6-3

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it out to the Plex tonight to watch the Red Army take on the Strangers. I was, however, able to receive a recap of the game via text messages sent from the Soviet players themselves. So, in what was a thrilling 4-3 overtime victory for Mother Russia, here are the even more thrilling bullet points, courtesy of the players who authored it:

• Here is your headline: Pat Mother Fucking King Winning (Pat King)
  
• 4-3 in OT (Jason White)
• Us (Jason White)
• I scored a pinch up one timer from Mike. Ryan scored with 30 seconds left to tie it. Pat worked a wrister in overtime to win it (Tony Horton)
• We played phenomenally defensively (Steve Hand)
• Offense and defense included (Steve Hand)
• Ummm I had about 6 bajillion shots on goal, but no goals. Of the 6 bajillion, most would say 2 bamillion had a shot of going in. (Pete Collis)
• And I played defense again (Pete Collis, bitter)
• 4-3 OT (Mike D'Ignazio)
• You get no bullets (Mike D'Ignazio)

Editor's note: Odell confessed that the goal scored with 30 seconds remaining actually deflected off of King's skate.

GOALS:
1: Horton (D'Ignazio)
2: Odell (unassisted)
3: King (Odell)
4: King (Odell)

PENALTIES:
D'Ignazio (slashing) two minutes

I'll give players until the end of Friday's work day (for me, 8 pm) to fill me in if I missed any assists, worthy notes to mention, or penalties.

THREE STARS:
3: Tony Horton
2: Pat King
1: Ryan Odell

Stats Through 8 Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
Hendricks, Mark	8	18	11	29	2
D'Ignazio, Mike	8	13	8	21	4
Odell, Ryan	7	3	11	14	6
Collis, Pete	5	1	7	8	0
Hand, Steve	6	2	4	6	2
King, Pat	3	1	4	5	0
Merold, Dan	4	1	4	5	2
White, Jason	3	1	3	4	6
Horton, Tony	4	1	2	3	0
Hendricks, Brian	1	1	2	3	0
Breiterman, Ben	2	3	0	3	4
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	6	3	3	33	5.5

Busy Day at Work

I can't generate an article today, but I can send you guys down memory lane. So, grab some kleenex and blast the jock jams, because like masturbation, you will need both after this read.

Stats Through Seven Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
Hendricks, Mark	7	18	9	27	2
D'Ignazio, Mike	7	11	7	18	4
Odell, Ryan	6	3	11	14	6
Collis, Pete	4	0	7	7	0
Hand, Steve	5	2	4	6	2
King, Pat	3	1	4	5	0
Merold, Dan	4	1	4	5	2
White, Jason	2	1	3	4	4
Horton, Tony	4	1	2	3	0
Hendricks, Brian	1	1	2	3	0
Breiterman, Ben	1	1	0	1	4
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	5	3	2	24	4.8

5-2

For two periods, it looked like the Red Army was going to be blown out. That with only five skaters and a goalie, they would throw in the towel, accept the beating, and skate out the remainder of the game with an energy level comparable to Pepco after a light snow storm. But then the third period started, and the legs were back, the compete level high, and the comeback on. The four goal deficit became three. Then four again. Then three again. Then two. Then one.

Then the game ended.

One could argue that if the game was a few minutes longer, it's likely that the comeback would have been completed. That even with the Lame Ducks fielding a full roster, and the Soviets running on less than fumes, the Soviets were controlling the play in the final frame, and eventually would have taken control of the score as well. Yes, the argument has merit. But the simple rebuttal is this: why wait so long to start the comeback?

