Jean Valjean, the protagonist in arguably the greatest Broadway musical of all time, "Les Miserables" (translation: les miserable people) famously sung "One Day More" on the eve of the first battle in the French Revolution. He knew the revolution was inevitable, he knew there would be casualties, and he knew that this was his last chance to win a Tony. So he flexed those golden pipes and sung his heart out.
Then he died in Act IV.
What is the point of this anecdote? Well, other than trying to force a slice of delicious culture down your throats, the point is to make an analogy. The 13 games the Red Army has played so far this season, coupled with Sunday's looming season-finale match up against the Cryptic Stench, are the proverbial acts one thru three in the drama that is a hockey season. Yes, plot lines are developed and characters reveal themselves, but it is all buildup. If the Comrades seek a climax that is Tony worthy, and wish to win their fourth championship in seven seasons, then they, unlike Monsieur Valjean, must survive Act IV.
Can they?
Well, let's compare Comrades to archetypal movie characters and see what comparisons we can make. Just like how a movie needs a great cast to win Best Picture, so does a team need to right roster to win a championship.
Here are the first three cast members for the movie: Red Army:
Steve Hand
Archetypal Movie Character: War Hero
Here is the guy in war movies that's seen it all. His face is dirty, he looks like he hasn't showered or shaved in weeks, there's a cigarette between his lips, and he's always got a story that tops any other story. You just saw a guy get shot in the chest? That ain't nothing. He just saw a guy get his legs blown off by a grenade, and managed to drag him away just before a helicopter crashed on him. Then he fixed the helicopter and kamikazied it into his enemy's wife's vagina.
Hockey Relation: Hard nosed grinder with a penchant for getting in the goalie's crease/under the goalie's skin.
Pat King
Archetypal Movie Character: College Kid
This guy loves to party. Fucking loves it. Shots? Yes. Beer bongs? Yes. Class? Debatable. He's always down for a good time, even if that good time includes projectile vomiting into a fan. Nothing fazes him except an alarm clock. He's the guy who will find you at a party, drape his arm around you, give you a pat on the ass, and whisper something overtly sexual yet poignant into your ear, then hand you a beer and call you a pussy for not finishing it in less than three seconds.
Hockey Relation: Forward with an ability to create nice plays, but easily thrown off of his game with rough stuff.
Jamie Simek
Archetypal Movie Character: Reliable Friend
Ladies love him, kids love him, hell, even guys love him. He's the guy who is always there, always. Got a problem with something? He'll bail you out. Need advice with something? Listen to him. He's grounded, has his ducks in a row, and knows what he wants. Often times, he is the polar opposite of the protagonist.
Hockey Relation: Least flashy (save for one crazy dangle)/most reliable player. The Karl Alzner of the Comrades. Don't expect a lot of goals, if any, but expect a lot of defense. Did I mention he is reliable?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
On Keeping Faith
As every devout Catholic knows, today is Good Friday. It's the saddest day in the liturgical calendar. Masses across the globe tone down the typically upbeat, guitar-lead choirs, priests break out the Latin for that archaic, somber feel, and the incense wafts through the pews like a fart through the metro. Yes folks, we got some tears in the eyes.
Perhaps then, today is a good day to reflect on our own faith when it comes to all things stick and puck. Undoubtedly, following last night's stinker of a game versus team Trailside, the congregation in the church of Red Army may be a bit shaken in their faith. The team that only one day earlier had a seemingly easy path to its first division title, now is thrown back into the mix in the never-ending debate of "pretender vs. contender". After last night, many might vote for the former.
But that's where faith comes in. Have faith that it was an anomaly. Have faith that when the time comes, when the games matter more, the Red army will win. Why? Absolutely no reason at all. Other than of course, that they've done it before.
(Unfinished/outdated article)
Perhaps then, today is a good day to reflect on our own faith when it comes to all things stick and puck. Undoubtedly, following last night's stinker of a game versus team Trailside, the congregation in the church of Red Army may be a bit shaken in their faith. The team that only one day earlier had a seemingly easy path to its first division title, now is thrown back into the mix in the never-ending debate of "pretender vs. contender". After last night, many might vote for the former.
But that's where faith comes in. Have faith that it was an anomaly. Have faith that when the time comes, when the games matter more, the Red army will win. Why? Absolutely no reason at all. Other than of course, that they've done it before.
