The Soviets defeated Prestige Worldwide 3-1 on Thursday night and advanced to the championship series, where they will face Trailside in a best-of-three series for the second straight season.
Trailing 1-0 midway through the game, Aaron Duda struck to tie to score at 1. Mike D'Ignazio tallied late in the middle stanza to give the Soviets the lead, and Mark Hendricks scored an insurance marker on a breakaway with four minutes remaining in the third period to seal the win. Kevin Durkin steered away 21 shots en route to the semi-finals victory.
-Associated Press
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Feel Good Stat du Jour
Despite being a bit hungover today, I've still managed to give 78% effort at work. The post lunch dip in caring (PLDC/60) will drop today's average to near 63%, but for now, it's commendable.
#FancyStats
#FancyStats
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
TSARS AGAIN
Near the midway mark of overtime, Mark Hendricks collected an outlet pass from Tony Horton at the top of the Soviet defensive zone. Hendricks raced down the right wing and tried to beat the last remaining defenseman along the boards, but was interfered with while trying to work to the inside, resulting in a delayed penalty call. As goaltender Kevin Durkin raced to the bench for the extra attacker, Mike D'Ignazio retrieved the loose puck to continue the offensive thrust. D'Ignazio skated toward the slot to unleash a slapshot, but was hit as he shot, managing only a weak, low shot that was kicked out by Trailside's goalie Chris Celenski. The referee, deeming that Celenski had not controlled the puck, allowed for play to continue. With D'Ignazio and the Trailside defender both tangled up, Hendricks swooped in and picked up the rebound, taking a step to the side of the outstretched Celenski before firing the puck into the back of the net to end the game, the series, and the season.
The Soviets were once again Tsars of the division.
"I thought that whistle was going to blow," a euphoric Hendricks said after the game. "I mean, I thought their guy actually touched the puck before Digs shot it. Then when Celenski stopped it, I thought it was going to be blown. But, you always play til the whistle, so I kept going. When I had that puck and I was in alone, I don't know, I knew he robbed me earlier on the same play, so I took it a bit wider. I knew I had to end it there. When it went in, I don't know... I just jumped. I think I tried to tackle Odell."
"It was like jumping into a lover's arms after you hadn't seen them in six years. And, there had been a world war that had separated you," Odell said. "No homo though. I talked about war. It was manly. A manly hug. God damnit it felt good."
The celebration was brief though, as D'Ignazio was still lying on the rink, not in a state of euphoria, but in a state of fogged delusion. The forward's collision with a member of Trailside's defensive corps was no fender bender.
"I remember getting that puck and trying to shoot," D'Ignazio said after the game, sporting an ice pack on his head. "Then I remember just looking up and getting crushed. Then, a bright light. My great grandparents were there. They were motioning to me. They were waving me in, and I was floating. I was floating toward... a Chick Fil A... "
"Hold still Digga," Captain Steve Hand interrupted D'Ignazio's story to grab a few ice cubes from the ice pack to put in his Apple-Tini. "Annnnd all good. Hey, who read the latest Vogue?!?"
The Soviets scored the first goal of the game, as they did in each one of their five playoff games this summer, about ten minutes into the first period. Jason White made a smart pinch in the offensive zone to keep the puck alive, and passed the puck to Hendricks who was waiting at the top of the right face-off circle. Hendricks received the pass and cut to the slot, unleashing a backhand shot that nicked the right post and crossbar before landing in the back of the net.
"I saw two guys pressuring me, so I knew [Hendricks] would be open," White said. "It was a good way to cap off that shift, we we're owning the puck that shift."
Continued White, "I don't always show up on the score-sheet, but when I do, it's against Trailside in the playoffs."
Red Army continued to carry the play as the period progressed, but the Comrades were unable to establish a two goal lead. D'Ignazio and Hendricks both missed on back to back golden opportunities, and before long, on a counter-attack, Trailside had evened the score at one.
"Just had a bit of a breakdown there," Jamie Simek said. "We were running around in our own zone and they made us pay. Still, going into the first period tied at one, I think we were happy. I know I was, there were sillies galore upstairs and very few trifling ones. Oh sure."
In the second period, the teams again traded chances, but it was the goaltenders who shined brightest. Both Durkin and Celenski were tested, but neither would budge. Durkin was bailed out by Pat King late in the middle stanza when a high shot ricocheted off of the back boards and back in front of Durkin. King swatted the puck out before a Trailside forward could jam the puck home.
"We're going to need a bigger boat," King said.
Asked to expand on what he meant, King responded, "Hash tag shark week. Now grab a dummy seal and get in my shark sled!"
The Red Army reclaimed the lead in the final two minutes of the period, on a broken, and very lucky, play. Two Trailside players criss-crossed at the top of the offensive zone. D'Ignazio challenged puck carrier who was not expecting the defense. The Trailside player tried to make a pass but D'Ignazio deflected it a few feet away from the two of them. Hendricks abandoned his defensive assignment and sprung toward center, anticipating that D'Ignazio would win the race and feed him the puck for the breakaway-- a risky play the forward would admit later. D'Ignazio did win the race and did feed Hendricks the puck though, and Hendricks made no mistake on the breakaway, scoring on a backhand shot to the roof to give the Soviets the 2-1 lead.
"I knew right when I left my man it was a risky play," Hendricks said. "If Digs hadn't gotten it, it's a 4 on 2 the other way. But, if he did get it, it was a breakaway from center. You have to take chances if you're going to win, and you have to have guys that can let you take those chances. I've been lucky to play with guys that I can take more chances than other guys," Hendricks then paused, and said, "but I swear I'm defensively committed! I swear! I had like, four blocked shots this season!"
With the lead going into the third, the mantra on the bench was to not deviate from the game plan. Fifteen minutes of good hockey and the team would be champions again.
They relinquished the lead on the first shift.
"Not exactly the way we drew it up," Horton said. "In fact, it was quite terrible. The nation of Germany hasn't even done something that terrible."
Horton then loosened his collar and looked around briefly before continuing, "I'm of course joking... we gave David Hasselhoff way too much fame."
Things went from bad to worse with four minutes remaining when Hand was whistled for a roughing penalty. The Trailside power play, which had been lethal all playoffs, went to work. King, Simek, and Horton killed the first minute, selflessly throwing themselves in front of shots to keep the pucks from getting to Durkin. When the shots did get through, Durkin steered them to the side or out into the meshing. It looked like the Comrades would survive the late scare until a failed clearing attempt with ten seconds left on the penalty was kept in by Trailside. A point shot was deflected en route, landing perfectly on the blade of a Trailside forward positioned to the side of Durkin. Before Durkin could scramble over, it was 3-2 Trailside with a bit more than two minutes remaining.
"No panic," D'Ignazio said when asked to describe how the bench felt after that goal went in. "We were resilient. All season long we've thrived in one goal games. We were within striking distance, they got a bounce, we could get a bounce too."
And they did. But first, they got a power play.
Hendricks was tripped near center, giving the Comrades their first power play of the game. They stacked the unit, keeping Hendricks and D'Ignazio out there, but adding Odell and Aaron Duda to the point. The unit went to work and maintained good puck possession, but couldn't generate shots. With a little more than a minute remaining in the game, Hendricks took a pass from D'Ignazio on the goal line to the right of Celenski. Hendricks attempted a pass through the crease to Duda who was crashing the net back door, but the puck hit a defenseman's skates and trickled through Celenski to the back of the net.
With just over 60 seconds remaining in their season, the Soviets had rallied to tie the game.
"I felt like the guy in Shawshank Redemption when that went in," Hand said. "Or the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional."
In overtime, the Soviets actually had a power play opportunity to win the game, but were unable to capitalize. Durkin made several key saves to prolong the extra frame, but the best play came from Duda, who made a diving poke check on a breakaway.
"One of the many advantages of being eight feet tall is my reach," Duda said. "And, I can ride any roller coaster."
