Get Your Dance On

It's 5:37 pm on Monday. I should be knocking out any of the number of items on my to-do list. David needs his mail migrated. Peggy needs her website's SMTP authentication credentials. Julia can't map a drive on her Mac. These are real people. They work at real companies. They have real problems.

And I am really sorry. Red Army is in the ship, so y'all mother fuckers can wait.

Backed by another solid performance by Jim "Don't Call me Jimmy" Morris and another third period offensive explosion, the Comrades rallied from a three goal deficit to defeat the Renegades and advance to the championship series for the second straight season.

"Just huge, absolutely huge," defenseman Ryan Odell said when describing his penis. "And the game was good too. But guys, look at how I trimmed here. See, that makes all the difference."

Despite early pressure from the Red Army, it was the Renegades who drew first blood, scoring on a pretty passing play midway through the first. The Comrades were unable to match the speed of the attacking forwards and a dropped assignment left a Renegade open for a back door put in.

"Not the start we wanted," captain Mark Hendricks said, placing a cigarette to his lips. "We just had to keep our composure. Things could turn around. We knew that."

After an ill-advised penalty by Tim Stuitje put the Renegades on the power play, the Comrades quickly found themselves down two goals.

"Not the start we wanted," captain Mark Hendricks said, snorting a line of coke off the Sportsplex water fountain. "We knew we would get out of it though. Things were going to turn around. I could feel it in my bones."

Off the ensuing face-off, the Renegades pushed the puck ahead off of the drop and fired a screened shot past Morris to take a 3-0 lead.

"Trade everyone," captain Mark Hendricks said, fastening his belt around his forearm.

Life was pumped into the collective chests of the Comrades thanks to a late tally from defenseman-turned-forward-turned-defenseman Aaron Duda. The towering Duda was able to fire a low shot five hole to bring the deficit to two.

"Zombie training really helps with conditioning," Duda said. "When the dead rise, and they will rise, I'll be ready. Oh I'll be ready."

The second period was more open than the first, as the Soviets deviated from their game in an attempt to claw their way back into it. The result? Another dropped assignment and another puck being fished out behind Morris after a Renegade player had slipped behind the defense.

"That goal got us going," Horton said. "I think after that, we seemed to wake up. We were better than that. We knew it. Plus, it was after that goal that Ryan and I started arguing. It's not a true Red Army game until we have at least a few choice words for each other."

It didn't take long for the Soviets to respond. Mark collected a puck in his defensive zone and fired a pass up to Stuitje, who fired a low wrist shot five-hole on the goalie.

"We needed that," Stuitje said. "We were back within striking distance. And that is my favorite distance."

The Comrades pushed for more as the period wore on, but could not beat the Renegade goalie. Late in the frame, an uncharacteristic turnover by Mark sprung a Renegade on a breakaway. Morris, who time and time has been leaned on to make the big save, came up huge, shutting the door to keep his team close.

"That right there, that was when the tide turned," Brian "Beege" Hendricks said. Brian has spent the last 13 years studying tides.

No one will deny this season has not been a great one for the Soviets. The team stumbled out of the gate, starting the season 1-4-1, with their lone victory coming via the forfeit. The second half of the season however, was a different story. The team closed out the season on a 5-1 run, playing a more structured system, with lower scoring games and a team-wide commitment to defense. The staple of their late-season resurgence? Their third period prowess. Entering the third period of their playoff game versus the Renegades, the Comrades had outscored opponents 8-1 in the third period alone in their last two games. For the Comrades to pry a playoff victory from the clenched jaws of defeat, they were going to have to do it in their patented, Dickensian way, and play one hell of a third period.

And that they did.

Four minutes into the third, after an extended offensive shift for Stuitje and Pete Collis, the puck came loose in a mess of bodies at the front of the net. Stuitje avoided a defenseman, found the puck, and jammed it between the goaltender's legs for his second of the game to bring the Soviets within one.

