Get Well Soon, Odell

Injured Comrade, Ryan Odell, is set to have surgery today to repair his torn ACL. We here at the RAD wish Comrade Odell a speedy recovery so that he can return where he belongs- the Soviet blue line.

Many fans love him for his defensive reliability. Many more love him for his offensive production. We love him because of some trash talk that occurred two seasons ago that ended with Odell saying, "Oh yeah, well come here and look at my balls."

Get well soon, Comrade.

Updated Stats

Power Rankings

Since we're about a third of the way through the season, we here at the RAD figured it would be time for some Power Rankings. You in? Of course you are. You love Power Rankings. Truth be told, they are your favorite.

So let's begin.

#1: Red Army (4-0-0). Four games, four wins. They have scored 35 goals, which is seven more than the next highest scoring team (Puck Ewes). They have given up only nine goals, which is eight fewer than the next best team (Prestige Worldwide). Their penalty kill is perfect at 100%, their power play is clicking at 67%, they're getting scoring from everyone, and their goalie is stopping just about everything (three of those aforementioned nine goals against were scored into an empty net... by the aforementioned Puck Ewes, mind you). So yes, they're number one right now. And no, it's not really that close.

#2: Prestige Worldwide (2-0-2). It may have been a bit of a championship hangover, but Prestige is looking formidable again. With the same team as last season, these guys are stingy (and physical) on defense. Their speed picks teams apart, and after suffering a pair of OT losses, they picked up a big win yesterday over the Cosby Sweaters. The rematch with the Red Army on February 12 will be a great test for both teams.

#3: Puck Ewes (3-1-0). The team that is a perennial contender is once again, a contender. The Puck Ewes are up to their old tricks of scoring lots of goals. They scored seven, seven, and ten in their first three games. Game four they played the Red Army though. But, that is their only loss so far, so they get third.

#4: Trailside (2-2-0) . This team is a mystery. When they have their good lineup, with the players who helped them win back to back President's Trophies, they are up their with the best, if not the best. When they don't, well, they lose badly. Like all teams, they want their star players to show up. But unlike most teams, they literally just mean at the rink.

#5: Shockers (3-2-0). The Shockers, just like in the past, have one or two offensive stars, a good goalie, and then a lot of players in that medium-skilled level. At 3-2 some might say they are over-achieving, with two of their victories coming in overtime. How they fare this Thursday against the Red Army may show if this squad is a contender or pretender.

#6: Cryptic Stench (1-2-2). Played the Soviets well, but lost. They'll live and die with that box of defense. Right now, they're dying more than they're living.

#7: Cosby Sweaters (0-4-0). Winless. Getting outscored 29-6 so far this season and have yet to score more than three goals in a game. They lost a tough game to PW yesterday when discipline problems did them in. I don't remember Rocky getting beaten up this much.

Comrades Win Defensive Battle with Stench, Remain Unbeaten

The insurance marker was closer than it needed to be. Pat King took a cross crease pass from Mike D'Ignazio and had the entire open net to shoot at, as the Cryptic Stench goalie had anticipated the shot from D'Ignazio and gone down. With the net gaping, King fired a high snap shot that hit the crossbar and narrowly crossed the goal line as it bounced in. The goal, which made the score 3-1 in favor or Red Army with a little over five minutes to play, was the kill shot that had been eluding the Comrades all game long.

"It was good to win this one," King said. "We out-chanced them by a lot, but they were hanging around. So far this season, everything has been going in. It's good to win a game where it's a defensive struggle. You need to win every way you can. It keeps the confidence up."

Added King, "But man, I tell you what, that's a world record for top shelf."

Pete Collis started the scoring in the game, netting a short handed goal on an innocent-looking wrist shot from the high slot. Collis retrieved the puck near his blue line and wound through the neutral zone before gaining the offensive zone and letting a shot go. The puck seemed to handcuff the Stench netminder, and snuck in just beneath the glove.

"That is goal number seven for me this season," Collis said to reporters after the game. "Seven. That's right, seven. Not six. Not three. Seven. As in lucky number seven. Or seven dwarfs. Or seven days in a week."

The goal was Collis' first of the year.

