Quest 2.0

The Soviets surrendered three goals on Sunday, meaning they have now given up 19 goals on the year. Here is everything you need to know about the Quest 2.0:

Goals Allowed: 19

Balance of Permissible Goal Bank: 36

Games Remaining: 5

Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 7.2

Status: Totes Probs

Quest Update

With another eight goals on Sunday, the Soviets increased their season total to 75. They are 75% of the way to their goal-goal with a little less than 33% of the season less to play.

Statistics in your face!

Here's how the Quest shakes out:

Goals Scored: 75

Goals Left to be Scored: 25

Games Remaining: 5

Goals Needed Per Game: 5.0

STATUS: The champagne is on ice, I repeat, the champagne is on ice

Niner

The Red Army won again this afternoon, defeating the Puck Ewes 8-3 to improve to 9-0. There will be more coming, but right now it's late and I have to go in early to impress my future boss, whose first day is tomorrow (wooo!).

Yeah, plus, it's the NHL trade deadline, so don't expect a gamer. Maybe a Japers Rink-like ten bullet point article? Yeah? Probably.

Stats Through Nine Games

Red Army Remains Perfect with Win Over Trailside

Stefan Sopko, captain of Team Trailside made headlines two months ago when he described the Red Army franchise as "Terrible", "Bronze-league", and "Not fun to play against because the games were never competitive" (insinuating that it was too easy for Trailside). Well, Sunday night, Trailside was handed their most embarrassing loss of the season, as they were downed 12-0 by the Comrades.

How would you like that crow, Mr. Sopko? Medium? Medium-rare?

With the win, the Soviets improved to 8-0, and moved four points ahead of 2nd place teams Prestige Worldwide and the Puck Ewes.

"It was a pretty good effort by the boys on Sunday," captain Steve Hand told reporters on Tuesday's optional morning skate. "I think we're gelling a bit there and getting better. I think our best hockey is ahead of us."

Continued Hand, "But we've played some really good hockey already. The fan base is spoiled right now. Seriously. Commend us."

Hand netted his second career hat trick on Sunday, scoring three second-period goals en route to the dozen-to-nothing whitewash. He wasn't the only Comrade to score three however. Mike D'Ignazio (four goals) and Pete Collis (three goals) also got tricky on offense.

"Even though I was on defense, I was able to get in the mix offensively by joining the rush," Collis said. Collis, who passed the 10-goal mark with the three tallies, talked about his next ambition. "Getting ten goals, that's something special. But now I have my eyes set on the next feat. Today, I am proud to announce that my newest mission, one which I am confident that I will succeed at, is to be the first Comrade to have 100 assists in a period."

Collis then went into excruciating detail on how he could accomplish his goal.

"First, I'll need one assist. I hope to get that around the eight second mark. Then, I will need a second assist, preferably before the twenty-second mark. I might add, the period for this occurring does not make a difference. Let's just say, this is in the third period. Ok, after my second assist, I would need a third, which would come directly after my second, but before my fourth, mind you. The third assist should occur around the 27 second mark. Now, assist four gets tough, because they are probably going to be guarding me pretty tightly now that they've seen me get three helpers already. For assist four, I'll probably have to use an indirect pass. Perhaps off the boards on a breakout? Yes, probably. That will occur near the 41 second mark."

RAN OUT OF TIME, END OF WORK DAY

Top Five Tweets From Last Nights Game

5: @WaldosHo 3 hat tricks in 1 game and @MarkHendricks18 and@hatrickpartick0 each w/o 1? The Mayans were right!#SovietsTrailside #RedArmy

4: @CraptainedMyPants How about my boy @capsteveo17 with the natural? Usually the only natural he gets is light. #SovietsTrailside#RedArmy

3: @DiggyDiggyBangBang Did Stefan really just keep playing with that broken stick, er, bowstaff? #SovietsTrailside #RedArmy

2: @HurtinForADurkin Two shutouts in one season for The Durk Knight. Can we keep him? #SovietsTrailside #RedArmy

1: @IGotMyItalianGirlfriendPrego I think everyone in attendance tonight heard @jgsimek say "Face Cake" 900 times.#SovietsTrailside #RedArmy

Quest 2.0 Update

With another shut-out last night, not only did the Soviets set a franchise-record for first two-shutout season, they also helped their quest for the sub-four goals against average. Here is how the Quest (version 2.0) is through eight games:

Goals Allowed: 16

Balance of Permissible Goal Bank: 39

Games Remaining: 6

Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 6.5

Status: This is probably going to happen

The Quest Update

It was another productive night for the Soviet offense, as they scored twelve goals en route to a 12-0 whitewash over rivals Team Trailside. With another dozen tacked onto the season total, here is how the quest for 100 stands:

Goals Scored: 67

Goals Remaining to be Scored: 33

Games Remaining: 6

Goals Per Game Needed: 5.5

Status: Incredibly Possible

Stats Through Eight Games

Soviets Beat Trailside 12-0

It's late and I have to clean up the mess that Pat King made when he Goldie-Loxed my house I have work in the morning. The Comrades improved to 8-0 with a decisive victory over Trailside. Make sure to check out the blog tomorrow for all of your updates, including, but not limited to, the following:

- Updated Stats
- Quest
- Quest 2.0
- Gamer
- Top Five Tweets

PLUS
We forgot to publish Miro's interview with Kevin Durkin. We should probably get around to doing that, eh?

Eh.

Power Rankings-- Mid Season Edition

The season is half way over. What better way to celebrate the midway mark than with some Power Rankings? A trip to Vegas? Ok, yes, I suppose that would be better, but you're not going to go to Vegas. You're at work right now and your boss has asked you three times already this quarter why you keep going to that website with a gigantic hammer and sickle.

You're on a watch-list.

But you're here, so let's take a look around the league to see how the teams stack up.

1. Red Army (7-0-0). Seven games, seven wins. The slimmest margin of victory in those seven victories? Three goals (which has occurred three times). They have scored 55 goals (15 more than the second highest scoring team), they have surrendered 16 goals (13 less than the next best team), and their power play and penalty kill are both clicking at ridiculous rates (75% and 86%, respectively). Though they are far from perfect, the other-worldly goaltending by Kevin Durkin has covered up any and all mistakes committed by the Soviets. Suffice it to say, this team looks good. Scary good. This may be the best Red Army squad ever assembled, and that does not bode well for the other six teams.

2. Prestige Worldwide (4-1-2). The defending champions moved into a tie for second place last night with a key victory over the Puck Ewes. Prestige is arguably the fastest team in the division, and their speed coupled with their physicality makes them a force most teams cannot compete with. They suffered their first regulation loss of the season to the hands of the Soviets earlier in the month, but were without two of their more physical players. Without their bruisers, Prestige loses the intimidating charm they carry so proudly.

3. Trailside (3-3-0). This team is this season's "Jeckly and Hyde". When their good players show up, they can beat the best. When their good players don't show up, their outspoken captain makes excuses they struggle to compete. With Celenski in net, they'll have a chance to win, but their offensive prowess is long gone. They are a wildcard.

4. Puck Ewes (5-2-0). The Puck Ewes are a good team... so long as their playing bad teams. They're five wins have come against weaker teams fielding light rosters. They got beat by Prestige and destroyed by the Soviets. Until they can win a big game, they'll be a team hiding behind an inflated record.

5. Cryptic Stench (2-3-2). They get the five spot because they beat the Shockers last night. Their fabled defensive box structure still makes them tough to play against, but like several teams, the goals aren't coming like they used to. They'll hang around the five or six spot all season long, then be poised for an upset in round one.

6. Shockers (3-4-0). They have a good goalie (Durkin), one of the best forwards in the league (Loges), and a solid set of defensemen. But, like the Puck Ewes, they can't beat the big guns. Like the Stench, they'll finish low in the standings, but have "upset alert" written all over them.

7. Cosby Sweaters (0-7-0). The effort is there but the- you know what, it's been said before. They're winless. They won't be forever.

Top Five Tweets From Last Nights Game

Thanks to everyone for tweeting at us during the Cosby Sweaters/Red Army game last night (and for using the #SovietSweater hashtag). We received a record number of tweets. Unfortunately, we can only select our five favorites. Without further ado, here they are:

5. @DiggyDiggyBangBang Watching that powerplay was like hearing two angels have sex on an organ... heavenly #RedArmy#SovietSweater

4: @SameAsJesus Everyone is going to say that @jgsimek didn't score. But guess what, he was playing the post game. #RedArmy#SovietSweater

3: @AbrahamLincolnHatesPlays I think Durkin was dancing during that powerplay. Yes, yes... he definitely was. #RedArmy#SovietSweater

2: @TheGhostofBearCavalry This game isn't really going to end 9-2, is it? We're never going to hear the end of this. #RedArmy#SovietSweater

1: @CheyenneRedArmyFan Was I the only one hoping for Ron to punch @jgsimek in the balls again? #RedArmy #SovietSweater#JabToTheGonads

Soviets Unravel Cosby Sweaters, Finish First Half of Season Perfect

There's a point in each game where one team asserts itself over the other and takes control. It can happen in the first period. It can happen in overtime. For the Soviets, that moment came late in the first period, when Mike D'Ignazio and Mark Hendricks scored two minutes apart to take a two goal lead into the first intermission. The wind was out of the Sweaters' sails, and their strong start was a distant memory.