Ten more notes on a game that was as concerning as it was encouraging:

• Let's start with the biggest negative: team attendance. A major problem for the Comrades this season has been showing up. Only two of the team's 11 players have made all seven games. So far, the Soviets have lost 28 man games. It's obviously impossible to get mad about it, because people's schedules are busy, we just wish they wouldn't get busy at the same times. Here's hoping the second half of the season sees a big drop in the popularity of Comrades! Or at least no more company trips to China.
• It's tough to win a game with only five skaters. You would think getting a power play would be a great opportunity to score a goal. Well, the Comrades had three power plays on Sunday. They had zero power play goals and allowed two shorthanded goals. That is just terrible.
• Let's get one more bad bullet in before getting to the positives, so this bullet will be about the officiating. Yeah, I'm throwing the refs under the bus on this one. From putting faceoffs at the wrongs spots on the rink to missing blatant slashes and trips, I think the refs botched this one a bit. Not that it was the difference, but the Lame Ducks had a pretttttty long leash.
• Jamie Simek played another strong game in net. It's unfortunate he ended up getting the loss in this one, considering he was the only one playing well for the first thirty minutes.
• Dan Merold had his first two point game of the season, notching two assists. It's still unclear what position he will play when the Soviets have a full roster, but we're pretty sure whichever position it is, he'll play it well. He's been playing solid hockey for a few games now.
• Mike D'Ignazio avenged his first period ill-advised slashing penalty by scoring a goal and dishing out three helpers. Him and Mark Hendricks may be clicking at over 90% on 2 on 1's.
• And Hendricks was up to his old tricks, factoring in on each Soviet goal. His one time rocket to make the score 6-5 with 18.5 seconds left was a thing of beauty. The chance he got to tie the game off of the ensuing faceoff was also nice, except for the part where it rang iron. So close to being oh so sweet.
• Steve Hand could have had a few helpers tonight, but when he set people up, they didn't finish. That isn't to say the Captain didn't play well though. He was creating chances and up to his old crease crashing antics. For someone who spent the night in a cottage, he seemed to have his legs too.
• Pete Collis loves seesaws tore a ligament in his knee during the game. It's uncertain if it will cause him to miss any time, but it will definitely affect his ability to text Cyrillic messages to Hendricks that resemble emoticons.
• For now, the Red Army must share the top spot in the division with the Lame Ducks. But hey, half way through season with a 5-2 record ain't bad. It ain't bad at all.
  

Stats:

Goals:
FIRST PERIOD
None
SECOND PERIOD
1. Hendricks (D'Ignazio, Merold)
THIRD PERIOD
2. Hendricks (unassisted)
3. D'Ignazio (Hendricks, Collis)
4. Hendricks (D'Ignazio)
5. Hendricks (Merold, D'Ignazio)

Penalties:
D'Ignazio (slashing) two minutes

THREE STARS:
3: Mike D'Ignazio
2: Mark Hendricks
1: Jamie Simek

Line 1 vs. Line 2

Last night was the third installment of the growing rivalry between the top four forwards. Going into the game, Line 2 had a slight edge in points. After the game, Line 1 had claimed themselves a healthy lead.

Here are the latest stats:

Line 1: 12 points (6 goals, 6 assists)
Line 2: 9 points (5 goals, 4 assists)

D'Ig that!

Quote of the Day

"Holy [expletive], the bruising is all green under my eye...happy St. Patty's Day!"

-Ben Breiterman

Stats Through 6 Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
Hendricks, Mark	6	14	8	22	2
D'Ignazio, Mike	6	10	4	14	2
Odell, Ryan	6	3	11	14	6
Hand, Steve	4	2	4	6	2
Collis, Pete	3	0	6	6	0
King, Pat	3	1	4	5	0
White, Jason	2	1	3	4	4
Horton, Tony	4	1	2	3	0
Hendricks, Brian	1	1	2	3	0
Merold, Dan	3	1	2	3	2
Breiterman, Ben	1	1	0	1	4
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	4	3	1	18	4.5

5-1

The Red Army skated their way to a 6-3 win tonight over arch rivals Prestige Worldwide. The win extended their winning streak to five games, retook the lead in the division, and gave them the rights to claim that they have defeated every team in the division. And while those things are nice, what people really want to talk about is the manner in which the Soviets won tonight.

There was bloodshed. There were bruises. There were 12 stitches. There were slashes, trips, punches, and ejections. Basically, the makers of the schedule knew what they were getting when the penciled in a Red Army/Prestige Worldwide game at 10 pm on St. Patrick's day.

An instant classic.