Shortly after that poke check, Horton threw the puck around the boards where it landed on Hendricks' stick, and the rest is, well, history.
"You always remember your first," D'Ignazio said.
"Dude," said Simek, "That's kinda gay."
THREE STARS:
3:
2:
1: Pete Collis, Mike D'Ignazio, Aaaron Duda, Kevin Durkin, Steve Hand, Mark Hendricks, Tony Horton, Pat King, Ryan Odell, Jamie Simek, Jason White
The Soviets were once again Tsars of the division.
"I thought that whistle was going to blow," a euphoric Hendricks said after the game. "I mean, I thought their guy actually touched the puck before Digs shot it. Then when Celenski stopped it, I thought it was going to be blown. But, you always play til the whistle, so I kept going. When I had that puck and I was in alone, I don't know, I knew he robbed me earlier on the same play, so I took it a bit wider. I knew I had to end it there. When it went in, I don't know... I just jumped. I think I tried to tackle Odell."
"It was like jumping into a lover's arms after you hadn't seen them in six years. And, there had been a world war that had separated you," Odell said. "No homo though. I talked about war. It was manly. A manly hug. God damnit it felt good."
The celebration was brief though, as D'Ignazio was still lying on the rink, not in a state of euphoria, but in a state of fogged delusion. The forward's collision with a member of Trailside's defensive corps was no fender bender.
"I remember getting that puck and trying to shoot," D'Ignazio said after the game, sporting an ice pack on his head. "Then I remember just looking up and getting crushed. Then, a bright light. My great grandparents were there. They were motioning to me. They were waving me in, and I was floating. I was floating toward... a Chick Fil A... "
"Hold still Digga," Captain Steve Hand interrupted D'Ignazio's story to grab a few ice cubes from the ice pack to put in his Apple-Tini. "Annnnd all good. Hey, who read the latest Vogue?!?"
The Soviets scored the first goal of the game, as they did in each one of their five playoff games this summer, about ten minutes into the first period. Jason White made a smart pinch in the offensive zone to keep the puck alive, and passed the puck to Hendricks who was waiting at the top of the right face-off circle. Hendricks received the pass and cut to the slot, unleashing a backhand shot that nicked the right post and crossbar before landing in the back of the net.
"I saw two guys pressuring me, so I knew [Hendricks] would be open," White said. "It was a good way to cap off that shift, we we're owning the puck that shift."
Continued White, "I don't always show up on the score-sheet, but when I do, it's against Trailside in the playoffs."
Red Army continued to carry the play as the period progressed, but the Comrades were unable to establish a two goal lead. D'Ignazio and Hendricks both missed on back to back golden opportunities, and before long, on a counter-attack, Trailside had evened the score at one.
"Just had a bit of a breakdown there," Jamie Simek said. "We were running around in our own zone and they made us pay. Still, going into the first period tied at one, I think we were happy. I know I was, there were sillies galore upstairs and very few trifling ones. Oh sure."
In the second period, the teams again traded chances, but it was the goaltenders who shined brightest. Both Durkin and Celenski were tested, but neither would budge. Durkin was bailed out by Pat King late in the middle stanza when a high shot ricocheted off of the back boards and back in front of Durkin. King swatted the puck out before a Trailside forward could jam the puck home.
"We're going to need a bigger boat," King said.
Asked to expand on what he meant, King responded, "Hash tag shark week. Now grab a dummy seal and get in my shark sled!"
The Red Army reclaimed the lead in the final two minutes of the period, on a broken, and very lucky, play. Two Trailside players criss-crossed at the top of the offensive zone. D'Ignazio challenged puck carrier who was not expecting the defense. The Trailside player tried to make a pass but D'Ignazio deflected it a few feet away from the two of them. Hendricks abandoned his defensive assignment and sprung toward center, anticipating that D'Ignazio would win the race and feed him the puck for the breakaway-- a risky play the forward would admit later. D'Ignazio did win the race and did feed Hendricks the puck though, and Hendricks made no mistake on the breakaway, scoring on a backhand shot to the roof to give the Soviets the 2-1 lead.
"I knew right when I left my man it was a risky play," Hendricks said. "If Digs hadn't gotten it, it's a 4 on 2 the other way. But, if he did get it, it was a breakaway from center. You have to take chances if you're going to win, and you have to have guys that can let you take those chances. I've been lucky to play with guys that I can take more chances than other guys," Hendricks then paused, and said, "but I swear I'm defensively committed! I swear! I had like, four blocked shots this season!"
With the lead going into the third, the mantra on the bench was to not deviate from the game plan. Fifteen minutes of good hockey and the team would be champions again.
They relinquished the lead on the first shift.
"Not exactly the way we drew it up," Horton said. "In fact, it was quite terrible. The nation of Germany hasn't even done something that terrible."
Horton then loosened his collar and looked around briefly before continuing, "I'm of course joking... we gave David Hasselhoff way too much fame."
Things went from bad to worse with four minutes remaining when Hand was whistled for a roughing penalty. The Trailside power play, which had been lethal all playoffs, went to work. King, Simek, and Horton killed the first minute, selflessly throwing themselves in front of shots to keep the pucks from getting to Durkin. When the shots did get through, Durkin steered them to the side or out into the meshing. It looked like the Comrades would survive the late scare until a failed clearing attempt with ten seconds left on the penalty was kept in by Trailside. A point shot was deflected en route, landing perfectly on the blade of a Trailside forward positioned to the side of Durkin. Before Durkin could scramble over, it was 3-2 Trailside with a bit more than two minutes remaining.
"No panic," D'Ignazio said when asked to describe how the bench felt after that goal went in. "We were resilient. All season long we've thrived in one goal games. We were within striking distance, they got a bounce, we could get a bounce too."
And they did. But first, they got a power play.
Hendricks was tripped near center, giving the Comrades their first power play of the game. They stacked the unit, keeping Hendricks and D'Ignazio out there, but adding Odell and Aaron Duda to the point. The unit went to work and maintained good puck possession, but couldn't generate shots. With a little more than a minute remaining in the game, Hendricks took a pass from D'Ignazio on the goal line to the right of Celenski. Hendricks attempted a pass through the crease to Duda who was crashing the net back door, but the puck hit a defenseman's skates and trickled through Celenski to the back of the net.
With just over 60 seconds remaining in their season, the Soviets had rallied to tie the game.
"I felt like the guy in Shawshank Redemption when that went in," Hand said. "Or the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional."
In overtime, the Soviets actually had a power play opportunity to win the game, but were unable to capitalize. Durkin made several key saves to prolong the extra frame, but the best play came from Duda, who made a diving poke check on a breakaway.
"One of the many advantages of being eight feet tall is my reach," Duda said. "And, I can ride any roller coaster."
Shortly after that poke check, Horton threw the puck around the boards where it landed on Hendricks' stick, and the rest is, well, history.
"You always remember your first," D'Ignazio said.
"Dude," said Simek, "That's kinda gay."
THREE STARS:
3:
2:
1: Pete Collis, Mike D'Ignazio, Aaaron Duda, Kevin Durkin, Steve Hand, Mark Hendricks, Tony Horton, Pat King, Ryan Odell, Jamie Simek, Jason White
Your Feel Good Stat Du Jour
In the last 36 games the Red Army has played (including both the postseason and regular season), the team has a record of 31-5.
31-5.
That "life support" claim made by Mr. Sopko two seasons ago, is, how appropriately, dead.
BONUS VIDEO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAl-ZyI8R5Y
31-5.
That "life support" claim made by Mr. Sopko two seasons ago, is, how appropriately, dead.
BONUS VIDEO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAl-ZyI8R5Y
Monday, August 13, 2012
RED ARMY: CHAMPIONS
Unless you have been living underneath a rock for the last four days, you know that the Red Army defeated Trailside 4-3 in overtime in the decisive game three to win the series, and the team's first championship in nearly two years.
