A Summer Fling

I'm convinced that the season of spring is a myth. It doesn't exist. People claim that it is spring right now, but in reality, we all know it is summer. It is hot outside. It is uncomfortable. It is sticky, it is muggy, it is humid. A weather snob today told me that it is not officially summer until the summer solstice, which occurs when the sun reaches the northernmost point in the sky. Ok Galileo, then explain why the sweat from my balls has reached the southernmost point of my calves.

You can't? I can. Because it's summer and I'm going commando.

Don't get me wrong, there are some redeeming qualities about summer. Despite it being the asshole of all seasons and monopolizing the calendar, it does have its perks. Namely, vacations. Most people take vacations in the summer. Kids are off from school too, and in general, women wear less clothing. So you see, it's not all bad. There are three things good about it right there. But three things hardly validate an overall shitty product. You couldn't make that excuse about other things.

Man 1: "It's got great acceleration, fuel efficiency, and it handles exceptionally well."
Man 2: "Yes, but it is still a Vespa."

Plus, summer doesn't even have that many holidays. Only two by my count, Independence Day and Labor Day. Look, don't get me wrong, I love America and I love childbirth this, but on the hierarchy of holidays, those two fall near the bottom. They're no Christmas or Thanksgiving, that's all I'm saying. I appreciate the days off from work, but I could use some presents or turkey, or at the very least, some Gold Bond for the old sackeroo.

But for all the shit I give summer, it does boast something special to me: the most competitive season of hockey. Yes, the winter and fall seasons (fuck spring, it's a myth) are competitive, but the summer season is more competitive. More teams, more skill, more flags, and more fun. Rivalries that only exist for only one season out of the year flare up like STDs. An influx of college kids booster lineups to make the gray line between Silver South and Silver North even grayer. And lineups? Well if you thought fielding a decent lineup was hard enough, just wait until the summer when half of the team goes on vacation.

For the Red Army, after winning three consecutive championships, they have gone three consecutive seasons without winning a championship. The last of their triumphs was this time last year- in summer. They are still the reigning summer champions, but the merit of said title is about as valuable as a degree from College in PJs. They certainly have the talent to put together a decent season and go on a run in the playoffs, but it's got to be with a defense-first attitude. We'll see if the roster changes made this off season can help push them back into the promise land... which I pray to Allah is air conditioned.