of high sticking penalties that have been called recently. I don't know if something in the water or if it's just because there is more competition this season, but my oh my have there been a lot of high sticking calls. In season's past, the most popular penalty call was tripping by a long shot, and I'd venture to guess that over 50% of penalties called were that of the tripping variety. This season, other calls like roughing, elbowing, slashing, and interference have experienced resurgences as well, but still, they all pale in comparison to the high stick's comeback. Luckily, there has only been one four minuter handed out so far. Keep your sticks down, boys (:P)

ITEM 2: The most confusing rule in the world.
Perhaps another positive that can come out of this blog is a chance for me to explain some of the rules that players find confusing. There is one rule that stands head and shoulders above the rest in the confusion department, and that is how come a player is allowed to get away with an apparent trip just because he touched the puck first? If a defending player lunges for the puck, misses it, and trips the forward, it is a penalty, BUT, if the defender is making a play for the puck and MAKES CONTACT with the puck FIRST, AND THEN the forward goes down, there is not a penalty. In the latter case, the puck was played cleanly, and the trip that happened after would be considered incidental. Often times, this play happens in the blink of an eye, and every member of the team that saw their teammate getting tripped is up in arms. If I had stocked footage of inline hockey to give examples, I would, but I don't. I do have NHL footage though, and the two different leagues share many of the same rules including this one, which you can see here.

ITEM 3: A meditation on the importance of team chemistry
I'm a sucker for group dynamics. I find the subject interesting, and skating back and forth past the benches gives me an inside look at every team. There are a few teams I want to point out as having incredibly thick skin (no, not because they exfoliate!) and a few teams that unravel at the first sign of distress. First, the even keeled ones. Cryptic Stench, the Shockers, and Prestige Worldwide all have displayed a great amount of levelheaded-ness in times of peril. The Stench perhaps more so than anyone, simply because they never seem to be phased by anything good or bad. The Shockers and Prestige Worldwide have both been involved in a few games that have turned ugly, but the talk on the bench revolves around cracking the other team's system, not about cracking the refs skulls. The same can not be said about Daggermouth 2.0 and the Black Presidents. Daggermouth 2.0 quickly implodes on themselves and play the blame game more than anyone else. The Black Presidents on the other hand take every penalty personally. Each time they take a penalty, or give up a goal for that matter, they blame the referees. Yes, sometimes we do miss calls, or make the wrong calls, but there is no video replay in this league, so whatever the call was, it's going to stay that way. That is never enough for the Black Presidents however, and they end up fighting a two front war the whole game against their opponents and the referees, and, as any student of history will tell you, two front wars tend to end poorly (see Germany, World War I & World War II).


Now, in the future, I plan on doing five items a post, but with time constraints and a referee convention in Wichita tomorrow, I have to cut this one short. I hope you enjoyed this inaugural post, and as I will end every post with, here are some quick hits:

Dumbest Penalty of the Week: Chris Celenski, while playing goalie, threw his stick at a player after being nudged in the corner.

Best Trashtalk of the Week: A member of the Stench, after blocking two consecutive shots and deflecting an attempted pass by the same member of Daggermouth 2.0, resets his position on defense and waits for the Daggermouth 2.0 player to make another play. Stench player says, "Your move again, Douchebag."

Worst Goal of the Week: A member of the Shockers tried to bat the puck away from the goal, but inadvertently volleyball slammed the puck into his own net.

Best Game of the Week: Prestige Worldwide's 4-3 overtime victory over the Shockers.

Worst Game of the Week: Cryptic Stench's 12-1 victory over Daggermouth 2.0.


And remember, if you have a better name than the "Unbiased Mustache", let us know in the comments section.