A True Over-Dog Story

Society today is obsessed with the underdog. People don't want a consistent winner, no, they want a loser that wins. They want a story about a team or a person that is down on their luck, and after being nearly irrelevant, defies all odds and summons the courage and fortitude to come out on top.

Well you know what? It's a stupid infatuation and I'm sick of it.

Look at the latest craze sweeping the nation-- this "Linsanity" nonsense. Everyone wants to talk about how good he is and how he has resurrected the entire New York Knicks organization and how he came out of nowhere. Came out of nowhere? Golden State and Houston aren't exactly nowhere. Yes, he played in both of those cities as well, and by all accounts, he totally sucked.

"But he's the guy no one expected to help the team win! It's an amazing story!" Of course no one expected him to do anything after averaging a paltry 2.6 points per game at Golden State. That's right, 2.6 points. In other words, he averaged a little more than a basket each game (so long as said basket wasn't a three-pointer). All I'm saying is if all of a sudden you or I became an all-star at our job and became more productive than we had ever been before, our boss wouldn't be commending us and telling us how good we are. No, we'd be asked why this wasn't happening before.

Then we'd be fired and have to Linterview for other jobs.

But people love it. They love the story. Even Hollywood loves stories about the underdog. Quick, think of a movie about a sports team winning a championship. I bet that team didn't enter the playoffs as the number one seed. In fact, I bet that team was pretty terrible for most of the movie.

Hoosiers, Miracle, Major League, The Mighty Ducks... the list goes on. The only sports movie I can think about a team going undefeated is "Remember the Titans". Hollywood still made it seem like they were underdogs though, because they had black players on their team in a league that was all white.

I'm not sure having a better run game than every other team makes you an underdog, Hollywood.

Hollywood should make a real sports movie. They should call it, "The 2011-2012 Columbus Blue Jackets". It would be a great story. It would be about a team that is absolutely terrible at hockey, gets worse as the season goes on, in February trades away their only good players, and ends the season with the worst record. During the season the players fight in the locker room and the coach develops a drinking problem. Plus, their fan base diminishes and the owner thinks about moving the franchise to Quebec.

Now that's some cinema! Two adults and one child, please.

Tonight, another story gets the dubious "David vs. Goliath" label when the Cosby Sweaters (David, or in this case, David's effeminate brother Carson) face the Red Army (Golaith, or in this case, Goliath's older brother Talonzor) at 6:00 pm.

Yes, it's a true Carson vs. Talonzor story.

"Anything can happen in these games," Soviet captain Steve Hand said to reporters after this morning's brief practice. "They play us tight every time. We can't let the records fool us. They are better than an 0-6 team."

"I haven't scored against them ever," Mark Hendricks said. "So as far as I am concerned, they're the best around."

Ah, the politically correct interviews. The ones where the guys on the good team talk about how good the bad team is, and the guys on the bad team talk about how they're not intimidated by the guys on the good team.

"Anything can happen in these games," Cosby Sweaters captain Tony Horton said. "I think we've turned a corner lately. These guys are beatable."

"I think we are 2-2 against them all time, so I expect a close game," Cosby Sweaters forward Ted Shaffer said. "I think people will be surprised."

Look, the Cosby Sweaters have a work ethic second-to-none. They routinely out-hustle teams and use their hard work to generate scoring chances. But the Red Army is a defensive monster. Since the season opener against Trailside, Kevin Durkin has allowed just seven goals in five games. Those numbers make Tim Thomas gush. The Soviets are no offensive slouch either. They've scored 38 goals in that same five game span.

I'm not saying that the Cosby Sweaters winning is impossible. I'm just saying it won't happen.

BOLD PREDICTION

Red Army 9, Cosby Sweaters 2

[And yes, this is definitely bulletin board material for all the readers over at www.stinkysweater.blogspot.com)