Red Army Wins Third Straight, Improves to 5-4

With a few minutes remaining in the second period, Captain Steve Hand one-timed a Mike D'Ignazio pass by Easton Fection goalie Dante George to reclaim a two goal lead for the Soviets. Moments later, D'Ignazio scored on a breakaway to give the Soviets a three goal cushion heading into the third. In one shift, the two points at stake that very much hung in the balance, had been secured by Mother Russia.

"We're getting scoring from everyone, and it's making the difference," Mark Hendricks said. "Our defense especially. Odes (Ryan Odell) has really stepped up for us this season. He's good for a goal and an assist a game, and Horts (Tony Horton) is getting more involved too. Plus, we needed Handsy (Hand) to get going. D'Igga (D'Ignazio) has been shooting lights out for a while now. We're starting to all get where we need to be. Obviously me and Patty Cakes (Pat King, who did not play last night) need to get going a bit, but we will. There's room to improve with putting the puck in the net, but we're trending the right way."

Continued Hendricks, "Jimma Jam (Jamie Simek) and Hanley the Manley (Sean Hanley) also played neato (very good).

Hendricks started the scoring in the first on what has become his bread-and-butter move. The forward corralled a puck from behind the net and did a quick wrap around that snuck between George's skate and the right post. Moments later, Odell pushed the lead to 2-0 on a snap shot from the slot.

"It was a bit of a lucky shot," Odell joked after the game. "But, you have to shoot the puck. We had a few shots that shift. It keeps defensemen honest. I hate lying defenseman."

The Fections were able to slip one past Hanley late in the frame, but another Hendricks tally right before the horn re-established the two goal lead.

On the bench at the first intermission, players talked about keeping the shifts short, and accidentally vomiting when suppressing rebel farts.

"I am a bit of an expert on the subject," Simek said, before opening a window.

In the second period, neither team was able to capitalize on opportunities until late, when the Vaginal Rashes brought the score to within one. The Fections continued to press, but after a turnover sprung D'Ignazio and Hand, the game became all Red Army.

"I really needed that," Hand said. "Mike Vincent D'Ignazio gave me such an excellent pass. Mark James Hendricks and Ryan Craig Odell had already scored, so I wanted to contribute myself. And I tell you what, those two cats Jameson George Simek and Tony Edelweiss Horton sure are fleet of foot!"

Hand then piled his gear into his Model-T and drove home listening to what would be described as "elevator music".

With the score 6-3 going into the 3rd, the Soviets didn't leave it to chance. Hand struck again in the opening minute, and D'Ignazio tacked on two late ones to put the nail in the coffin and the coffin in the ground.

"All around good effort," D'Ignazio said. "Man, there sure are a lot of fucking children here."

OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES:

- Horton played three straight games of hockey on Sunday. This is all part of Hendricks' master plan to wear the Big Rig down before Thursday. Rumor has it Horton is helping Hendricks build and move into a tree house on Wednesday night.

- Jamie Simek dressed up as a gynecologist for a Halloween party the night before playing a team named the Easton Fections.

- 5-4 means one thing and one thing only... the 10 win season is still possible.

THREE STARS:

3: Mike D'Ignazio

2: Ryan Odell

1: Steve Hand