"Yeah, for sure the end of that opening period was big," Jamie Simek said after the game. "I mean, it was 1-1 at the time and we were struggling to get shots. Those two quick goals, like bing, bang, boom, were huge."

"Like Bing Bang Boom Shrimp," D'Ignazio added.

"Dude, no. We are not using that. It is not cool," Simek said.

"Bing Bang Boom Shrimp it is," D'Ignazio said.

"I retract our high five from earlier regarding that waitress not hitting on [Hendricks]"

EDITOR'S NOTE: She wanted it

The game got off to a shaky start for the Comrades, who surrendered the first goal near the midway mark of the first. The Sweaters were able to capitalize on a dropped backchecking assignment by Hendricks and score on a rush.

"Definitely my bad," Hendricks said. "I'm still getting my lungs back, been sick all week. I was sick tonight. Am I right? Guys? See what I did there? Oh come on!"

The Soviets tied it a few moments later when Simek took a feed from D'Ignazio and struck... the crossbar.

"It definitely hit flush on the bar," D'Ignazio said. "But our guys put their arms up and the ref, well, he gave in to the peer pressure. No complaints."

Tony Horton, captain of the Sweaters, was furious about the call.

"[Long series of expletives] serious? I mean, you have to be a [long series of expletives] with a xylophone up your [expletive] and you are going to [expletive] say that the puck went in? I swear, sometimes I think the refs are a bunch of [long series of German expletives] rabbits."

Continued Horton, "Fuck!"

D'Ignazio tallied with a little over three minutes remaining in the first to give the Comrades the lead. He took a feed from Hendricks and one-timed the puck five hole.

Two minutes later, Hendricks dug the puck out of the corner and did his patented stuff-attempt, jamming the puck behind goaltender Ron Whaley to extend the lead to 3-1.

"That stuff attempt is golden," Steve Hand said, before wheezing and laughing like a creepy 93 year old man.

In the second period, the Comrades began to pull away. Hendricks and D'Ignazio alternated tallies again to push the lead to 5-1. The Cosby Sweaters scored late in the period to make it 5-2, but another Hendricks tally, this time on a breakaway, all but sealed the deal as the game entered the third period.

"We were pretty sure we were going to win at that point," D'Ignazio said. "I was actually talking to [Jason White] on the bench about having to use the bathroom. Well, he had to use it. He said he was pretty close to, you know..."

"If I shit my pants, I shit my pants," White said.

In the third, the Soviets would score the prettiest goal of the game, and arguably season, on the power play. With Simek at the front of the net, Hendricks and D'Ignazio along the half walls, and Pat King at the point, the Sweater penalty kill unit was nothing more than a threesome of spectators. In less than a minute, Hendricks had a shot hit the side of the net, D'Ignazio hit the crossbar, and all four touched the puck multiple times. Eventually, after Simek retrieved a loose puck and sent it back to D'Ignazio. D'Ignazio fed King and King sent it right back. D'Ignazio sent a slap pass to Hendricks, who bluffed a shot before firing the puck back through the seam to D'Ignazio for a one-time blast that beat Whaley.

"I also need a new pair of pants," Hendricks said. "But for a much different reason."

Hendricks then looked around the room before continuing.

"I ejaculated in my pants. Get it? Oh come on! Guys, get it? Come on? Oh come on!"

Hendricks would tack on two more in the third as the Soviets added a few more nails to the coffin. Still, with all the Soviet firepower, they did still have lapses in defense, and just like every other game this season, Kevin Durkin was there to bail the team out. The goalie made save after save, sometimes on pucks he didn't even see, to preserve the lead. He was the primary reason the game was as lopsided as it was.

"I'm pretty happy with the performance so far," Durkin said, pausing to talk to reporters while loading his equipment into his minivan. "Tonight was interesting, because we had the puck most of the time, so I had to stay focused. To do so, I made sure to sing along to the dodgeball songs. You know, keep my rhythm."