The goal would be the only tally of the frame, as the Comrades finished the first period with a 1-0 lead.

"We were doing a good job on defense," Jason White said. "We limited their shots and [Kevin Durkin] was able to turn away the ones that did come through."

Aaron Duda, who had another steady game on the back-end for Mother Russia, agreed with White's assessment.

"Defense is all about skating. And skating is all about taking care of your skates. Please come to my Help Seminar this Wednesday at 8 pm in Sterling. I'm going to go over all the essentials for skate maintenance, or skate-enance. Like I always say, if you take care of your skates, they'll take care of you."

The Soviets would have several chances to build on their lead in the second period, but were unable to capitalize. Mark Hendricks and D'Ignazio skated a rare shift together and the duo generated a pair of high quality scoring chances, but they couldn't cash in.

Moments later, Hendricks committed a costly turnover in the neutral zone and the Stench evened the score.

"I didn't see the other guy," a visibly shaken Hendricks said. "I just... I just didn't see him. It was dark, there was a lot of noise, and I thought I was going to make it out safe. He came out of nowhere. He came out of nowhere!"

That goal would be the only goal of the middle frame, and the two teams entered the third period locked in a classic Cryptic Stench, Red Army game, tied at one.

"We just had to look at it like a 15 minute game, because essentially, that's what it was," Captain Steve Hand said. "Play our game for 15 minutes and we'd be good. Oh, and I was going to play 12 of those minutes."

Hand scored a goal on the opening shift of the third when he stuffed home a rebound that was left in the crease after Hendricks attempted a wrap around. The goal was Hand's third of the season and gave the Soviets the lead back.

"That goal really got us going," Tony Horton said. "Anytime you get a goal like that early on, it gets you going. I think we were able to build off that. We got stronger as the period went on, and frankfurtely, I don't think they could match us."

They couldn't, and they didn't. The Comrades kept the Stench's remaining few shots to the outside, and when D'Ignazio and King had the two on one, they sealed the deal.

Well, they should have sealed the deal twice.

After King struck to make it a two goal game, the Stench pulled their goalie and D'Ignazio and King had another two on one. With D'Ignazio carrying the puck and the defender playing the pass and conceding the shot into the empty net, D'Ignazio... passed. The pass was intercepted and the Stench had a rush the opposite way.

Luckily for the Comrades, it didn't come back to bite them, as moments later, Hendricks avenged his teammate's egregious mishap by netting an empty netter for himself.

"He owes me," Hendricks said. "He made my mistake look like nothing, right guys? Right guys? Oh come on! Well at least I made the empty netter. I mean, that's a good shot."

"You should have used the points," goaltender Durkin said. "They were wide open."

"So was that net that [D'Ignazio] had. I really think we're letting him off the hook too easily," Hendricks said.

"I don't know what I was thinking," D'Ignazio said. "It's probably because I'm so unselfish. Commend me."

And then they laughed and laughed and laughed.

THREE STARS:

3: Tony Horton

2: Pat King

1: Kevin Durkin

Stats Correction

Pete Collis has seven goals and six assists. It is also his birthday. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you... if you think your stats are wrong, you can only lobby for a change on your birthday.

What's Ahead Today

It's going to be an unproductive day here at the RAD because our beloved intern Miro got his request for US citizenship denied, and every time he gets denied, we throw an office party to lift his spirits.

This is party number seven.

Regardless, between shots of Vodka and pieces of "still-not-a-citizen-cake", we'll try to crank out a few blog posts (but seriously, no promises). We'll try to get tonight's gamer (with quotes and stars, of course) up AND Power Rankings to look at the league through the first one-third... er... one-fourth.... er... two-sevenths, yes, two-sevenths mark.

So keep an eye out for that. If nothing else, we'll litter your Twitter timelines with a few updates.

Quest 2.0 Update

Games Played 4
Games Remaining: 10
Goals Allowed: 9
Goals Left in the Permissible Goal Bank (PGB): 46

The PGB still has a balance of 46. With ten games remaining, it's up to the Comrades to make sure that balance does not reach insufficient funds anytime soon.

Bank jokes, they're trending.

