One Game More

Jean Valjean, the protagonist in arguably the greatest Broadway musical of all time, "Les Miserables" (translation: les miserable people) famously sung "One Day More" on the eve of the first battle in the French Revolution. He knew the revolution was inevitable, he knew there would be casualties, and he knew that this was his last chance to win a Tony. So he flexed those golden pipes and sung his heart out.

Then he died in Act IV.

What is the point of this anecdote? Well, other than trying to force a slice of delicious culture down your throats, the point is to make an analogy. The 13 games the Red Army has played so far this season, coupled with Sunday's looming season-finale match up against the Cryptic Stench, are the proverbial acts one thru three in the drama that is a hockey season. Yes, plot lines are developed and characters reveal themselves, but it is all buildup. If the Comrades seek a climax that is Tony worthy, and wish to win their fourth championship in seven seasons, then they, unlike Monsieur Valjean, must survive Act IV.

Can they?

Well, let's compare Comrades to archetypal movie characters and see what comparisons we can make. Just like how a movie needs a great cast to win Best Picture, so does a team need to right roster to win a championship.

Here are the first three cast members for the movie: Red Army:

Steve Hand
Archetypal Movie Character: War Hero

Here is the guy in war movies that's seen it all. His face is dirty, he looks like he hasn't showered or shaved in weeks, there's a cigarette between his lips, and he's always got a story that tops any other story. You just saw a guy get shot in the chest? That ain't nothing. He just saw a guy get his legs blown off by a grenade, and managed to drag him away just before a helicopter crashed on him. Then he fixed the helicopter and kamikazied it into his enemy's wife's vagina.

Hockey Relation: Hard nosed grinder with a penchant for getting in the goalie's crease/under the goalie's skin.


Pat King
Archetypal Movie Character: College Kid

This guy loves to party. Fucking loves it. Shots? Yes. Beer bongs? Yes. Class? Debatable. He's always down for a good time, even if that good time includes projectile vomiting into a fan. Nothing fazes him except an alarm clock. He's the guy who will find you at a party, drape his arm around you, give you a pat on the ass, and whisper something overtly sexual yet poignant into your ear, then hand you a beer and call you a pussy for not finishing it in less than three seconds.

Hockey Relation: Forward with an ability to create nice plays, but easily thrown off of his game with rough stuff.


Jamie Simek
Archetypal Movie Character: Reliable Friend

Ladies love him, kids love him, hell, even guys love him. He's the guy who is always there, always. Got a problem with something? He'll bail you out. Need advice with something? Listen to him. He's grounded, has his ducks in a row, and knows what he wants. Often times, he is the polar opposite of the protagonist.

Hockey Relation: Least flashy (save for one crazy dangle)/most reliable player. The Karl Alzner of the Comrades. Don't expect a lot of goals, if any, but expect a lot of defense. Did I mention he is reliable?