Durkin then broke out into a seven minute acapella performance of Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain".

"She touches my soul," Durkin said. "She also touches soul food. Lay off the chicken waffles, girl."

THREE STARS:

3: Pat King
2: Kevin Durkin
1: Jamie Simek

Quest 2.0

Kevin Durkin was Kevin Durkin tonight, so Quest 2.0 is alive and well. The Soviets surrendered only two goals, bringing their season total up to 16. Here is how Quest 2.0 breaks down:

Goals Allowed: 16
Balance in the Permissible Goal Bank: 40
Games Remaining: 7
Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 5.71

Status: This Might Actually Happen

Quest for 100

Alright Comrades,

It was a productive night for the Soviets. They tacked on another nine goals tonight to bring the season total to 55. Here is how the Quest breaks down:

Goals Scored: 55
Goals Remaining to be Scored: 45
Games Remaining: 7
Goals Per Game Average Needed: 6.43

Status: Cautious Optimism

Stats Through Seven Games

Stats Through Six Games (Updated for White's PIMS)

How 'Bout That Prediction? Seriously, How 'Bout It?

We predicted the score would be 9-2. Remember? We do. Well, guess what? The score was 9-2. I mean, really? Seriously? We are so hot right now.

Commend us.

Commend us now.

A True Over-Dog Story

Society today is obsessed with the underdog. People don't want a consistent winner, no, they want a loser that wins. They want a story about a team or a person that is down on their luck, and after being nearly irrelevant, defies all odds and summons the courage and fortitude to come out on top.

Well you know what? It's a stupid infatuation and I'm sick of it.

Look at the latest craze sweeping the nation-- this "Linsanity" nonsense. Everyone wants to talk about how good he is and how he has resurrected the entire New York Knicks organization and how he came out of nowhere. Came out of nowhere? Golden State and Houston aren't exactly nowhere. Yes, he played in both of those cities as well, and by all accounts, he totally sucked.

"But he's the guy no one expected to help the team win! It's an amazing story!" Of course no one expected him to do anything after averaging a paltry 2.6 points per game at Golden State. That's right, 2.6 points. In other words, he averaged a little more than a basket each game (so long as said basket wasn't a three-pointer). All I'm saying is if all of a sudden you or I became an all-star at our job and became more productive than we had ever been before, our boss wouldn't be commending us and telling us how good we are. No, we'd be asked why this wasn't happening before.

Then we'd be fired and have to Linterview for other jobs.

But people love it. They love the story. Even Hollywood loves stories about the underdog. Quick, think of a movie about a sports team winning a championship. I bet that team didn't enter the playoffs as the number one seed. In fact, I bet that team was pretty terrible for most of the movie.

Hoosiers, Miracle, Major League, The Mighty Ducks... the list goes on. The only sports movie I can think about a team going undefeated is "Remember the Titans". Hollywood still made it seem like they were underdogs though, because they had black players on their team in a league that was all white.

I'm not sure having a better run game than every other team makes you an underdog, Hollywood.

Hollywood should make a real sports movie. They should call it, "The 2011-2012 Columbus Blue Jackets". It would be a great story. It would be about a team that is absolutely terrible at hockey, gets worse as the season goes on, in February trades away their only good players, and ends the season with the worst record. During the season the players fight in the locker room and the coach develops a drinking problem. Plus, their fan base diminishes and the owner thinks about moving the franchise to Quebec.

Now that's some cinema! Two adults and one child, please.

Tonight, another story gets the dubious "David vs. Goliath" label when the Cosby Sweaters (David, or in this case, David's effeminate brother Carson) face the Red Army (Golaith, or in this case, Goliath's older brother Talonzor) at 6:00 pm.

Yes, it's a true Carson vs. Talonzor story.

"Anything can happen in these games," Soviet captain Steve Hand said to reporters after this morning's brief practice. "They play us tight every time. We can't let the records fool us. They are better than an 0-6 team."

"I haven't scored against them ever," Mark Hendricks said. "So as far as I am concerned, they're the best around."

Ah, the politically correct interviews. The ones where the guys on the good team talk about how good the bad team is, and the guys on the bad team talk about how they're not intimidated by the guys on the good team.

"Anything can happen in these games," Cosby Sweaters captain Tony Horton said. "I think we've turned a corner lately. These guys are beatable."