But, even if you do know that, we still want to blog.
So we're gonna.
Unhhhhhhh.
But, even if you do know that, we still want to blog.
So we're gonna.
Unhhhhhhh.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
CHДMPIФИSHIP SЗЯIЭS GДMЗ 1: #1 TЯДILSIDЭ VS. #2 ЯЗD ДЯMУ
Pregame pump up material coming around 2pm EST.
SФVIЗTS 8, SHФCКЭЯS 5
It wasn't pretty, but it was enough. Wins and only wins define success in the playoffs, which is fortunate for the Red Army, who would have received no style points for their 8-5 win over the Shockers on Sunday in the semifinals. The Soviets nearly squandered a four goal lead, but held on and will now face Trailside in the Jenkins Cup Finals.
"At the end, honestly, I was just hoping that clock would hit zero," Mark Hendricks said. Hendricks who finished with two goals and two assists, wasn't overly pleased with his team's performance and expects to be better on Thursday. "We got complacent in the first. We scored a bunch of goals, then I think we went into a shell, stopped shooting, and let them back into the game. We were lucky the game ended when it did, because I don't know how much longer we could have held on. We'll need to be better against Trailside. We'll be better."
Though Hendricks is typically the Soviets' most leaned on offensive weapon, his performance on Sunday was dwarfed by that of Pete Collis, who exploded for four goals, three of which came in the opening period.
"I don't know what got into him," Pat King said, referring to his linemate Collis. "I think he got two in one shift. And on one he fired a shot, then got his own rebound and put it in. He just had that mojo going today. I don't know what he ate for breakfast or lunch, but he should have it again. And again. And again."
"It's great for him to finally get a goal," King added. "We saved the puck for him so he can remember his first."
Collis enthusiast Jason White started the scoring early in the first, scoring on a point shot that eluded Shocker fill-in netminder Dante George.
"See what you're limiting when you play with five defensemen?!?" White asked the overlooking spectators that lined the upstairs balcony. "Are you not entertained? Are you NOT entertained?!?" White then threw his stick toward the upstairs patrons, but the surrounding meshing blocked the projectile and repelled it back toward the rink where it landed in the visitor's penalty box."
Collis scored his first of the game a few minutes later to push the lead to 2-0. He collected a pass and fired his shot upstairs on George. Later, on the same shift, Collis received a pass from King and raced down the right wing, firing a low snap shot. George stopped the initial shot, kicking the puck out into the slot, but Collis was there for his own rebound and potted it on the backhand.
"That Collis is so hot right now," Tony Horton said.
Collis completed the natural hat trick later in the period on another innocent looking shot that snuck inside the post. It was the first natural hat trick scored by a Soviet in over two years.
"History, I make it," Collis said, boarding his rocket ship with six super models and enough Verdi Spumante to fill the Indian Ocean twice. "Now," Collis continued, "Let's go have sex on the moon!"
The Shockers struck to make it 4-1 with a few minutes remaining in the period, but on the ensuing face off, any momentum they had created was halted by Hendricks who scored on the ensuing faceoff to reclaim the four goal lead.
That would be the last of the Soviet offense for sometime, as the team retreated into a shell and allowed the Shockers back into the game, surrendering three second-period goals and seeing their lead whither to just one goal.
"It was definitely a wake up call," Aaron Duda said, referring to the Red Army on the verge of collapsing. "Proverbial wake up call I mean. My wake up call was at 6am this morning so I could play for my gold north, sold south, silver north, silver midwest, copper east, tin foil south-south east, and zinc north teams."
Mike D'Ignazio scored the goal the Red Army was desperately seeking a few minutes into the third, after he collected a feed from Hendricks and stuffed the puck five hole in tight. Then, with about eight minutes remaining, Collis intercepted a pass and scored his fourth of the game on a breakaway.
"Pistol [expletive] Pete," D'Ignazio said to no one in particular.
The Shockers scored their final goal of the season with a little more than four minutes to play, but the Soviets and fill-in goalie Ron Whaley were able to stave off their finals attacks. Hendricks tacked on an empty netter with under a minute to play, and just like that, the Soviets had punched their ticket to the dance.
"Can't wait for Thursday," Odell said. "Oh wait, it's here already!?! I love this Olympic-like coverage of the Red Army!"
THREE STARS:
3: Jason White
2: Mike D'Ignazio
1: Pete Collis
"At the end, honestly, I was just hoping that clock would hit zero," Mark Hendricks said. Hendricks who finished with two goals and two assists, wasn't overly pleased with his team's performance and expects to be better on Thursday. "We got complacent in the first. We scored a bunch of goals, then I think we went into a shell, stopped shooting, and let them back into the game. We were lucky the game ended when it did, because I don't know how much longer we could have held on. We'll need to be better against Trailside. We'll be better."
Though Hendricks is typically the Soviets' most leaned on offensive weapon, his performance on Sunday was dwarfed by that of Pete Collis, who exploded for four goals, three of which came in the opening period.
"I don't know what got into him," Pat King said, referring to his linemate Collis. "I think he got two in one shift. And on one he fired a shot, then got his own rebound and put it in. He just had that mojo going today. I don't know what he ate for breakfast or lunch, but he should have it again. And again. And again."
"It's great for him to finally get a goal," King added. "We saved the puck for him so he can remember his first."
Collis enthusiast Jason White started the scoring early in the first, scoring on a point shot that eluded Shocker fill-in netminder Dante George.
"See what you're limiting when you play with five defensemen?!?" White asked the overlooking spectators that lined the upstairs balcony. "Are you not entertained? Are you NOT entertained?!?" White then threw his stick toward the upstairs patrons, but the surrounding meshing blocked the projectile and repelled it back toward the rink where it landed in the visitor's penalty box."
Collis scored his first of the game a few minutes later to push the lead to 2-0. He collected a pass and fired his shot upstairs on George. Later, on the same shift, Collis received a pass from King and raced down the right wing, firing a low snap shot. George stopped the initial shot, kicking the puck out into the slot, but Collis was there for his own rebound and potted it on the backhand.
"That Collis is so hot right now," Tony Horton said.
Collis completed the natural hat trick later in the period on another innocent looking shot that snuck inside the post. It was the first natural hat trick scored by a Soviet in over two years.
"History, I make it," Collis said, boarding his rocket ship with six super models and enough Verdi Spumante to fill the Indian Ocean twice. "Now," Collis continued, "Let's go have sex on the moon!"
The Shockers struck to make it 4-1 with a few minutes remaining in the period, but on the ensuing face off, any momentum they had created was halted by Hendricks who scored on the ensuing faceoff to reclaim the four goal lead.
That would be the last of the Soviet offense for sometime, as the team retreated into a shell and allowed the Shockers back into the game, surrendering three second-period goals and seeing their lead whither to just one goal.
"It was definitely a wake up call," Aaron Duda said, referring to the Red Army on the verge of collapsing. "Proverbial wake up call I mean. My wake up call was at 6am this morning so I could play for my gold north, sold south, silver north, silver midwest, copper east, tin foil south-south east, and zinc north teams."
Mike D'Ignazio scored the goal the Red Army was desperately seeking a few minutes into the third, after he collected a feed from Hendricks and stuffed the puck five hole in tight. Then, with about eight minutes remaining, Collis intercepted a pass and scored his fourth of the game on a breakaway.
"Pistol [expletive] Pete," D'Ignazio said to no one in particular.
The Shockers scored their final goal of the season with a little more than four minutes to play, but the Soviets and fill-in goalie Ron Whaley were able to stave off their finals attacks. Hendricks tacked on an empty netter with under a minute to play, and just like that, the Soviets had punched their ticket to the dance.
"Can't wait for Thursday," Odell said. "Oh wait, it's here already!?! I love this Olympic-like coverage of the Red Army!"