Ten more notes on the game (so far) of the season:

• First off, shout-out/stick-tap/hat-tip to Ben Breiterman. Playing in his first game of the season, Benny B got high sticked midway through the middle frame. With blood seeping out of two gashes, and every medical opinion east of the Mississippi telling him to go get medical treatment (which he did... in the form of band aids, only to abandon them twenty seconds after applying them), he stayed in the game, was a force on the blueline, and chipped in with a goal in the 3rd. Glad to have you back Benny B, glad to have you back.
• Much of the talk surrounding this game revolved around Mike D'Ignazio. His transfer from #3 in a tuxedo to #11 in red is well documented. So how did he fare? Fairly well. He scored the game opening goal and would have drawn two penalties in any other game. He also stayed out of the box, and in doing so, caused this reporter to lose a pool. The bottom line is, he was on the winning end of a bitter feud, and anybody with an English degree will try to fit the word catharsis into this sentence.
  
• I could write a paragraph about the game Mark Hendricks played tonight, but I'll just give you the stats. Three goals, one assist, a +4 rating, two minutes of penalties , six minutes of penalties drawn, a hit, and a blocked shot. I think he wanted to win.
  
• A player whose performance should not get overlooked tonight is Jamie Simek. The three goals that beat him were rockets. Everything else, and there was plenty, was stopped. He is beginning to look more and more comfortable in that net. Perhaps three beers before a game should become a habit.
• Special teams: 2/4 on the power play, 2/3 on the penalty kill. Though they also gave up a shorthanded goal.
• The breakout was working tonight, as forwards were coming back into the defensive zone to skate the puck out. A lot of the credit goes to the defense on directing traffic and being patient. Breiterman, Pete Collis, Dan Merold, and Ryan Odell were all on their games tonight, and as a result, the Soviets were able to dictate the pace of the game.
  
• Steve Hand and Pat King both realized what kind of game it was and they adapted. Both players' blue collars were visible peeking out from their red sweaters. They may not have put up stats, but you have to believe the cycle game was wearing down the opposition. Or don't believe it. Just know it was 2-2 going into the 3rd period.
• Yes, it was 2-2 going into the 3rd period. The second period saw two ejections, an injury, and a lot of penalties, and yet, with 15 minutes remaining, there were still two points up for grabs. In the haze of cheap shots and after-the-whistle jawing that had seemingly settled down over the rink, it's good to know the Comrades were able to buckle down and get to business. Most teams can't.
• This is back to back games now where the Red Army has found an extra gear in the 3rd period. Last game, with the score tied 3-3, the Soviets stormed out for three quick strikes in the final frame. Tonight, with the score tied 2-2, the Soviets struck early in the 3rd on the power play, then a few minutes later on a breakaway. There's a name for that: killer instinct.
• April 3. Take one guess what happens on that date. Yeah, you got it.
  

Stats:

Goals:
FIRST PERIOD
1. D'Ignazio (unassisted)
2. PPG Hendricks (Collis, Odell)
SECOND PERIOD
None
THIRD PERIOD
3. PPG Odell (Hendricks)
4. Hendricks (unassisted)
5. Breiterman (Merold)
6. Hendricks (King, Collis)

Penalties:
Breiterman (cross checking) two minutes
Breiterman (hooking) two minutes
Hendricks (roughing) two minutes
Merold (roughing) two minutes

THREE STARS:
3: Mike D'Ignazio
2: Jamie Simek
1: Mark Hendricks

PURPLE HEART:
Ben Breiterman

Red Army vs. Prestige Worldwide aka The D'Ignazio Bowl aka The Battle of the Soviet Tuxedo

The long anticipated showdown between the two biggest rivals in DSPAMRHL is here, and it comes on the holiest of holy days in the year: St. Patrick's Day. So grab some Guinness, throw back a few Irish car bombs, and blast the Flogging Molly, because it's going to be a battle.

Song of the day.

R.A.D. Prediction: 7-6 Red Army

The Weekly Schedule

Here at the Red Army Digest, we are still trying to catch up to 2010's number. Currently, we are 96 posts behind. Luckily for us, 2010 can't put any more points on the board (at least not without one of these), so as long as we crank out a few (articles) a week, we should be good.