Status: Very Possible (Upgraded from last week's status of "Possible")

Bonus Fact: One third of the goals the Soviets have allowed have been scored on an empty net. Take that to the bank.

Quest for 100 Update

Games Played: 4
Games Remaining: 10
Goals Scored: 35
Goals to be Scored: 65

The Comrades need to average 6.5 goals a game from here on out if they want to get to 100.

Status: Possible (Downgraded from last week's status of "Likely")

Stats Through Four Games

Quest 2.0

Due to public outcry about our penchant for only covering offensive statistical accomplishments, we here at the RAD have decided to throw you "defensive" types out there a bone. Starting today, in addition to covering the Quest for 100, we will also be covering Quest 2.0: The Quest for Not Giving Up 56 Goals.

It's a working title.

Why 56? Well, giving up an average of four goals a game is pretty impressive in roller hockey, and to give up exactly four goals a game over 14 games would amount to 56 goals. But quests don't pursue "pretty impressive" goals, they are in pursuit of "pretty awesome" goals. And guess what? Having a goals against average of under four goals a game is pretty awesome.

Don't think it is? Consider this screenshot of Maxim Magazine's online article entitled "List of Top Ten Pretty Awesome Things".











The defense rests its case.

Surrendering 55 goals on the campaign would bring that average down to 3.93 goals a game, which is certainly worthy of commending, and more importantly, the "Quest" label.

So, to bring you up to date:

Quest 2.0: Not Giving Up 56 Goals
Goals Surrendered Through Three Games: 8
Games Remaining: 11

That would mean, the Soviets are allowed to give up an average of 4.27 goals a game in their remaining 11 contests.

Way to go Comrades, you've earned a margin of error of .34 goals.

Happy now, Andy Schram you easily offended, defensive minded people out there?

Ask a Soviet, Volume 1: Jamie Simek

EDITORS NOTE: We here at the RAD are introducing a new weekly column. Every Friday, RAD intern Miroslav Stana will host an interview with a Soviet player via Skype, and publish the transcript. If you have suggestions for questions for Miroslav to ask, please email him at Miroslav.Stana@redarmydigest.com.

Hello Soviet Land!

My name Miroslav (Miro) Stana. I'm intern Red Army Digest for six years, and finally get chance to blog post. Barry gives me Friday feature of "Ask Soviet", when I ask ten questions at Soviet of Week. This week, Jamie Simek.

Question 1: You play defense, you like?

Simek: Yes, I play defense, and yes I like it. It's obviously not as popular of a position as offense or goalie, where most of the credit is going to go, but playing defense has its rewards. Plus, we've been doing a good job of keeping the puck out of the net this season, so I, or we, take a lot of pride in that.

Question 2: Why no hat trick for you yet?

Simek: Haha, why haven't I scored a hat trick? Well I play defense, so I'm not going to score many goals. I had two in the first game though.

Question 3: Two not three, no?

Simek: Uh, no. Haha, two is not three. Was that really question three?

Question 4: You think one day you score hat trick?

Simek: Haha you really like hat tricks, huh? Maybe. I don't know. Hopefully. But again, I play defense, so it's not really my job.

Question 5: Winter gets cold, you like big jacket or animal hide?

Simek: Well, I don't have much experience with animal hides, so I will say jacket. It hasn't been too cold of a winter yet.

Question 6: This winter compared to winter in Omsk, oh no. You not make compare. Omsk much colder. Like, 65, 70 times colder.

Simek: Haha, yes... I'm sure it is cold. Is that a question too?

Question 7: One day, Red Army says, Jamie Simek, you need play goalie. You play?

Simek: I actually played goalie for the team a few seasons ago. So I'd play. I liked it. It's fun being the goalie, but it's a big work out.

Question 8: You Asian, no? Why?

Simek: Haha, well I am not full Asian, but yes, I am partly Asian. Why? My ancestors were Asian.... I... I don't see how that's a question.

Question 9: Devin Setoguchi and Richard Park, your thoughts?

Simek: Ah, yes, Asian hockey players. Uh, well, good for them. Hopefully there can be more.

Question 10: Your penis?