THREE STARS:
3: Jason White
2: Mike D'Ignazio
1: Pete Collis
SФVIЗTS 4, PЦCК ЭШЗS 1
Last Thursday's Puck Ewes and Red Army game marked the fourth consecutive season in which the two teams have met in the division quarterfinals. On this occasion, the Puck Ewes were looking to pull off an upset over a team they've enjoyed recent playoff success against, having won two of the previous three playoff matches, while the Red Army was looking to avenge an early exit last season and continue their winning streak into the postseason.
As the game would unfold, the Soviets showed that they had no plans of packing things up prematurely this go-round. Backed by a stellar performance in net from Kevin Durkin and a Mark Hendricks hat trick, the Red Army defeated the Puck Ewes 4-1 to escape the first round.
"The first one is always the toughest," captain Steve Hand said after the game. "In the past, we've come out flat early on and maybe surrendered a goal or two that we wouldn't like. Then you're playing from behind and it alters your whole attack. We wanted to come out strong and play your game."
Hand, impressed with himself for giving an honest and candid interview, then ruined the moment by accidentally removing his boxer briefs while removing his cup, exposing himself to a team of nearby U12 female soccer players.
It is unclear at this moment if their childhood can be restored.
The Soviets got on the board first thanks to a missed call that came very late in the opening frame. With fifteen seconds remaining, the puck deflected off of a stick and into the mesh above the boards to the left of Durkin. Neither ref saw the puck make contact with the mesh and allowed play to continue. Hendricks retrieved the puck and backhanded a pass to Mike D'Ignazio who raced out of the defensive zone to center with Ryan Odell. D'Ignazio fired a shot that was steered to the side by the Puck Ewe netminder. Odell gathered the rebound and tried to jam the puck to the front, but he puck ricocheted off a stick and out into the slot where Hendricks had just arrived. Hendricks corralled the puck and fired a slow snap shot that snuck through the goaltender's pads a split second before the horn sounded to end the period.
"We got lucky about eight times on that goal," Hendricks said. "But, take what you can get, eh? I mean, she wasn't that big."
The Soviets were awarded a power play in the second period with a chance to build on the lead, but instead squandered it and surrendered the game-tying goal while shorthanded. The puck was mishandled at the point and a Puck Ewe skater was able to skate in all alone on Durkin and slip one past the Red Army goalie.
"Just got a bit too cute there," Odell said.
"Downright adorable," Aaron Duda added.
The Comrades rebounded quickly though, scoring on the ensuing shift after surviving a close call. Tony Horton became tangled up with Durkin while trying to clear the puck and nearly allowed a Puck Ewe forward to strip the puck from him with a gaping net. Horton was able to fire the puck around the boards to Hendricks, who then head-manned a pass to D'Ignazio. D'Ignazio gained the offensive zone and dropped the puck back to Hendricks, who was able to pick his corner and reclaim the lead.
Two minutes later Odell avenged his early misplay when he picked off an outlet pass near center and scored while being pulled down to increase the lead to 3-1.
"It was a pretty sick goal," Horton said.
"Downright adorable," Duda added.
With the two goal bulge going into the third, the Soviets realized the importance of not deviating from their defense-first approach.
"Goals come at a premium in the playoffs," Pat King said. "We had three at that juncture and we knew that with the way we were playing, if we continued playing the same way, three would be enough."
Simek echoed King's sentiments, saying, "Same!"
In the third, the Soviets practiced what they preached, forcing the Puck Ewes to play a 200 foot game. When the Puck Ewes were able to generate shots, they were mostly from the perimeter and easily stopped by Durkin. Hendricks delivered the kill blow with about six minutes remaining, intercepting a clearing pass before walking a defender and finding the roof on the goaltender to complete the hat trick.
The final minutes bled off the clock and the Soviets had advanced to round two.
"Bring on the Shockers," Durkin said. "Oh, by the way...."
THREE STARS:
3: Jason White
2: Tony Horton
1: Kevin Durkin
As the game would unfold, the Soviets showed that they had no plans of packing things up prematurely this go-round. Backed by a stellar performance in net from Kevin Durkin and a Mark Hendricks hat trick, the Red Army defeated the Puck Ewes 4-1 to escape the first round.
"The first one is always the toughest," captain Steve Hand said after the game. "In the past, we've come out flat early on and maybe surrendered a goal or two that we wouldn't like. Then you're playing from behind and it alters your whole attack. We wanted to come out strong and play your game."
Hand, impressed with himself for giving an honest and candid interview, then ruined the moment by accidentally removing his boxer briefs while removing his cup, exposing himself to a team of nearby U12 female soccer players.
It is unclear at this moment if their childhood can be restored.
The Soviets got on the board first thanks to a missed call that came very late in the opening frame. With fifteen seconds remaining, the puck deflected off of a stick and into the mesh above the boards to the left of Durkin. Neither ref saw the puck make contact with the mesh and allowed play to continue. Hendricks retrieved the puck and backhanded a pass to Mike D'Ignazio who raced out of the defensive zone to center with Ryan Odell. D'Ignazio fired a shot that was steered to the side by the Puck Ewe netminder. Odell gathered the rebound and tried to jam the puck to the front, but he puck ricocheted off a stick and out into the slot where Hendricks had just arrived. Hendricks corralled the puck and fired a slow snap shot that snuck through the goaltender's pads a split second before the horn sounded to end the period.
"We got lucky about eight times on that goal," Hendricks said. "But, take what you can get, eh? I mean, she wasn't that big."
The Soviets were awarded a power play in the second period with a chance to build on the lead, but instead squandered it and surrendered the game-tying goal while shorthanded. The puck was mishandled at the point and a Puck Ewe skater was able to skate in all alone on Durkin and slip one past the Red Army goalie.
"Just got a bit too cute there," Odell said.
"Downright adorable," Aaron Duda added.
The Comrades rebounded quickly though, scoring on the ensuing shift after surviving a close call. Tony Horton became tangled up with Durkin while trying to clear the puck and nearly allowed a Puck Ewe forward to strip the puck from him with a gaping net. Horton was able to fire the puck around the boards to Hendricks, who then head-manned a pass to D'Ignazio. D'Ignazio gained the offensive zone and dropped the puck back to Hendricks, who was able to pick his corner and reclaim the lead.
Two minutes later Odell avenged his early misplay when he picked off an outlet pass near center and scored while being pulled down to increase the lead to 3-1.
"It was a pretty sick goal," Horton said.
"Downright adorable," Duda added.
With the two goal bulge going into the third, the Soviets realized the importance of not deviating from their defense-first approach.
"Goals come at a premium in the playoffs," Pat King said. "We had three at that juncture and we knew that with the way we were playing, if we continued playing the same way, three would be enough."
Simek echoed King's sentiments, saying, "Same!"
In the third, the Soviets practiced what they preached, forcing the Puck Ewes to play a 200 foot game. When the Puck Ewes were able to generate shots, they were mostly from the perimeter and easily stopped by Durkin. Hendricks delivered the kill blow with about six minutes remaining, intercepting a clearing pass before walking a defender and finding the roof on the goaltender to complete the hat trick.
The final minutes bled off the clock and the Soviets had advanced to round two.
"Bring on the Shockers," Durkin said. "Oh, by the way...."
THREE STARS:
3: Jason White
2: Tony Horton
1: Kevin Durkin
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Red Army Advances to Championship Series
It's been a pretty impressive last five days for the Red Army. Last Thursday, they defeated the Puck Ewes 4-1 to advance to the semifinals. That game, played on Sunday, saw the Soviets defeat the Shockers 8-5. With the win, the Soviets advanced into the championship series where they will face the number one ranked team in the division-- Trailside.
But before we dive into the match ups and the keys to the series and the x-factors, let's take a little time to on how we got here, eh? How about two gamers? I know you want them, you've been giving me that look all night. And the night before. And the night before that. And the three previous nights. Baby, tonight you get what you wanted.