Which brings me to the point of this article: a schedule. Being regimented and following a schedule is important if you want to be a writer and/or someone who is regimented and follows a schedule. Here is what our weekly schedule at R.A.D. will look like for the coming weeks.

Monday: Sunday game recap/updated stats (if there is a game)
Tuesday: Feature story (more on that in a bit)
Wednesday: The Unbiased Mustache Column
Thursday: Power Rankings
Friday: Thursday game recap/updated stats (if there is a game)
Saturday & Sunday: Only updated for breaking news

In regards to the "feature story" segment, this is an area we are seeking ideas from the readers. If there's a specific aspect of the team or specific player you want highlighted in a feature article, let us know in the comments section. It could be anything from the Red Army power play to Pat King's rules for an orgy.

If you comment it, we'll write it. Or something like that.

Keep on rockin' Comrades, sole possession of first!

-Care Barr

Stats Through Five Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
Hendricks, Mark	5	11	7	18	0
D'Ignazio, Mike	5	9	4	13	2
Odell, Ryan	5	2	10	12	6
Hand, Steve	3	2	4	6	2
King, Pat	2	1	3	4	0
Collis, Pete	2	0	4	4	0
White, Jason	2	1	3	4	4
Horton, Tony	4	1	2	3	0
Hendricks, Brian	1	1	2	3	0
Merold, Dan	2	1	1	2	0
Breiterman, Ben	0	0	0	0	0
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	3	2	1	15	5

4-1

At 11:00 am this morning, the Comrades had three confirmed skaters, no goalie, a debt to the Plex, and the distinct scent of booze and cigarette smoke in their clothes. By 1:00 pm, the Comrades had five skaters, a goalie, and a better credit score. The beer smell still lingered. Yes, with only five skaters, the Comrades were able to pull off a very impressive 8-5 victory and avenge their season opening loss to Trailside.

Ten more notes on the inspired effort:

• It's difficult to win when you only have five skaters, that is a fact. But, when the five skaters are Mike D'Ignazio, Brian and Mark Hendricks, Dan Merold, and Ryan Odell, well, you've got a fighting chance. No shortage of skill in that lineup.
• Matt Kraus emerged from his cave backstopped the effort, making several key stops en route to his first win while donned in Soviet Red in months. After surrendering an early goal on the first shot he faced, Kraus settled down and became an impact player. The Soviets also did a good job of limiting opportunities and keeping shots to the perimeter. As Ray Lewis says, "We must protect this Kraus!".
• They don't keep track of shots at the Plex, but here at the R.A.D., we love guessing. So that's what we'll do. The Comrades had 48 shots on goal today.
• Celenski was up to his old self, robbing Comrades blind on golden opportunities. At least for first two periods. In the third, the aggregate effect of so many shots being fired winded the goalie, and in turn, led to his demise. Stick tap to the Comrades for not waivering from their game plan.
• It would be tough to find a game in Red Army history that featured better passing than this one. There was a lot of chemistry on the rink today, and at times, it was arousing.
• Brian "Beege" Hendricks had a nice return to the lineup. He missed a few opportunities early, but scored the Soviet's third goal of the game to tie it late in the middle stanza. His defensive play in the third to disrupt a play in the corner and then spring an odd man rush with his older brother was nothing short of sensational.
• And the finish? A one timer top shelf? Yes, I'll order that every time please. It was clear that #18 brought his shooting stick today.
• D'Ignazio also buried a pretty one, firing the puck top shelf where Uncle Sam keeps the ammo. Afterward he claimed the goal was "prestigious". Then he flicked off the entire press contingency but kept his thumb securely tucked into his hand... like a faggot gentleman.
• Dan Merold played a solid game in his own right, scoring a goal early in the 3rd to put the Comrades ahead 4-3. He was stickhandling by defenders and setting people up, which is what we've been seeing more and more of from Danny Boy.
• Ryan Odell didn't tally a goal today, but was a defensive force as usual. His breakouts were calm, his outlet passes crisp, and his beard rugged. Yes, he's a man's man.

