Red Army Remains Perfect with Win Over Trailside

Stefan Sopko, captain of Team Trailside made headlines two months ago when he described the Red Army franchise as "Terrible", "Bronze-league", and "Not fun to play against because the games were never competitive" (insinuating that it was too easy for Trailside). Well, Sunday night, Trailside was handed their most embarrassing loss of the season, as they were downed 12-0 by the Comrades.

How would you like that crow, Mr. Sopko? Medium? Medium-rare?

With the win, the Soviets improved to 8-0, and moved four points ahead of 2nd place teams Prestige Worldwide and the Puck Ewes.

"It was a pretty good effort by the boys on Sunday," captain Steve Hand told reporters on Tuesday's optional morning skate. "I think we're gelling a bit there and getting better. I think our best hockey is ahead of us."

Continued Hand, "But we've played some really good hockey already. The fan base is spoiled right now. Seriously. Commend us."

Hand netted his second career hat trick on Sunday, scoring three second-period goals en route to the dozen-to-nothing whitewash. He wasn't the only Comrade to score three however. Mike D'Ignazio (four goals) and Pete Collis (three goals) also got tricky on offense.

"Even though I was on defense, I was able to get in the mix offensively by joining the rush," Collis said. Collis, who passed the 10-goal mark with the three tallies, talked about his next ambition. "Getting ten goals, that's something special. But now I have my eyes set on the next feat. Today, I am proud to announce that my newest mission, one which I am confident that I will succeed at, is to be the first Comrade to have 100 assists in a period."

Collis then went into excruciating detail on how he could accomplish his goal.

"First, I'll need one assist. I hope to get that around the eight second mark. Then, I will need a second assist, preferably before the twenty-second mark. I might add, the period for this occurring does not make a difference. Let's just say, this is in the third period. Ok, after my second assist, I would need a third, which would come directly after my second, but before my fourth, mind you. The third assist should occur around the 27 second mark. Now, assist four gets tough, because they are probably going to be guarding me pretty tightly now that they've seen me get three helpers already. For assist four, I'll probably have to use an indirect pass. Perhaps off the boards on a breakout? Yes, probably. That will occur near the 41 second mark."

RAN OUT OF TIME, END OF WORK DAY