You get....covered.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
SФVIЗTS ЬЭДT TЯДILSIDЗ, CДPTЦЯЭ FIЯST PLДCЗ
It was billed as the game of the season. The best team versus the second best team. Two teams, not far removed from a heated Facebook thread that single-handedly increased Mark Zuckerberg's net worth by 14%, facing off in late season game with much more than playoff positioning on the line. A win by either team would be a statement win. Trailside was looking to avenge the only loss of their season, a 7-3 defeat at the hands of Red Army back in May, while the Comrades were looking to continue their hot streak and extend their winning streak to ten games.
It lived up to the billing.
Aaron Duda scored a goal three minutes into overtime to give the Red Army a 6-5 victory, and for the time being, sole possession of first place.
"That one felt great," Captain Steve Hand said after the game. "Two good teams just going at it. It was a battle out there. We got our battle scars to prove it."
Hand then removed his elbow pads and showed off a gruesome cut on his left elbow. For Hand, it was the first time seeing the injury.
"Blood! It's bleeding!" Hand then burst into loud, hysterical sobs and cowered in his locker room stall until a trainer provided him with a Popsicle and a Scooby-Doo band-aid.
As dramatic as the game ended, the start was anything but competitive. Trailside struck twice in the first five minutes, and pressured for more as the period progressed. An uncharacteristic penalty by Mark Hendricks gave Trailside a chance to take a commanding 3-0 lead, but an aggressive penalty unit spearheaded by Ryan Odell thwarted Trailside's extra man opportunity.
"It was important to escape that first period only down by two," Odell said. "We knew we weren't playing up to their level. That PK at the end of the period helped us build some momentum. We just needed to carry something into that first break."
Odell, who does not wear a visor or shield despite suffering two separate injuries to his face this season, was paramount in blocking shots all game, selflessly throwing his body in front of shots from Trailside's intimidating offensive attack.
"I'm a man," Odell said. "Seriously, look." Odell was then arrested for indecent exposure.
He is questionable for Saturday's game.
The Soviets got on the board early in the second period when Pat King rifled home a puck that ricocheted off a Trailside defender to him. The point shot from Odell was knocked down in front, and goaltender Chris Celenski, still reacting to Odell's blast, did not ready himself for King's rebound attempt, which found the top part of the net.
"It gave us life on the bench," Mike D'Ignazio said. "I'm pretty sure Stefan still yelled 'Oh yeah!' though. It's probably because he doesn't know where he is."
Moments after making it 2-1, the Soviets struck again to tie the game. D'Ignazio fed Pete Collis a pass in the neutral zone. Collis skated to the slot, and with Hendricks driving hard to the net with a defender, Collis was able to fire a snap shot inside the post that Celenski couldn't pick up.
For Collis, it was his first career goal.
"What? No, I've scored lots of goals before," Collis said, receiving shaving cream pies to the face from his teammates. "Guys, guys! Oh come on! Now my eyes sting! Seriously guys, I can't see."
Collis is questionable for Saturday's game.
Trailside was able to take the lead back in the second period when all-star defenseman and big truck enthusiast, Craig Desjarlais, was able to release an uncontested wrist shot from the top of the circle to beat Kevin Durkin.
"I couldn't get out to him on that one," a visibly upset D'Ignazio said after the game. "I think [Hendricks] and I mixed up our signals."
"Nope, totes your man," Hendricks added.
King brought the Comrades even again, as he scored his second of the game after slicing through the defense and depositing a nifty backhander top shelf where Mommy hides the baby Tylenol. The goal more than made up for an earlier retaliatory penalty that King had taken in the frame.
"I was feeling it this game," King said. "The puck was sitting for me and I was able to be involved in the offense. Felt good."
Added King, "Plus, when you've got a set of sick mittens like me, great things tend to happen. Ladies?"
After saying this, Tundra Davidson, the goaltender for The Huskies (a team in the senior adult female soccer league) turned her attention toward King, chased him down, and accepted his rhetorical request, giving King the longest night of his life. And a limp.
King is questionable for Saturday's game.
The score remained tied heading into the third period. The mantra on the Red Army's bench was to stay the course.
"We were pretty happy with how we had been playing," Jamie Simek said. "I mean, it really comes down a "would-you-rather", ya know? Would you rather be down 2-0 after the first period or tied 3-3 after two periods? Uh, duh, right? We had improved our situation. I'll give you another example of a would-you-rather."
Simek then detailed a hypothetical situation involving an enema, vomit, and a swordfish.
"I'd definitely take the enema," Simek concluded.
Trailside broke the tie in the third to take a 4-3 lead. On the ensuing shift, Collis scored his second of the game on a nearly identical goal as his first, cutting toward the slot and firing one far side.
For Collis, it was his first career goal.
The Soviets were then given their first power play of the game after D'Ignazio took a slash. With a chance to take the lead for the first time, the Comrades instead were frantic, and gave up shorthanded opportunities. Then, when settling down finally, Hendricks got into a scuffle with a Trailside forward and the two were each assessed matching roughing penalties, removing a big weapon from the Soviet's arsenal.
Rather than backing off the offensive opportunity however, the Soviets sent out out the line that had been doing the damage so far in the game, as Duda, King, Hand, and Simek went out to work the final minute of the power play. They owned the puck, and just as the time for the first penalty expired, Duda ripped a rising snap shot that beat Celenski top shelf where analogies elude aspiring writers.
Chants of Duuuuuu-daaaaaa rained down from the stands.
"That was actually me," Hendricks said. "I was still in the box. I had a great view of it. But those chants? All me. Duuuuuu-daaaaa!"
With the lead for the first time in the game and a little more than five minutes to play, Trailside threw caution to the wind and began throwing everything on net. Durkin was able to stave off the attack, but a late defensive lapse left a forward all alone in front, and with a little more than two minutes remaining, the game was tied 5-5.
"We didn't want to panic after that late goal," Simek said. "It's like, would you rather be tied at five with a few minutes to go in regulation, or walk in your parents having a threesome with your fourth grade gym teacher, ya know?"
In overtime, both teams exchanged chances early on, but it was Trailside who got a golden opportunity after Simek's pass was intercepted near center. A Trailside forward raced in all alone on Durkin, looking to seal the game, but was denied by the left pad.
"Strep throat ain't got sh- hold on," Durkin said, pausing to wheeze for several minutes. "It's got some on me."
Moments after the save, D'Ignazio retrieved the puck and raced up the boards. He was defended well near the Red Army bench, but the puck came loose to Hendricks, who continued the thrust into the Trailside zone and unleashed a low wrist shot that Celenski kicked out. Duda, who had been driving hard down the far wing, beat his defender to the puck, and jammed in the rebound to vault the Comrades to sudden victory.
"It was a gutsy effort all around by the boys," Duda said. Duda, who gave a semi-enthusiastic fist pump after scoring the goal, added, "That was the most exciting moment of my life."
"I'd definitely take the gym teacher," Simek said. "She was a silly."
THREE STARS:
3: Kevin Durkin
2: Pat King
1: Aaron Duda
It lived up to the billing.
Aaron Duda scored a goal three minutes into overtime to give the Red Army a 6-5 victory, and for the time being, sole possession of first place.
"That one felt great," Captain Steve Hand said after the game. "Two good teams just going at it. It was a battle out there. We got our battle scars to prove it."
Hand then removed his elbow pads and showed off a gruesome cut on his left elbow. For Hand, it was the first time seeing the injury.
"Blood! It's bleeding!" Hand then burst into loud, hysterical sobs and cowered in his locker room stall until a trainer provided him with a Popsicle and a Scooby-Doo band-aid.
As dramatic as the game ended, the start was anything but competitive. Trailside struck twice in the first five minutes, and pressured for more as the period progressed. An uncharacteristic penalty by Mark Hendricks gave Trailside a chance to take a commanding 3-0 lead, but an aggressive penalty unit spearheaded by Ryan Odell thwarted Trailside's extra man opportunity.