Stats:

Goals:
FIRST PERIOD
1: Hendricks (D'Ignazio, Odell)
SECOND PERIOD
2: Hendricks (Merold, Odell)
3: Beege (Hendricks)
THIRD PERIOD
4: Merold (unassisted)
5: D'Ignazio (Hendricks, Odell)
6: Hendricks (Beege, Odell)
7: Hendricks (D'Ignazio)
8: Hendricks (Beege)

Penalties:
None

THREE STARS:
3: Beege
2: Mike D'Ignazio
1: Mark Hendricks

Power Rankings: Week 2

It's been another week and another two games for the six teams that reside in Silver South. Some teams really excelled the past seven days. Some defecated on their sleeping arrangements. Others, well, they just did alright. With each team having played four games so far this season, it's time for another round of power rankings. So I say we put some oil in the old Power Rankings Machine 3000 and see what that baby can do!

Editors Note: Apparently, pouring oil into a computer, or any technological machine for that matter, is not proper practice. Our IT guy Lars just told me to the reason we've been having so many problems with the Power Rankings Machine 3000 (or PRM3000) is because it short circuits every time I pour oil on it. So, for the record, don't oil your computer. Even if you use olive oil, which I figured would, if nothing else, make the room smell nice while the machine worked, you'll still get yelled at.

1. Prestige Worldwide: Suffered a set back versus the Lame Ducks, but rebounded with a solid win over the Strangers. At 3-1 they're atop the division with the Red Army, but PW gets the edge because they lead in both the goals for (26) and goals against (17) categories.
2. Red Army: After enduring a season opening loss at the hands of Trailside, the Soviets have rallied off three straight wins. Last Sunday's win over Cryptic Stench was the best game so far in the Comrade's season. If they can win both games this week, they'll be the first team in the division to get a win versus every team. They'll also have sole possession of the one seed.
3. Lame Ducks: With back-to-back wins, the Lame Ducks are now at .500. Their win over Prestige Worldwide shows that they are for real. It's early, but expect them to challenge for one of the coveted top two spots.
4. Strangers: The Strangers have played in four very close games. They have won two and lost two. Until they get over the hump and start to consistently win the close games, there's really nothing more to say.
5. Trailside: At 1-3, they're performing admirably in their inaugural season. They have lots of high end talent, but, and teams are quickly discovering this, they also have a significant drop-off in talent after their top few players. They're competitive though, it's just a matter of how long their longing curve is to decipher if they are a contender or a stepping stone to round two.
6. Cryptic Stench: After scoring at least six goals in their first three games of the season, the Stench have only scored one goal in their last two outings. Put simply, that stinks.

As always, feel free to comment below about your level of love or hatred about these rankings. Sorry to my loyal readers who were expecting a literary reference, you'll have to wait until post, in which I promise to cite Stoker. Until then, keep on rocking.

Also, please don't oil your computers.

The Unbiased Mustache in: "Five Minutes for Murder!"

Hey all! It's everyone's favorite ref, Tom Jr., and I'm back to inform y'all on all of the ins and outs of DSPAMRHL. Some of you, cough cough Michael Michael Motorcycle D'Ignazio cough cough, have complained that my presence around these parts have been lacking. Well, I am going to try and remedy that by posting a weekly article. If you don't think that's enough and you want more dedication, well, go get a drink with my ex-wife because you two have a lot in common!

Item! Crease violations are in and holding the stick is out! Anybody who is anybody in the hockey community thought that nothing could top last season's emergence of the high sticking penalty. Well, it's early, but the crease violation is making a strong case to be this season's comeback call of the year. More than ever, players are cramming into the crease like a group of Mormon teens into a community center lock-in. At the end of the night, the result is the same: nobody scores! Be wary of where you are standing when that shot comes, because there's nothing more emphatic in the referee's arsenal than a wash-out no goal signal. Mmmm, makes me feel like a cat in heat just thinking about it.