Simek: Yes? Oh. Oh sure. Hey girl heyyyyy.

Thank you Soviet Land. Email me questions for next week chat. Miro, out! :)))))))))))

Are There Five 10-Goal Scorers on the Red Army?

With all of the buzz surrounding Mother Russia's goal scoring prowess these days, fans and statisticians alike have been debating old offensive records that could be broken this season. The most recent record to earn the concentration of the rabid fan base is another record set by the 2009 Summer Season, who set the franchise record for most 10-goal scorers with four. That season, Mark and Neal Hendricks, Pat King, and Ben Breiterman all netted 10 goals or more (all of them actually netted at least 15, but only the Hendricks brothers reached the 20 goal plateau) as the Soviets enjoyed their most productive offensive season to date.

Could this season's team tie that record? Could they beat it?

Right now, Hendricks leads the team with six goals, then there is a seven-way tie for second most goals on the team with two. Last season, the team only had two 10+ goal scorers (Hendricks had 10, D'Ignazio had 18). You have to imagine those two are likely to crack the 10 goal plateau again. But are there three other 10 goal scorers? Let's look at the most likely candidates.

Pat King. He is one of the seven to have two goals, but he is the only one who has played just one game. In the past few seasons, King has seen a diminishing return with (regular season) offensive production, but a lot of that can be attributed to missing games. With King, attendance is the key. He's a goal-a-game player. If he can make at least 10 games, he'll get there. Eh, we'll even say he can do it in nine. A ten goal scorer? Our prediction: Yes (with a BOLD prediction of 13 goals).

Aaron Duda. The defender tasked with filling the void left by Ryan Odell got on the board on Sunday with a pair of goals. The Red Army has a history replete with offensive defenseman, but most score between six and nine goals. Odell scored nine last season, 7 the season before that, and eight the one prior. Duda's uncanny ability to get shots off leads us to believe he'll get a few more chances than Odell. A ten goal scorer? Our prediction: Yes (with a BOLD prediction of 11 goals)

Steve Hand. The forward has been struggling to find his offensive game for a few seasons, but is off to a good start with two goals in two games. For him, it's all about rebounds, getting to the front, and scoring on rushes. He isn't going to create the opportunities like the other guys on the list may, but he's going to be around the action, and more often than not, on top of the goalie. Hand is going to Ireland in late February and will miss a few games though, so that may hinder his shot. A ten goal scorer? Our prediction: No (with a BOLD prediction of 9 goals).

Pete Collis. The defender turned offenseman turned defender has played in every game so far this season and like several others, has netted two goals. During his tenure with the Red Army, Collis averages a bit under a goal-per-game. A lot of that can be attributed to his play on defense though. Often, with D'Ignazio, Hand, and Hendricks' fairly good attendance, with King is in the lineup, Collis is on defense. Considering that, and the fact that we already predicted King to be a 10 goal scorer, our prediction did not favor Senor NASA. A ten goal scorer? Our prediction: No (with a BOLD prediction of 7 goals).

Tony Horton: Coming off his 24th consecutive "Most Improved Player" award, this season may be the season Horton cracks the 10 goal mark. With two goals in two games this season, he has continued his rate lately, dating back to near the midway mark of last season, of being nearly a goal-per-game player. His ability to join the rush makes him a serious threat in the offensive zone. His lack of a slap shot will hurt him, but we think he'll be able to make due. A ten goal scorer? Our prediction: Yes (with a BOLD prediction of 10 goals).

EDITOR'S NOTE: Jamie Simek and Jason White, fear not, an article focused on a defensive record will be published later this week, and you two will feature prominently in that. Of course, if either of you goes and nets a hat trick on Sunday, you'll make me look quite foolish.

So, we here at the RAD are saying this team has five 10-goal scorers. D'Ignazio, Duda, Hendricks, Horton, and King. Agree? Disagree?

EDITOR'S NOTE 2: I really like making bold predictions. I think there should be a weekly column called "Bold Predictions". Yes, yes I think there should be a column indeed.

No' Goalie, No' Problems

On Sunday afternoon, Kevin Durkin got the phone call he had waited for his whole life. The self-proclaimed Pool-Boy Extraordinaire was finishing up his shift at work when his phone rang, and Red Army Alternate Captain Mark Hendricks was on the other line.