"It was important to escape that first period only down by two," Odell said. "We knew we weren't playing up to their level. That PK at the end of the period helped us build some momentum. We just needed to carry something into that first break."
Odell, who does not wear a visor or shield despite suffering two separate injuries to his face this season, was paramount in blocking shots all game, selflessly throwing his body in front of shots from Trailside's intimidating offensive attack.
"I'm a man," Odell said. "Seriously, look." Odell was then arrested for indecent exposure.
He is questionable for Saturday's game.
The Soviets got on the board early in the second period when Pat King rifled home a puck that ricocheted off a Trailside defender to him. The point shot from Odell was knocked down in front, and goaltender Chris Celenski, still reacting to Odell's blast, did not ready himself for King's rebound attempt, which found the top part of the net.
"It gave us life on the bench," Mike D'Ignazio said. "I'm pretty sure Stefan still yelled 'Oh yeah!' though. It's probably because he doesn't know where he is."
Moments after making it 2-1, the Soviets struck again to tie the game. D'Ignazio fed Pete Collis a pass in the neutral zone. Collis skated to the slot, and with Hendricks driving hard to the net with a defender, Collis was able to fire a snap shot inside the post that Celenski couldn't pick up.
For Collis, it was his first career goal.
"What? No, I've scored lots of goals before," Collis said, receiving shaving cream pies to the face from his teammates. "Guys, guys! Oh come on! Now my eyes sting! Seriously guys, I can't see."
Collis is questionable for Saturday's game.
Trailside was able to take the lead back in the second period when all-star defenseman and big truck enthusiast, Craig Desjarlais, was able to release an uncontested wrist shot from the top of the circle to beat Kevin Durkin.
"I couldn't get out to him on that one," a visibly upset D'Ignazio said after the game. "I think [Hendricks] and I mixed up our signals."
"Nope, totes your man," Hendricks added.
King brought the Comrades even again, as he scored his second of the game after slicing through the defense and depositing a nifty backhander top shelf where Mommy hides the baby Tylenol. The goal more than made up for an earlier retaliatory penalty that King had taken in the frame.
"I was feeling it this game," King said. "The puck was sitting for me and I was able to be involved in the offense. Felt good."
Added King, "Plus, when you've got a set of sick mittens like me, great things tend to happen. Ladies?"
After saying this, Tundra Davidson, the goaltender for The Huskies (a team in the senior adult female soccer league) turned her attention toward King, chased him down, and accepted his rhetorical request, giving King the longest night of his life. And a limp.
King is questionable for Saturday's game.
The score remained tied heading into the third period. The mantra on the Red Army's bench was to stay the course.
"We were pretty happy with how we had been playing," Jamie Simek said. "I mean, it really comes down a "would-you-rather", ya know? Would you rather be down 2-0 after the first period or tied 3-3 after two periods? Uh, duh, right? We had improved our situation. I'll give you another example of a would-you-rather."
Simek then detailed a hypothetical situation involving an enema, vomit, and a swordfish.
"I'd definitely take the enema," Simek concluded.
Trailside broke the tie in the third to take a 4-3 lead. On the ensuing shift, Collis scored his second of the game on a nearly identical goal as his first, cutting toward the slot and firing one far side.
For Collis, it was his first career goal.
The Soviets were then given their first power play of the game after D'Ignazio took a slash. With a chance to take the lead for the first time, the Comrades instead were frantic, and gave up shorthanded opportunities. Then, when settling down finally, Hendricks got into a scuffle with a Trailside forward and the two were each assessed matching roughing penalties, removing a big weapon from the Soviet's arsenal.
Rather than backing off the offensive opportunity however, the Soviets sent out out the line that had been doing the damage so far in the game, as Duda, King, Hand, and Simek went out to work the final minute of the power play. They owned the puck, and just as the time for the first penalty expired, Duda ripped a rising snap shot that beat Celenski top shelf where analogies elude aspiring writers.
Chants of Duuuuuu-daaaaaa rained down from the stands.
"That was actually me," Hendricks said. "I was still in the box. I had a great view of it. But those chants? All me. Duuuuuu-daaaaa!"
With the lead for the first time in the game and a little more than five minutes to play, Trailside threw caution to the wind and began throwing everything on net. Durkin was able to stave off the attack, but a late defensive lapse left a forward all alone in front, and with a little more than two minutes remaining, the game was tied 5-5.
"We didn't want to panic after that late goal," Simek said. "It's like, would you rather be tied at five with a few minutes to go in regulation, or walk in your parents having a threesome with your fourth grade gym teacher, ya know?"
In overtime, both teams exchanged chances early on, but it was Trailside who got a golden opportunity after Simek's pass was intercepted near center. A Trailside forward raced in all alone on Durkin, looking to seal the game, but was denied by the left pad.
"Strep throat ain't got sh- hold on," Durkin said, pausing to wheeze for several minutes. "It's got some on me."
Moments after the save, D'Ignazio retrieved the puck and raced up the boards. He was defended well near the Red Army bench, but the puck came loose to Hendricks, who continued the thrust into the Trailside zone and unleashed a low wrist shot that Celenski kicked out. Duda, who had been driving hard down the far wing, beat his defender to the puck, and jammed in the rebound to vault the Comrades to sudden victory.
"It was a gutsy effort all around by the boys," Duda said. Duda, who gave a semi-enthusiastic fist pump after scoring the goal, added, "That was the most exciting moment of my life."
"I'd definitely take the gym teacher," Simek said. "She was a silly."
THREE STARS:
3: Kevin Durkin
2: Pat King
1: Aaron Duda
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Soviets Rid Themselves of Easton Fections
Mark Hendricks and a bloodied Ryan Odell scored in the shootout and backup goaltender Chris Celenski stopped both Easton Fection shots he faced as the Comrades secured a 6-5 win and improved to 3-2 on the season.
Continued Jason, "Would have been better if we didn't have five guys though. Jesus.."
"This was a wild one," Odell said after the game. "From the get-go, both teams were really skating, really hustling. It was fun to be a part of."
Odell, who was playing his first game since undergoing facial surgery to repair a broken nose, also talked about the close call he encountered in the third.
"Yeah, it got a little scary there. [Pearson's] stick came up and caught me right in the lip. At first I was thinking 'You have to be [expletive] kidding me', but I realized it was just the lips. I know a lot of people have been clamoring for me to wear a cage, but you know what, quit your clamoring. I won't wear a cage til Aaron wears one."
"I tried a visor for a bit," Aaron Duda said. "But my doo-rag wasn't big enough."
Mike D'Ignazio started the scoring on a patented D'Ignazio blast from the left wing. The forward collected a pass and skated into the zone before firing the puck far side.
"The slap shot is the more ferocious shot in the animal kingdom," D'Ignazio said. "So wild, so free."
The Fections were able to tie it moments later, then strike two more late in the opening period to take a 3-1 advantage into the first break.
"We actually liked the way we were playing," Steve Hand said. "We were hustling, we were skating, and we were getting chances," Hand, who after the game admitted to being hungover after "getting weird" last night, talked about the advantages of having five guys on offense.
"It's terrible for flow. Jason was right."
The Soviets began to create more chances in the second period by altering their forechecking attack. With relentless pressure, they were able to generate two quick strikes by forcing Easton Fection turnovers. Pat King and Hendricks struck on consecutive shifts to tie the game at three.
"I had Drix going to the net," King said. "I think the goalie was expecting the pass to get to him. I saw him leaning a bit, so I decided to rip one right where Mommy hides the baby Tylenol."
Hendricks was less descriptive in describing his goal.
"I took the pass from Digs and just tried to get it on net. I think I fanned on it. Hashtag awesome, hashtag I'll take it, hashtag avenge Odell. God, how is Ryan Odell's face not trending worldwide right now?"
Hendricks tallied his second of the game early in the third with a fade away wrist shot that found it's way through a maze of bodies and past the goalie.
"Hashtag Jordan," Hendricks continued.