Item! Some players are grade A jerks! I could list them here, but that would be a low blow on my part (I could take one of those right now, cute intern at the desk in front of me!). So instead, I'll subtly state the teams that host the most in anagram form:

- Rnegedas
- Wrestige Porldwide
- Black Presidents

Item! Some people wanted to understand the controversial call of last Sunday's overtime game winner in the Stuffed Chrus/Renegades game. Stuffed Chrus won the game a few minutes into overtime when a puck was shot, deflected off of a Stuffed Chrus player's skate, and into the net. The call was made even more controversial because the player whose skate deflected it, was not only in the crease, but was also on top of the goalie. The reason the score counted was because he was pushed into the goal from behind by a defender and there was no distinct kicking motion.

Of course, the call could have gone either way, and yes, sometimes refs do get calls wrong. But there is always variance. If I had the video footage to show Patrick Kaleta's goal vs the Flyers on 3/5/11 I would, because it is a very similar to play to Vincent Lecalvier's no goal vs the Capitals two nights ago. Alas, I don't. But one was a goal and one was not. Sure, no one likes to be on the losing end of a controversial call, but 50% of the time it's going to happen.

So stop complaining, team who shall go unnamed cough cough Renegades cough cough.

I must have a cold!

Item! Silver South and Silver North would be better labeled Silver and Gold.

Item! The Bronze Division has a few teams that could play in the Silver South Division, and a few teams that could play in Aluminum Foil Division. Parity is non existent. The Silver North Division is similar, with each team boasting lots of talent, but a few teams boasting lots of really really good talent. Expect the Renegades and Stuffed Chrus to meet in the championship. The best division, parity wise, is the Silver South Division. Six teams all similar in skill level. It's too early to pick a favorite, but wouldn't a Prestige Worldwide and Red Army best of three series (eh eh?!?) be fantastic? The ratings would be bigger than Charlie Sheen's BAC after... hmmm, no, I guess they wouldn't be that big. (@CharlieSheen sorry pal, love you! #tigerblood).

Well friends, that's all I have for now. Make sure to keep your hands on your stick and lock your door so your mom doesn't walk in!

TJ out!

Stats Through Four Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
Hendricks, Mark	4	6	6	12	0
D'Ignazio, Mike	4	8	2	10	2
Odell, Ryan	4	2	6	8	6
Hand, Steve	3	2	4	6	2
King, Pat	2	1	3	4	0
Collis, Pete	2	0	4	4	0
White, Jason	2	1	3	4	4
Horton, Tony	4	1	2	3	0
Merold, Dan	1	0	0	0	0
Breiterman, Ben	0	0	0	0	0
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	3	2	1	15	5

3-1

Now that we're a little more than a fourth of the way through the season (2/7 of the way to be exact), the identity of this season's Red Army seems to reveal a new character trait with each passing period. The three periods tonight showed that this team can cycle the puck, block shots, and play a totally dominating hockey game when everyone is committed. With a convincing 5-1 victory tonight of the Cryptic Stench, the Soviets improved to 3-1 on the season, extended their winning streak to three games, and are tied with Prestige Worldwide atop the Silver South standings.

Ten more notes on the proverbial febreezing of the Stench:

• No doubt, Jamie Simek wanted to show his teammates that he could play better in net. Tonight, he did just that. The Samurai wielding netminder was beaten only once and stopped everything he saw, doing a decent job of controlling rebounds along the way.
• Not allowing goals is a team effort though, and does not fall solely on the shoulders of one individual. The Red Army as a unit did a fantastic job of disrupting passes and blocking shots. Ryan Odell led the team in blocked shots (I think that's 384 games in a row) while Mike D'Ignazio led the team in guilting other forwards to back check.
• The addition of D'Ignazio is well documented. The addition of Jason White is not. In White's first game, he registered two assists while playing forward. Tonight he moved back to his regular position at defense but didn't slow down the offensive production, scoring his first goal of the season on a rising slap shot and dishing out an assist as well. Man, that Mark Hendricks guy sure knows how to be a General Manger, doesn't he?
  
