Tuesday Power Rankings: Week 5

Unfortunately, for the first half of this season, our state-of-the-art computer system that generates incredibly accurate power rankings was down. But now, thanks to a team of rocket scientists who logged several hundreds of hours this past weekend (yes, this weekend was longer than usual) the system is up and running again. So, we pick up this season's power rankings in week 5, with the upstart Team Hock(aloog)ey sitting atop the list.

1. Team Hock(aloog)ey (5-0-1): Who are these guys? Not much is known about this group other than the fact that they are 5-0-1 and apparently do not like getting scored on (21 goals against). Their lone blemish on the season (a tie to Charleston Chew) came in just their second game, and since then, they are riding a division best four game winning streak which includes impressive wins over Prestige Worldwide, the Puck Ewes, and the Shockers.
2. Black Presidents (4-2-0): Yes, there are teams that sit above them in the standings, but while those teams got fat on wins over Stuffed Chrus and Daggermouth 3.0, the Black Presidents earned wins over the Red Army, Prestige Worldwide, and the Shockers. Oh, and they also beat Stuffed Chrus too, but that was only because everyone else was doing it.
3. Puck Ewes (5-1-0): Their only loss thus far this season came against Team Hock(aloog)ey. Other than that, they've looked pretty dominant against the bottom three teams and Cryptic Stench. Not bad for San Jose the Puck Ewes.
4. Strangers (4-2-0): The Strangers may have had the hardest schedule so far this season. With games against Team Hock(aloog)ey, the Black Presidents, the Red Army, and Cryptic Stench, they are certainly battle tested. The question for them is will they be able to sneak into the top four or will they miss out on the highly coveted first round bye?
5. Red Army (4-1-1): If the Soviets were able to hold on to leads late in games, they would be a perfect 6-0. Unfortunately for them, they do not possess that talent. Both losses on the Russian ledger this season came after late collapses. The positive? They are tied with Team Hock(aloog)ey for best goals against. Are we the only ones that can't wait for that match-up? December 30, in case you were wondering.
6. Cryptic Stench (4-2-1): A respectable record, lots of close games, and a penchant for physical play. Yes, this is the Cryptic Stench. Always tough to play against; always missing that one game changing player.
7. Shockers (3-3-0): Ignore the forfeit loss to the Puck Ewes and the blowout losses to Team Hock(aloog)ey and the Black Presidents and the Shockers are a perfect 3-0. Oh wait, you can't do that? Well, they're still the defending champs, so you have to respect them. But with all of the roster turnover that happened across the league this season, the title "defending champs" doesn't pack as much punch.
8. Prestige Worldwide (2-3-1): Like the Shockers, they too are reeling from losing most of their team to Gold Division. The core group of players remains (sans Mike D'Ignazio) and they've added a few new guys, but you just get that feeling that PW's season was last season. And they blew it.
9. Daggermouth 3.0 (2-4-0): They play teams close, but they lose more than they win. If their skilled players show up they can do damage, but as Yogi Berra said, "90% of success is showing up".
10. Charleston Chew (1-5-1): This team is a bit of an enigma. They tie Team Hock(aloog)ey, lose tight games to the Stench and PW, but then get thrashed by the Soviets. They still have seven games to turn some heads, so we won't write them off yet.
11. Ron Mexico (1-5-0): Their lone victory on the season was by forfeit, and it was over Stuffed Chrus. No comedic hyperbole needed.
12. Stuffed Chrus (0-6-0): Terrible. Just terrible.