D'Ignazio increased the lead to 5-3 with six minutes to go in the game. The Soviets penchant for taking penalties cost them the lead however. With the score 5-4 and Hendricks in the box for slashing, the Fections scored on a fluke skate redirection.
The horn sounded and the teams went to overtime. The Soviets had a power play, hit the post, then got really sloppy, and dodged bullet after bullet as Celenski held down the fort.
Then the game went into a shootout, setting the stage for Hendricks and Odell.
"It's always good to win a game like this," Jason White said. "It was a battle out there."
Continued Jason, "Would have been better if we didn't have five guys though. Jesus.."
THREE STARS:
3: Tony Horton
2: Mike D'Ignazio
1: Ryan Odell
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Back from Vacation
As none of you knew, all of us at the R.A.D. just took nearly a two-month vacation around the world. We went to Egypt, to Australia, to Switzerland... everywhere. Go ahead, name a place, I bet we were there. The North Pole? You smart ass.
Anyways, we're back now. You missed the blogging. We missed the blogging. And the blog missed the blogging. So let's get back into the groove of things. You can expect some sort of season-catch-up article today to bring everyone up to date on how the season is going so far (spoiler alert: so-so, but trending up).
Also, since we owe everyone a few blog posts, you can submit suggestions in the comment section. Except for Mike D'Ignazio. Any suggestion he makes will be ignored, then the opposite of what he proposed will be written.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Life Support
Last night marked the regular season finale for the Silver South division. How fitting it was that the two teams tasked with closing out the season were the Red Army and Trailside-- two teams with drastically different styles of play, a brewing, heated rivalry, and a catalog of online trash talk so fresh and expansive it would make Louis CK blush. As for the game itself, well, on paper at least, it should have been a blowout. One team, comprised of several all-star caliber players enjoying career years, seemed unbeatable. The other team, comprised of a ragtag group of guys who had honed their skills over the years at an area outdoor rink, were just hoping to make it competitive.
Perhaps they should have spent more time practicing.
Predictably, Team Trailside, the class of the league for years now, handily defeated the Red Army, a team that has long lingered in the dubious grips of life support, 9-5, vaulting Trailside to their fourth straight season of finishing better than last place.
"Truth be told, I'm just honored to be in their presence," Captain Steve Hand said after the game. "Their captain, Stefan, he has really assembled a great team. They're fast, they play defense, they play offense, they have great goaltending. They're the best team in the league. They're number one for a reason."
Trailside, who now enter the postseason as the #3 seed, were not shy about expressing their excitement regarding the win.
"Suck it!" Stefan Sopko yelled to each one of the Soviets as they pathetically tried to compete with their hockey overlords.
"Back on life support you queens!" Sopko yelled, while skating backwards ever so slowly. "You're all a bunch of gay boys!"
Trailside opened the scoring early in the game on a goal mouth scramble, and continued the onslaught with two more tallies in the opening frame to stake themselves to an early 3-0 lead.
"We just weren't able to generate any offense against these guys," Pat King said, pausing to genuflect as Sopko walked past, stepping on rose petals being cast in front of him by his yellow-belt interns. "Trailside is the best team around. It's impressive we were able to come within four of them. They typically win by touchdowns."
Trailside, who finished with a collective plus/minus of -18, good for sixth overall, continued to flex their offensive muscles in the second period, as they again tallied three quick strikes to extend their lead to 6-0.
"The floodgates were certainly open," Mike D'Ignazio said. "Those guys, it's like they sense the blood in the water. If you give them an inch, you've given them too much. They're the best team in the division. Maybe even all of Dulles."
Continued D'Ignazio, "I know next season there is going to be four divisions. I think they should be bronze, silver, gold, and Trailside. Only when Trailside is in a division by themselves is the world safe from embarrassing losses."
Trailside, which were defeated 12-0 by the Red Army earlier in the season, suffered a brief scare when the Soviets rallied for three quick strikes of their own, but a late goal in the second period to reestablish a four goal cushion solidified their grasp on the game.
"They're all a bunch of queers!" Sopko yelled, as he meticulously completed a three-point turn to evade a defender in the corner. "Ha, suck it!"
The teams traded goals in the third period, and Trailside held onto their four goal advantage and defeated the Red Army 9-5. In the final moments, things began to get chippy. Pat King was taken down in the corner in the waning moments, injuring his knee on the play. Sopko, always thirsty for blood, celebrated the injury, yelling, "Good take down! Yeah, suck it!"
When asked if the comments made by Trailside's captain irked the Soviets, the general consensus was no.
"He is a real leader," Mark Hendricks said. "He does everything a leader should do. His effort is unparalleled. He cheers hard for his team. Every goal they scored, whether it was to make it 6-0 or 9-3, he screamed hard and let his team know how great they are. Plus, anytime one of our guys got hit, he made sure to let us know that we were not as good. It's a very effective style of captaining a team. Granted, we have much different styles, but I hope one day to be as good of a leader as him. He offered to show me one of his seminars, but I imagine they are sold out at least through 2017."
Added Hendricks, "They're the class of the league."
OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES:
- Both quests were completed successfully (more on that later).
- Despite the loss, the Comrades were still able to complete the perfect season, going 13-1 in 14 games.
- Kevin Durkin established a team record with the lowest GAA and GA for a season
THREE STARS
3: We're
2: Not
1: Worthy
Friday, March 16, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
False Alarm
Work has gotten crazy today, so there will be no blogging til after 7 pm.
Empty promises, I make them.
"When the Angels win the pennant, kid."
Catching Up On Monday
There has been a lot happening with Mother Russia in the past two weeks, and regretfully, we have been unable to adequately cover the team. So today, we are going to right the wrongs. We are going to retroactively cover the team with game recaps, include the top five tweets, update the quests, then do it all again for the game last night.
SPOILER ALERT: The Soviets are still undefeated.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The goal is to get an article up every hour, beginning at 11 am. Here is the schedule:
11 am: Red Army/Cryptic Stench Recap
12 pm: Quest 1 update
1 pm: Quest 2 update
2 pm: Top 5 Tweets from Red Army/Cryptic Game
3 pm: Red Army/Shockers Recap
4 pm: Quest 1 update
5 pm: Quest 2 update
6pm: Top 5 Tweets from Red Army/Shockers
Sometime After 7 pm: Stats through 10 games
Sometime after 7 pm (2): Stats through 11 games.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Quest 2.0
The Soviets surrendered three goals on Sunday, meaning they have now given up 19 goals on the year. Here is everything you need to know about the Quest 2.0:
Goals Allowed: 19
Balance of Permissible Goal Bank: 36
Games Remaining: 5
Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 7.2
Status: Totes Probs
Quest Update
With another eight goals on Sunday, the Soviets increased their season total to 75. They are 75% of the way to their goal-goal with a little less than 33% of the season less to play.
Statistics in your face!
Here's how the Quest shakes out:
Goals Scored: 75
Goals Left to be Scored: 25
Games Remaining: 5
Goals Needed Per Game: 5.0
STATUS: The champagne is on ice, I repeat, the champagne is on ice
Monday, February 27, 2012
Niner
The Red Army won again this afternoon, defeating the Puck Ewes 8-3 to improve to 9-0. There will be more coming, but right now it's late and I have to go in early to impress my future boss, whose first day is tomorrow (wooo!).
Yeah, plus, it's the NHL trade deadline, so don't expect a gamer. Maybe a Japers Rink-like ten bullet point article? Yeah? Probably.
Yeah, plus, it's the NHL trade deadline, so don't expect a gamer. Maybe a Japers Rink-like ten bullet point article? Yeah? Probably.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Red Army Remains Perfect with Win Over Trailside
Stefan Sopko, captain of Team Trailside made headlines two months ago when he described the Red Army franchise as "Terrible", "Bronze-league", and "Not fun to play against because the games were never competitive" (insinuating that it was too easy for Trailside). Well, Sunday night, Trailside was handed their most embarrassing loss of the season, as they were downed 12-0 by the Comrades.