• Tony Horton also scored his first goal of the season tonight on an absolute rocket or a wrist shot. It is, to date, the snipe of the season.
• Getting offensive production from your defense is important. Tonight, every defenseman who dressed scored a goal. Before tonight, only one defender had scored. Now, at least the defense has contributed for a somewhat respectable 23% (5 of 22) of the Red Army's goals. Of course, having Ben Breiterman in the line up is sure to make that percentage rise a bit too.
• D'Ignazio was relatively quiet tonight, but he did score once (the eventual game-winner). Even when he isn't making things happen offensively though, he finds ways to reproduce in other areas of the rink, like drawing penalties or breaking up passes. D'Igger please....keep it up.
• D'Ignazio's linemate Steve Hand continued his streak of registering at least a point in each game so far this season. The Captain, from his knees, found Hendricks for a breakaway outlet pass in the second period.
• And the breakaway? A gorgeous backhander to the roof, right where Momma hides the Nabisco products. Hendricks is now 1 for 28 on breakaways this season, which puts him on pace to set a career high for converting (3.57%). Also, apparently he can take faceoffs, as #18 was a perfect 6 for 6 on the dot tonight. It's a good thing David Steckel doesn't play for the Red Army or he'd be traded again.
  
• So, five goals tonight from five different goal scorers.
• HOGSTACHE SEES ITS SHADOW (Pete Collis, AP)

Stats:

Goals:
FIRST PERIOD
1: Horton (Hendricks)
SECOND PERIOD
2: D'Ignazio (White)
3: White (Hendricks, Collis)
4: Hendricks (Hand)
THIRD PERIOD
5: Odell (unassisted)

Penalties:
None

THREE STARS:
3: Jason White
2: Mark Hendricks
1: Jamie Simek

Stats Through Three Games

	Games Played	Goals	Assists	Points	Pims
D'Ignazio, Mike	3	7	2	9	2
Hendricks, Mark	3	5	4	9	0
Odell, Ryan	3	1	6	7	6
Hand, Steve	2	2	3	5	2
King, Pat	2	1	3	4	0
Collis, Pete	1	0	3	3	0
Horton, Tony	3	0	2	2	0
White, Jason	1	0	2	2	4
Merold, Dan	1	0	0	0	0
Breiterman, Ben	0	0	0	0	0
	Games Played	Wins	Losses	GA	GAA
Simek, Jamie	2	1	1	14	7

2-1

Last night, the Soviets finally buckled down and played a solid 45 minutes of hockey, skating to a 4-3 victory over the Strangers. It was the grind-it-out, blue-collar type of effort that coaches often preach about, but rarely see. It may be early in the season, and it may have only been one game, but at the very least, the Red Army showed they are capable of playing that way.

Ten more notes on the D'Ignazio Show game.

• In his first game with the Red Army, he netted a pair of goals. In his second game, he tallied four points. In his third game, Mike D'Ignazio scored a hat trick. Soviet fans everywhere are very much D'Igging it.
  
• If D'Ignazio was the star on offense, Ryan Odell was the star on defense. He didn't shy away from the physical play, as evidenced by his two roughing penalties, but he also was a crease clearing machine, helping fill-in goaltender Ron Whaley see the puck when shots were coming. If Odell didn't play this type of game, the headline of this article would be reversed.
• Speaking of Whaley, he played fantastic. Yes, at times, he can be frazzled and lose his cool, but when he is on... he is on. And he was on tonight. None of the three goals he surrendered were his fault, and he made several key saves to preserve the lead late.
• Jason White had an excellent debut for Mother Russia after a nine month hiatus from the game. He chipped in with a pair of helpers, and also drew two penalties on the same play, resulting in an ejection for an opposing players. Glad to have you aboard, Mr. White.
• Tony Horton continues to do what he's been doing lately: playing solid defense. While some may miss the offensive flare the defenseman has been known to possess at times, this season he has adapted a more defensive approach so far, and it's paying dividends.
• Horton also gets a bullet for being assistant General Manager for the evening, as he brought in Whaley and Jim (insert last name here). Well done, AGMTH.
• Jim played well. He had a power play goal, drew a penalty, and wanted to kill a guy in the final two minutes. That is sooooo Jim.
• Mark Hendricks did not have one of his better evenings. He was a -3, only registered one assist (which came on the power play), and had an egregious turnover in the 3rd that let the Strangers tie the game late. If there was one positive to his game tonight it was his display of stick-handling skills. But we'll trade those any day of the week for finishing skills.
• How about the penalty kill? Two for two with a shorthanded goal. And the power play? One for two. Not bad, not bad at all.
• There was some talk after the game about potential roster moves, but I have faith that GMMH knows what he is doing. After all, they don't call him this for nothing. In fact, they don't call him that at all.
  