"Where are you?" Hendricks asked Durkin.

"I'm at work."

"Can you play today? We have a game."

"I'm in. What time?"

"Kid, you got three minutes."

"I'll be there in two."

"Really?"

"No. Sorry, got caught up in the moment. Felt like a movie scene there," Durkin said. "But I can be there in fifteen."

And fifteen minutes later, he was. But in those elapsed fifteen minutes, the first period was played, and somehow, someway, playing with five skaters and without a goalie, the Comrades outscored the Puck Ewes 4-3.

"I'm not really sure how that happened," Captain Steve Hand said. "We out-hustled them and we were smart with the puck. Plus we blocked a lot of shots."

Jason White, who finished with a team high seven blocked shots, six of which came in the opening frame, talked about the importance of team defense.

"[Expletive] Stefan Sopko," White said.

Hendricks and Mike D'Ignazio supplied the offense in the opening frame. Hendricks struck three times while D'Ignazio tallied on a mini-breakaway.

"The way the offense is clicking right now, even without a goalie, there is the belief that we can out score teams," defenseman Jamie Simek said. "Plus, we're proving we still have that commitment to defense. It's a dangerous duo, like gasoline and fire, or pole dancing and senior citizens. People get hurt."

When Durkin did arrive, and things returned to normal, the Comrades continued their relentless puck pursuit and flexed their offensive muscles.

Hand converted a two-on-one break with Hendricks to push the lead to 5-3. Immediately following that, Pete Collis buried a D'Ignazio feed on another two-on-one.

"We have a higher conversion rate than the Mormon church," D'Ignazio said. "Bazing! Boom, God roasted!"

D'Ignazio struck again later in the period as did Aaron Duda, who netted his first goal as a Comrade. Despite a late goal by the Puck Ewes to end the frame, the game had lost its competitive charm entering the third period.

"It's good we're winning right now, but we can be better." Pete Collis say. "That being said, I should probably stay on offense though. I mean look at the Quest! Look at the Quest!"

Duda tacked on his second of the game in the third, a marker which came on the power play, and the Soviets were able to skate away with an impressive 10-4 victory.

"Playing them is always a measuring stick," Hendricks said. "And right now, our dicks are bigger."

THREE STARS:

3: Jason White

2: Mike D'Ignazio

1: Aaron Duda

OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES:

- Pat King missed his second game this season because he had to sell cars. The forward was unavailable for comment however as he was greasing his hair back and deciding what bad tie to wear.

- Durkin has now allowed just one goal in the last five periods of play. "I'm seeing the puck well, I definitely feel it. Plus, first periods are over rated."

- Hendricks is off to the best start in his career, with 20 points through three games. The forward's best point total came in early 2010 when he reached 65 points. Asked if he thought it was possible, Hendricks said, "Whoa, one quest at a time, pal."

- Duda was not available to reporters after the game, as he was too busy cleaning his skates.

QUEST FOR 100

The Comrades continued their torrid goal-scoring pace this afternoon, defeating the Puck Ewes 10-4. That 10, added to the 21 goals they had scored in their first two games, brings the season total to 31 goals. Here's how "The Quest" breaks down:

Goals Scored: 31
Goals Needed for 100: 69
Games Remaining: 11

So, 69 goals in 11 games. For you math-challenged out there, that would mean the Comrades need to score a fraction more than six goals a game.

It's possible. Very possible.

Stats Through Three Games

Quest for 100

Only one team in Red Army franchise history has scored 100 goals during the regular season. That team was the 2009 Summer Season Red Army, who tallied 109 goals. Two Hendricks brothers (Mark and Neal) and Ben Breiterman each scored at least twenty goals, and the supporting cast (which had a lot of firepower in its own right) chipped in with the rest to reach the century mark.

It is early, but could the 2012 Winter Season Red Army team be the second squad to reach the 100 mark?