Continued Hand, "But we've played some really good hockey already. The fan base is spoiled right now. Seriously. Commend us."
How would you like that crow, Mr. Sopko? Medium? Medium-rare?
With the win, the Soviets improved to 8-0, and moved four points ahead of 2nd place teams Prestige Worldwide and the Puck Ewes.
"It was a pretty good effort by the boys on Sunday," captain Steve Hand told reporters on Tuesday's optional morning skate. "I think we're gelling a bit there and getting better. I think our best hockey is ahead of us."
Continued Hand, "But we've played some really good hockey already. The fan base is spoiled right now. Seriously. Commend us."
Hand netted his second career hat trick on Sunday, scoring three second-period goals en route to the dozen-to-nothing whitewash. He wasn't the only Comrade to score three however. Mike D'Ignazio (four goals) and Pete Collis (three goals) also got tricky on offense.
"Even though I was on defense, I was able to get in the mix offensively by joining the rush," Collis said. Collis, who passed the 10-goal mark with the three tallies, talked about his next ambition. "Getting ten goals, that's something special. But now I have my eyes set on the next feat. Today, I am proud to announce that my newest mission, one which I am confident that I will succeed at, is to be the first Comrade to have 100 assists in a period."
Collis then went into excruciating detail on how he could accomplish his goal.
"First, I'll need one assist. I hope to get that around the eight second mark. Then, I will need a second assist, preferably before the twenty-second mark. I might add, the period for this occurring does not make a difference. Let's just say, this is in the third period. Ok, after my second assist, I would need a third, which would come directly after my second, but before my fourth, mind you. The third assist should occur around the 27 second mark. Now, assist four gets tough, because they are probably going to be guarding me pretty tightly now that they've seen me get three helpers already. For assist four, I'll probably have to use an indirect pass. Perhaps off the boards on a breakout? Yes, probably. That will occur near the 41 second mark."
RAN OUT OF TIME, END OF WORK DAY
Top Five Tweets From Last Nights Game
5: @WaldosHo 3 hat tricks in 1 game and @MarkHendricks18 and@hatrickpartick0 each w/o 1? The Mayans were right!#SovietsTrailside #RedArmy
4: @CraptainedMyPants How about my boy @capsteveo17 with the natural? Usually the only natural he gets is light. #SovietsTrailside#RedArmy
3: @DiggyDiggyBangBang Did Stefan really just keep playing with that broken stick, er, bowstaff? #SovietsTrailside #RedArmy
2: @HurtinForADurkin Two shutouts in one season for The Durk Knight. Can we keep him? #SovietsTrailside #RedArmy
1: @IGotMyItalianGirlfriendPrego I think everyone in attendance tonight heard @jgsimek say "Face Cake" 900 times.#SovietsTrailside #RedArmy
Quest 2.0 Update
With another shut-out last night, not only did the Soviets set a franchise-record for first two-shutout season, they also helped their quest for the sub-four goals against average. Here is how the Quest (version 2.0) is through eight games:
Goals Allowed: 16
Balance of Permissible Goal Bank: 39
Games Remaining: 6
Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 6.5
Status: This is probably going to happen
The Quest Update
It was another productive night for the Soviet offense, as they scored twelve goals en route to a 12-0 whitewash over rivals Team Trailside. With another dozen tacked onto the season total, here is how the quest for 100 stands:
Goals Scored: 67
Goals Remaining to be Scored: 33
Games Remaining: 6
Goals Per Game Needed: 5.5
Status: Incredibly Possible
Soviets Beat Trailside 12-0
It's late and I have to clean up the mess that Pat King made when he Goldie-Loxed my house I have work in the morning. The Comrades improved to 8-0 with a decisive victory over Trailside. Make sure to check out the blog tomorrow for all of your updates, including, but not limited to, the following:
- Updated Stats
- Quest
- Quest 2.0
- Gamer
- Top Five Tweets
PLUS
We forgot to publish Miro's interview with Kevin Durkin. We should probably get around to doing that, eh?
Eh.
- Updated Stats
- Quest
- Quest 2.0
- Gamer
- Top Five Tweets
PLUS
We forgot to publish Miro's interview with Kevin Durkin. We should probably get around to doing that, eh?
Eh.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Power Rankings-- Mid Season Edition
The season is half way over. What better way to celebrate the midway mark than with some Power Rankings? A trip to Vegas? Ok, yes, I suppose that would be better, but you're not going to go to Vegas. You're at work right now and your boss has asked you three times already this quarter why you keep going to that website with a gigantic hammer and sickle.
You're on a watch-list.
But you're here, so let's take a look around the league to see how the teams stack up.
1. Red Army (7-0-0). Seven games, seven wins. The slimmest margin of victory in those seven victories? Three goals (which has occurred three times). They have scored 55 goals (15 more than the second highest scoring team), they have surrendered 16 goals (13 less than the next best team), and their power play and penalty kill are both clicking at ridiculous rates (75% and 86%, respectively). Though they are far from perfect, the other-worldly goaltending by Kevin Durkin has covered up any and all mistakes committed by the Soviets. Suffice it to say, this team looks good. Scary good. This may be the best Red Army squad ever assembled, and that does not bode well for the other six teams.
2. Prestige Worldwide (4-1-2). The defending champions moved into a tie for second place last night with a key victory over the Puck Ewes. Prestige is arguably the fastest team in the division, and their speed coupled with their physicality makes them a force most teams cannot compete with. They suffered their first regulation loss of the season to the hands of the Soviets earlier in the month, but were without two of their more physical players. Without their bruisers, Prestige loses the intimidating charm they carry so proudly.
3. Trailside (3-3-0). This team is this season's "Jeckly and Hyde". When their good players show up, they can beat the best. When their good players don't show up, their outspoken captain makes excuses they struggle to compete. With Celenski in net, they'll have a chance to win, but their offensive prowess is long gone. They are a wildcard.
4. Puck Ewes (5-2-0). The Puck Ewes are a good team... so long as their playing bad teams. They're five wins have come against weaker teams fielding light rosters. They got beat by Prestige and destroyed by the Soviets. Until they can win a big game, they'll be a team hiding behind an inflated record.
5. Cryptic Stench (2-3-2). They get the five spot because they beat the Shockers last night. Their fabled defensive box structure still makes them tough to play against, but like several teams, the goals aren't coming like they used to. They'll hang around the five or six spot all season long, then be poised for an upset in round one.
6. Shockers (3-4-0). They have a good goalie (Durkin), one of the best forwards in the league (Loges), and a solid set of defensemen. But, like the Puck Ewes, they can't beat the big guns. Like the Stench, they'll finish low in the standings, but have "upset alert" written all over them.
7. Cosby Sweaters (0-7-0). The effort is there but the- you know what, it's been said before. They're winless. They won't be forever.
Top Five Tweets From Last Nights Game
Thanks to everyone for tweeting at us during the Cosby Sweaters/Red Army game last night (and for using the #SovietSweater hashtag). We received a record number of tweets. Unfortunately, we can only select our five favorites. Without further ado, here they are:
5. @DiggyDiggyBangBang Watching that powerplay was like hearing two angels have sex on an organ... heavenly #RedArmy#SovietSweater
4: @SameAsJesus Everyone is going to say that @jgsimek didn't score. But guess what, he was playing the post game. #RedArmy#SovietSweater
3: @AbrahamLincolnHatesPlays I think Durkin was dancing during that powerplay. Yes, yes... he definitely was. #RedArmy#SovietSweater
2: @TheGhostofBearCavalry This game isn't really going to end 9-2, is it? We're never going to hear the end of this. #RedArmy#SovietSweater
1: @CheyenneRedArmyFan Was I the only one hoping for Ron to punch @jgsimek in the balls again? #RedArmy #SovietSweater#JabToTheGonads
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