"I think we are 2-2 against them all time, so I expect a close game," Cosby Sweaters forward Ted Shaffer said. "I think people will be surprised."

Look, the Cosby Sweaters have a work ethic second-to-none. They routinely out-hustle teams and use their hard work to generate scoring chances. But the Red Army is a defensive monster. Since the season opener against Trailside, Kevin Durkin has allowed just seven goals in five games. Those numbers make Tim Thomas gush. The Soviets are no offensive slouch either. They've scored 38 goals in that same five game span.

I'm not saying that the Cosby Sweaters winning is impossible. I'm just saying it won't happen.

BOLD PREDICTION

Red Army 9, Cosby Sweaters 2

[And yes, this is definitely bulletin board material for all the readers over at www.stinkysweater.blogspot.com)

Another First for the Digest

Earlier today, we posted the 20th blog post of the month for February. This marks the first time in the four-plus year blog history that we have had back to back to back 20+ post months.

You're welcome, kids.

What to watch for tonight: Updated stats to reflect Jason White's PIMS

What to watch for tomorrow: Power Rankings, Pregamer (OMG!) for tomorrow's tilt with the Cosby Sweaters

What to watch for Friday: Updated Stats, Quest Update, Quest 2.0 Update, Gamer, Miro interview with Kevin Durkin

Another Team Joins the Blogosphere

Check out the Cosby Sweater's blog here: http://stinkysweater.blogspot.com/

But then come back to ours.

We knew you first.

All Star Game Voting

With fan balloting well under way for this season's All Star Game, it is becoming clear that a few Soviets are popular around the league. As of right now, three of the top five players in votes are Red Army players.

Pat King leads all voting with 324,383 votes. Second is Kevin Durkin with 300,009 and injured defenseman Ryan Odell garnered the fifth highest total with 243,490 votes. The Shockers Steve Loges and Cosby Sweaters Kevin Ahearn are third and fourth respectively.

"It's a big honor," King told reporters after practice on Wednesday. "Obviously Ryan and my aggressive marketing campaign worked."

King was referring to the ad he and Odell ran during the SuperBowl two weeks ago. The ad, which was 30 seconds long, featured King and Odell jumping out of a plane. On their descent to the Earth, the two are seated at a table and eat a four course meal while a waiter, who appears out of no where, serves them. Just before hitting the ground, Odell opens his parachute and disappears off screen while the camera follows King, who is still seated at the table drinking wine. The table and King hit the ground, but both remain completely unharmed, as King continues sipping his wine, seemingly unfazed by the impact. Moments later, Odell floats down on his parachute, holding with him two beautiful women as he lands perfectly in his chair. King then turns to the camera and says, "Real man don't panic. Real men use Irish Spring deodorant." The commercial then ends with Odell asking Billingsly, the waiter, for "two more chairs... and a lot more wine."

Durkin was voted in for his performance in net.

Other Comrades receiving votes:

8: Jamie Simek (103,293)

12: Aaron Duda (99,938)

13: Mike D'Ignazio (99, 219)

32: Jason White (64, 202)

49: Tony Horton (47, 291)*

64: Steve Hand (24, 306)

88: Mark Hendricks (18, 118)

95: Pete Collis (1)

* Tony Horton actually earned another 101,293 votes as a member of the Cosby Sweaters

Soviets Win Grudge Match, Improve to 6-0

Mark Hendricks scored two goals less than five minutes apart to help the Soviets turn a 2-1 deficit into a 3-2 lead late in the second period on Sunday. The Comrades, thanks to stout defense and another stellar outing by Kevin Durkin in goal, would not surrender another goal, and would tack on two tallies in the third to win their sixth straight game and set a franchise record for their best start to a season.

"We're rolling right now," Hendricks said. "This is a good team we have here. We're developing good habits and playing solid hockey. I don't think we've ever had a team that could score and keep pucks out of the net so well. I'm no doctor, but that is a winning combination."

"I am a doctor, and that is a winning combination," Pat King said. King, who did not play because of a prior obligation involving the sale of Jeep Grand Cherokees, did say he was proud of his teammates.

"We really showed we have the best front end tourque in our class," King said, as he slicked his hair back with gel and fastened his garish tie.

Prestige Worldwide picked up on Sunday's game where they left off in their Jenkins Cup series against the Red Army:--with power play prowess. The Prestigious Ones scored a power play goal after Jason White was assessed a two minute penalty for tripping.