"That would certainly be something," Mark Hendricks said after today's optional practice. "It's tough, and you have to throw out games like last night. We normally score five, six goals against those guys. They were short. This team is built more on defense. Last season we gave up the second fewest goals. Defense wins championships. The team that beat us was the team that gave up the fewest. Scoring is nice, but defending is sexier."

Added Hendricks. "But damn, 100 would be pretty sexy too."

Through two games, the Soviets have scored 21 goals. They currently boast top spot in both highest amount of goals scored and fewest surrendered. If there were to keep up their torrid pace of scoring 10.5 goals per game, they would demolish the '09 record with 147, but the consensus around the locker room is that it won't be happening.

"Ten goals a game would be great," Jamie Simek said. "But that's not our style. Maybe if we have one or two more 12, 13 goal nights and have the rest of our games be our average of five or six or seven goals, we might be able to do it. It's too early though. Ask me again after six or seven games."

Right now, with 21 goals scored, the Soviets have 12 games to score 79 (they need to average 6.58 goals their final 12 games to finish with 100). So, fans of Mother Russia, is it possible? Or will this fun ride too be demolished by a proverbial Tom Brady?

Stats Through Two Games

Soviets Given the Day Off

Red Army coach Sergei Trotz-Stalin cancelled today's practice to give his players an extra day of rest this week. Some of the Comrades were seen around the Yoo-Hoo practice facility doing light workouts or video sessions, but none of the players laced up the skates.

"I don't have skates," Pat King said. "Mine broke."

Continued King, "Plus, I come to Y.H.P.F. anytime I need to cure a hangover. Is this a henna? Oh God please tell me this is a henna."

Update: Stefan Sopko Trial Enters 8th Day

Media outlets from around the country have parked their vans outside of the Loudoun County District Courthouse awaiting to hear the results of the Stefan Sopko trial. The case, which began last Monday, entered its eighth day today and at this point, no one is able to predict an outcome.

"It could really go either way," legal analyst Harry Goldman told CNN. "At this point, with more and more witnesses coming out of the woodwork, the cards seem to be stacked against Mr. Sopko. Yet somehow, his unrelenting, seemingly incoherent rants at times, have rebuked some of the prosecutors claims."

Goldman added, "I have never seen a trial like this."

As many know, Sopko was charged last August with four counts of operating a Connect-Five ring out of a bathroom in Newark, New Jersey. At the time, many thought the charges were egregious and would be dropped, given Sopko's notoriety of being a family man with "serious issues with gay things". But after seventeen children came forward, Sopko was indicted.

"I think you will see these charges are false," Sopko said in a written statement released last Thursday. "These kids need to get off their knees and stop blowing things. They're a bunch of queens. A lot of girly boys who have no idea what is to be a real man. Neck chop."

Sopko's defense attorney, Sensei Che-hoo, is also confident that the claims made against his client will ultimately be dropped.

"My client is innocent. His name, though being dragged through the mud now, shall emerge as clean as the winter snow. He must summon his inner chi to withstand these attacks."

Continued Che-hoo, "In the event that he is guilty however, I will have an opening in my rape-safety class on Tuesday and Thursday nights this February. It runs for four weeks and is great for women between 16 and 50. Remember, there is no shame in attacking an attacker's bean bag. No shame."

For now, as more and more witnesses take the stand, all the public can do is wait for a verdict.

"He seemed like a nice guy," said arresting officer Douglas Grant. "He didn't put up a fight, but he did tell us about 70 times on the drive to the jail that if he really wanted, he could break out of the handcuffs with one quick move. Those things are made of steel. I don't care how old your martial art is, you ain't breaking out of those things."

Stats Through One Game (Revised)

Red Army Beats Trailside Again

Well, the grudge match is over. Nearly a month after the Soviets ousted team Trailside from the playoffs, Trailside got their rematch. The result? Another 8-4 win for the Comrades. Whether or not this will quell the comment-posting machine Stefan Sopko or not remains to be seen, but this much is known: he'll need more than his international conglomerate of leaders to beat Mother Russia.

"I think this one meant a little more," Mark Hendricks said, when asked about the importance of tonight's game. "Obviously it's a long season, and you want to win as many as you can, but yeah, with all of the stuff that was happening between these two teams lately, I think it got us a little more amped."