The very next shift, the top line of Mark and Neal Hendricks, who had been quiet all evening long, finally woke up. After an errant Renegade pass back to the point missed its target, Neal outraced his defender down the rink, collected the puck, cut to the net, and deposited the puck on his backhand to knot the score at four.

The plex was rockin'.

The duo stayed out, and almost converted less than ten seconds later, after Neal sprung Mark on a mini breakaway. Mark's shot was thwarted by the goaltender, but the two would come calling again after the ensuing offensive zone face-off. Mark intercepted an outlet pass, and fed Beege at the point. Beege walked in, faked a slap shot, and passed back to Mark, who fired a back door pass to Neal for the one timer strike.

In less than three minutes, the Comrades had gone from two down to one up.

"There were still eight minutes in the game," Collis said. "So we needed to keep playing our way. And I needed 30,000 more miles."

The teams traded chances down the stretch. The Renegades had another power play, but a solid penalty kill effort by the Comrades staved it off and held onto the lead until there were under two minutes to play. Then, after a failed clearing attempt by Beege kept the Renegades in the offensive zone, they struck after a seam pass found an open forward in the slot. With 1:50 to play in the third period, it was a 5-5 game.

"The key was staying positive," Mark said. "You can't look at it like you just gave up a late goal. You look at it like you're in a tie game and it's next goal wins essentially. We are very comfortable playing in that situation. This group is battle tested. And HIV tested. I'm positive we are."

The Comrades opted to call their time out, and sent out their second line for the draw, despite the Renegades sending out their top four players. Though there may have been a mismatch on paper, it was the Soviets who drove the play, cycling in the Renegade zone for nearly a minute and generating two scoring chances before the puck was deflected out of play.

The Soviets made a full change. The Renegades did not.

The Renegades skated across center and into the Red Army zone, working the perimeter to spread the defense out. Lacking the energy to drive to the net as they had done all game, the Renegade defenseman wound up for a slap shot from the point. Mark stepped in front of it, blocking it, and springing a two-on-one rush with Neal. Mark's shot was kicked aside, but the forward corralled the puck in the corner, and threw the puck to Beege at the point. Beege through a lateral pass across to Odell, who caught the pass, and in one motion, fired a chest-high wrist shot toward the net where Neal was parked. Neal deflected the puck down below the goaltender's blocker and just above the outstretched leg pad into the net.

With 24 seconds remaining, the Comrades had scored their fourth goal of the period and had taken a 6-5 lead.

"We instantly went into defensive mode," Beege said. "The celebration was brief. It was fist pumps and hugs, then, 'On the draw, you cover him, you go here'. This ain't our first rodeo." Beege then continued. "I've been to one other rodeo. Cheyenne, 1999. There were pancakes."

The Renegades mustered two shots toward the net in the final 24 seconds, but both were blocked, and cleared away. The final seconds ticked off and the horn sounded. The Comrades, thanks to yet another impressive third period, found themselves in the victor's circle, and had danced their way into the championship series.

"Just have to keep it going," Odell said. "If you stop before the shaft, you lose a few inches."

THREE STARS:
3: Tim
2: Neal
1: Jim

Hey, you up?

Baby,

I missed you.  I should have never left.  I regret it every day.  Sometimes I find myself staring up at the sky at night, wondering why you're not there next to me, snuggled in my arms.  We were great, and baby, we still can be.

I know what you're thinking.  You can't, you'll get hurt again.  You've moved on.  But baby, this time it will be different.  This time I won't abandon you.  This time I won't promise you things and fail to deliver.  This time I will deliver the goods, and you be left breathless, frenzied over how I have rocked you with my cornucopia of love.  It will be wild, but it will be tasteful.




If I had more time, I'd continue this romantic hype-buildup.  Alas, I am a working man with deadlines and meetings.  But, the Digest is back.  We're starting small, with a goal of one-to-two articles per week.  If we can keep that up, anything is possible.

EDITOR'S NOTE: "Anything" = 3 articles per week

Keep on rockin' in the MotherLand you crazy comrades.

- Barry