Stats:

Goals:
FIRST PERIOD
1: SHG D'Ignazio (unassisted)
SECOND PERIOD
2: D'Ignazio (White, Horton)
3: PPG Jim (Hendricks, Odell)
THIRD PERIOD
4: D'Ignazio (White, Odell)

Penalties:
Odell (roughing) two minutes
Odell (roughing) two minutes
White (roughing) two minutes
White (tripping) two minutes

THREE STARS:
3: Ryan Odell
2: Ron Whaley
1: Mike D'Ignazio

Power Rankings: Week 1

With each team having played two games in Silver South this season, it is time to do every one's favorite thing: power rankings. Is two games a big enough sample to truly form an opinion on a team? No, but as I mentioned earlier, I'm trying to eclipse last year's 115 posts, and I'm no where near. So read the power rankings, then comment about how you didn't get some not-so-obscure literary reference you easily would have enjoyed had you just paid attention in class.

(Bonus points if you can pick up on the "fairly" easy reference without clicking on the link. My money is on Andy)

So, to the Power Rankings Machine 3000!

1. Prestige Worldwide: They're always a feisty team, and so far this season they're also undefeated. Did I mention they are averaging 9 goals a game. Yeah, they have the top spot and it's not even close.
2. Strangers: The only other remaining undefeated team in the division. The stat that makes them scary? They are averaging a division best 4 goals against per game. Ahhh, I love it early in the season when averages are full integers.
3. Cryptic Stench: What? How? They are 0-2! True. But they lost both of their games to the previous two teams, and by a combined three goals. Don't expect them to dwell in the cellar much longer.
4. Trailside: I'm not sold on this team being able to continue .500 hockey, but for the time being, they "earned" the four seed.
5. Red Army: What was supposed to be a walk in the park for the Comrades this season has been any but. They could easily be 0-2, but thanks to some late game heroics against the Lame Ducks, they remain relevant. For now, the hockey community waits with bated breath to see if we're seeing a Soviet collapse or merely the calm before the storm.
6. Lame Ducks: Valiant efforts against the Red Army and Strangers, but ended up coming up short in both contests. Still, maybe we'll see a mid season renaissance that Hans Christian Andersen himself couldn't have drafted. But that's mostly because he is now dead.

So that is what the high tech Power Rankings Machine 3000 came up with. Don't agree? Sorry, you're not as high tech and you are also fallible, so you are wrong.

Red Army vs. Strangers tonight at 11.

Line 1 vs Line 2

Ernest Hemingway was a wise man when he said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk." Some say that by living by this adage, Hemingway truly lived his life to the fullest. Others claim this mantra merely attributed to his penchant for fucking fat chicks (yes Ernest, the hills truly do look like white elephants).

Regardless of one's take on Hemingway's rationale behind said statement, it is a statement worth pondering, and sometimes, worth exercising. Such a case has arrived this season. The night Mike "Mike D'Ignazio" D'Ignazio's contract with the Red Army was leaked, a drunken wager was made between four Comrades, or rather, two lines. Pat King and Mark Hendricks (AKA Line 1) said that no amount of chemistry on a second line could outproduce them. Steve Hand and D'Ignazio meanwhile, well, they mostly texted each other backdoor jokes ripe with sexual innuendo. But the fact of the matter is, we got some inner team rivalry brewing.

So here at the R.A.D., we're going to monitor this war. The comments section of the last post was incorrect in claiming that Line 1 is off to an early lead, because well, last game was the only game that the lines were actually set. In the first game, King played defense, and therefore, neither line was existent. Here is the ledger for the war so far:

Line 1: 7 points (3 goals, 4 assists)
Line 2: 8 points (4 goals, 4 assists)

Interesting Note: King is the only Comrade without 2 goals and 2 assists.
More Interesting Note: King is the weak link.

It's early, but advantage Line 2. For now.