(Unfinished/outdated article)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Red Army Nearing First Division Title in Franchise History
In the seven year history of Red Army, a history that spans over 20 seasons, no team has ever won the division. In fact, with the exception a one 2nd place finish (which came in dramatic fashion), no team has ever finished better than 4th. This season however, with just three games remaining, the Red Army is two wins away from adding another first for the franchise.
Are they excited?
"[Expletive] yeah we are [expletive] exciting you crazy [expletive]", Pat King told reporters after the morning skate on Wednesday. "We know the history and how this could be a first for the franchise, so we want to take the opportunity and make the most of it."
Continued King, "[Expletive]!"
King was not alone in expressing his excitement.
"Even though I've only been with this team for one season now, I relish the opportunity," Mike D'Ignazio said. "I relish all things, including relish, which I put on Nathan's hot dogs for optimum taste."
D'Ignazio has a contract with Nathan's Hot Dogs that runs through 2013 which contractually obligates the forward to bring up the food in every interview. He also has contracts with Just for Men Touch of Gray, Long John Silvers, and Ford.
Absent from practice today were Mark Hendricks and Jamie Simek, who were visiting a local school in the District of Columbia talking about the importance of teamwork and the importance of staying out of gangs.
"We never invited them," Principal Douglas Washington told police. "They showed up and walked into several classrooms, disrupting the teachers, and talked to students about the importance of avoiding gangs." Washington also added that he thought "the Asian looking one" used the kindergarten bathroom.
Are they excited?
"[Expletive] yeah we are [expletive] exciting you crazy [expletive]", Pat King told reporters after the morning skate on Wednesday. "We know the history and how this could be a first for the franchise, so we want to take the opportunity and make the most of it."
Continued King, "[Expletive]!"
King was not alone in expressing his excitement.
"Even though I've only been with this team for one season now, I relish the opportunity," Mike D'Ignazio said. "I relish all things, including relish, which I put on Nathan's hot dogs for optimum taste."
D'Ignazio has a contract with Nathan's Hot Dogs that runs through 2013 which contractually obligates the forward to bring up the food in every interview. He also has contracts with Just for Men Touch of Gray, Long John Silvers, and Ford.
Absent from practice today were Mark Hendricks and Jamie Simek, who were visiting a local school in the District of Columbia talking about the importance of teamwork and the importance of staying out of gangs.
"We never invited them," Principal Douglas Washington told police. "They showed up and walked into several classrooms, disrupting the teachers, and talked to students about the importance of avoiding gangs." Washington also added that he thought "the Asian looking one" used the kindergarten bathroom.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Red Army Sweeps Season Series Against Prestige Worldwide
The Red Army was victorious in its effort tonight against arch rival Prestige Worldwide, winning a low scoring affair by the count of 4-2. The Soviets were able to earn the two points thanks in large part to a stellar performance in net by fill-in goalie Ron Whaley. Helping out Whaley though, were eight skaters committed to playing defense. The whole team played a stifling brand of hockey, blocking shots, closing lanes, and winning battles. Then, when the opportunity for offense arose, the Soviets cashed in on their chances. It was exactly the type of game the team needs to play if they want to achieve post season success.
It was Red Army hockey.
(Bedtime for Barry, but I'll get something posted tomorrow. Who knows, maybe an article instead of bullet points just for old time's sake. But mostly because I can't think of any more puns for Pat's snipes. You know you can shoot low, Patty?)
It was Red Army hockey.
(Bedtime for Barry, but I'll get something posted tomorrow. Who knows, maybe an article instead of bullet points just for old time's sake. But mostly because I can't think of any more puns for Pat's snipes. You know you can shoot low, Patty?)
Stats Through 10 Games
| Games Played | Goals | Assists | Points | Pims | |
| Hendricks, Mark | 9 | 19 | 12 | 31 | 2 |
| D'Ignazio, Mike | 10 | 14 | 10 | 24 | 6 |
| Odell, Ryan | 9 | 4 | 13 | 17 | 6 |
| King, Pat | 5 | 4 | 5 | 9 | 0 |
| Collis, Pete | 6 | 1 | 7 | 8 | 0 |
| Hand, Steve | 8 | 3 | 4 | 7 | 2 |
| Merold, Dan | 5 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 4 |
| White, Jason | 5 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 6 |
| Horton, Tony | 6 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 0 |
| Hendricks, Brian | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 0 |
| Breiterman, Ben | 2 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 4 |
| Games Played | Wins | Losses | GA | GAA | |
| Simek, Jamie | 6 | 3 | 3 | 33 | 5.5 |
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