"I'm not sure that was a penalty," White said. "I mean... [expletive], he stepped on my stick." White, who in a pregame interview talked about how excited he was to get more playing time, was not pleased when a reporter asked if more playing time equated to more penalties for the defender.

"You think that's a good question? Huh? Pal I'm asking you. You [expletive] think that's a good question you ignorant piece of [expletive]. Tell you what, next time you write some fluff piece on some [expletive] town in bum[expletive] America who baked the world's biggest [expletive] Cheesecake, I'll ask you, hey pal, 'You think this is a good story?' Cause it ain't. You're a [expletive] reporter, a [expletive] writer, and a [expletive] father. That's right, I'm calling out your fathering skills you [female hygienic device]."

The Soviets were able to tie the game later in the first after a defensive lapse afforded the Comrades a two-on-zero rush. Mike D'Ignazio carried the puck in on Prestige goalie Sean Hanley as Tony Horton crept back door. With Hanley forced to respect the pass, D'Ignazio was able to fire a snap shot five hole on Hanley to tie the game.

"Always feels good to score against your old team," D'Ignazio said. "It feels really good. Oh, oh god it feels good." D'Ignazio then began breathing deeply, and everyone in the room, feeling awkward, left.

Early in the second period, Prestige reclaimed the lead after they pinned the Soviets deep in their own zone. A high rising shot from the low slot beat Durkin top shelf.

"We got caught there," Horton said. "We were scrambling. We must have order! We must have discipline! Zere vil be consequences for dropped assignments! Ve vil have no more of zis disorder!"

Prestige would have plenty of chances to extend their lead, but the defense and Durkin would not give another inch all night.

"I thought the guys did a good job of clearing out bodies in front and letting me see the puck," Durkin said. "I still think [Hendricks] can use the point more. I mean, I'm wide open back here. I have a cannon, plus I shoot more than that German kid."

The Red Army tied the score at two after Hendricks jammed home a loose puck following a D'Ignazio drive to the net. D'Ignazio's original attempt was foiled by Hanley, but the goaltender was unable to locate the rebound before Hendricks came in and backhanded it across the goal line.

A few shifts later, it was the D'Ignazio to Hendricks express again, as the former found the latter on a head man pass. Hendricks circled the net then fired a backhand short side to beat Hanley in the final minute of the frame to take a 3-2 lead into the second intermission.

"Pretty good period there," Aaron Duda said, when discussing the second period. "I had my chances, but I couldn't finish. I don't know what's going on. Lately I just haven't been, you know, myself when it comes to, you know... "

"Have you tried mixing it up to get that spark back?" Hendricks asked. "I find that switching roles can really turn me on. You know, maybe go lower than you normally do, maybe play a bit more aggressively."

"I've tried," Duda said, "But it's not there. I've been trying, but I just can't seem to get it going."

"I think we've all been there, man. We're men. We're going to have slumps. We can't always be superstars. Maybe you could try the... purple... you know... the purple p-"

"I have tried that. It messed up my vision though," Duda said. "I mean, it's already dark. The purple puck on blue tile didn't help at all."

"Well, you'll get it man," Hendricks said. "In the meantime, here's a magazine full of pictures of dirty goals."

The Soviets increased their lead to two midway through the third when Hendricks fed Pete Collis a pass for a partial breakaway, and the defender-turned-offenseman fired a snap shot top shelf.

"Eight goals," Collis said to reporters. "That's eight. I am going to get ten, or my name isn't Peter Amadeus Collis."

D'Ignazio tacked on his second of the game moments later to put the final nail in the coffin, and the Soviets skated away with a 5-2 win.

"Solid win," D'Ignazio said. "Hello? Hello?!?"

THREE STARS:

3: Mike D'Ignazio

2: Pete Collis

1: Kevin Durkin

Quest 2.0

The Soviets continued their defensive dominance last night, surrendering only two goals in a 5-2 win over Prestige Worldwide.

Here is how the Quest 2.0 breaks down through six games:

Goals Surrendered: 14

Balance in the Goals Permissible Bank: 41

Games Remaining: 8

Maximum Amount of Goals Per Game Allowed: 5.2

Status: You Better Believe

Quest for 100

With five goals last night, the Soviets increased their season total to 46 goals. If they score four goals on Thursday, they'll be on pace for exactly 100 goals, with 50 through seven games played.

How the Quest breaks down through six:

Goals Scored: 46

Goals Needed to be Scored: 54

Games Remaining: 8

Goals Per Game Average Needed: 6.75

Status: Still Possible