Hendricks, who finished with three goals and three assists, was not about to declare the Red Army early favorites to win the division.

"We played incredibly sloppy. [Pat King] and I took a while to get going. We didn't generate many opportunities. I thought defensively we were pretty good, but there was a lot of rust. The next time these two teams play each other, both teams will be much better."

Hendricks started the scoring midway through the first period with a power play goal. After Hendricks won the face off back to King at the point, the forward found space to receive a pass to one-time. King passed the puck along the point to Tony Horton, and Horton found Hendricks for the one-timer which beat Chris Celenski moving post-to-post.

"It wasn't that good of a shot," King said. "He shanked it."

"But I shanked it top shelf," Hendricks said.

"You can't brag about shanks," King said. "You just can't. Man law."

King would increase the lead to 2-0 near the end of the opening frame after he tucked a backhand past Celenski on a breakaway.

Early in the second period though, the 2-0 lead was relinquished after back to back turnovers cost the Soviets.

"We got a little sloppy in the neutral zone," Jason White said. "Luckily though, I'm a Giants fan, so I can take solace in my team moving on to play Green Bay."

White then began tearing up before continuing.

"Actually no... I'm... I'm a Jets fan. Our season ended in October."

Immediately after surrendering the game-tying goal, the Soviets stormed right back to reclaim the lead. Birthday-Boy Tony Horton took a Mike D'Ignazio pass and fired a snap shot top shelf from the high slot.

"It was a good pass from [D'Ignazio]," Horton said. "I think we did a good job of joining the play today, the defense I mean, and it really opened things up."

Moments later, Steve Hand would strip a Trailside defender of the puck near center and score on a breakaway.

"Top cheddar baby," Hand said. "Top. Cheddar."

King and Horton would each add their seconds of the game to make it 6-2, but a late Trailside tally to close out the middle stanza made the score 6-3 heading into the third.

"We definitely wanted to keep things tight," Jamie Simek said. "For sure they were going to come at us. But we just had to keep doing what we were doing. By the way, I lead the team in aerodynamics. Look at my back."

Simek then removed his shirt and showed everyone the waxing he had had performed on his back over the weekend.

"We won't start planning for next weekend," Simek said, in that Simek way.

Hendricks scored on a breakaway to increase the lead to 7-3 early in the third. Then, after Trailside had scored to make it 7-4, Hendricks completed the hat trick with a one-timer from a deflected Horton pass.

"It was one of those fluke bounces that went right to me before the goalie could react," Hendricks said. "But I'll take them anyway they come. Plus, Celenski talks a lot of [trash]."


OTHER NOTES AND QUOTES:
- Aaron Duda made his Red Army debut tonight. He also showcased his impressive collection of cups in his equipment bag. "What? You don't have seven extra cups in your bag?" Duda said. "Well, what does that say about you? It says you don't take genitalia protection seriously."

- Kevin Durkin continued his solid play in the Soviet net. He was unavailable for comment following the game however, as he had to tend net for the Shockers/tend to twosies in the girl's pool locker room.

- Mike D'Ignazio was frustrated from his beloved Steelers losing, and also declined to comment. Well, he did comment, but only about his hair cut. "I really wanted to get it short, I think it looks pretty good." When asked about his lack of power play time, D'Ignazio continued, "I'm definitely going to save money on shampoo, that's for sure."

- Pete Collis, who drove home from Hawaii earlier that day (yes), was credited with a team-high four blocked shots. "With [Ryan Odell] out for the year, we'll all have to step up in the department." Collis then added, "It's a good thing I wear four cups on each leg."

THREE STARS:
3: Jamie Simek
2: Pat King
1: Tony Horton

ONE FINAL NOTE
The Dulles Sportsplex will no longer be referred to as "the Plex" when team Trailside plays the Red Army. It will instead be referred to as the Dojo.

Stats Through One Game

New Season Starts Tonight

The Soviets lace the skates up tonight for the first time in the Winter 2012 season. They'll face-off against new rivals Trailside at 9 pm. We'll update the blog later tonight with a post-gamer.

Come on Comrades, don't go back on life support!

End of Playoffs Stats